to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

long thread but for what its worth i dont think you did that much wrong it was more to do with her behaviour than beetroot and she wont starve I probably would have done the same if any of my DDs threw a hissy fit like that,

The Op created the fuss by imposing her eating rules in the first place.

If I'd made a fuss like that I'd have had beetroot with every dinner until I ate it without a squeak, and there'd have been a song and dance and lots of shouting about it! I would have been called mal elevée, self indulgent, boring etc etc. In fact I have no idea how they'd have reacted to that kind of behaviour. I just read in my Renoir book today that they did the same thing! I mean with the feeding it until the kid starts liking it.

IMO you should just have said- do it, because I said so- and forced her to eat most of it. And given it to her for breakfast, lunch, whatever, until it was gone if it wasn't gone just before bedtime. Let her blend it in a smoothie if she wants. She won't be sick if she stops the dramatics. If she is sick it'll be because of all the excitement, of course not because she hates the beetroot so much.

With freedom comes responsibility. That us why adults have more freedom than children.

Children are not mini-adults. When they are able to take responsibility for their health and nutrition, they can choose what to eat. Till then, parents are in charge.

All this talk about vomiting when eating foods when you are not allergic to them is very childish and a case in point why children should be taught good food manners early on.

What eating fecking rules that a parent should dare to ask a child to try something new?

And if you want to hear more from Quirrel,tune in next week for more tips from the Marquis de Sade school of parenting.

supergah I am rather a food snob, I admit. I just want my family to eat great quality food. I think they appreciate it. My ds is rather a foodie already - he noticed that I had run out of vanilla extract in the last cheesecake I made and complained that it didn't taste the same. He also embarrassed me once announcing that my friend's lemon meringue pie tasted like shampoo.

She didn't ask her. She told her that the rule was that she must try it.

The parent has provided food - the child is playing up for whatever reason .
No begging ,or cajoling. You either want to eat the food or not - There is the no emotional manipulation involved -the parent asked the child to simply try the food - she didnt want to - parent removes the food rather than enter into a battle of wills.
There is now no emotion involved .
Child is tired - put to bed.
Compare this with - I will smack,punish or give you dessert if you eat or tell you are a good girl if you eat or frantically offer you several different things to eat .

all mum wanted her to do was try it hardly torture

Agree with takingiteasy the more I read, the more I agree with your parents.

You sound too controlling. My DDs are 21 and 18, and the most useful thing I learnt was that children are people, with their own likes/dislikes/wants. You really are in for a difficult time if you carry on with this approach. Thye will not turn into feral children if you let them "get their own way" every now and then.

He fact your 9 yo is still having tantrums speaks volumes.

See I do agree that serving food you know people dislike is pointless, which us why I always ask people if there are things they really dint like and adapt accordingly. But having said that, I do find fussy adults a bit of a chore. Dh once invited a guy from work over; I did the usual stuff of asking what he didn't eat and got a (long) list so did something that wasn't on the list. He STILL peered at the veg and virtually all of it (he hadn't encountered them before so obviously couldn't try them. From memory it was roasted vine tomatoes and baby turnips done in a mustard glaze. I would much, much rather he had just said 'I can't make it for dinner, why don't we just go for a drink' rather than pushing the food I had cooked around his plate with a martyred air. His long suffering wife told me that he only really liked 'plain food' like he had been served at home growing up and would just have crisps when he got home so not to worry. I didn't. I am fairly sure he was never encouraged to eat anything new either. Bit sad though, to be deprived of one of lives great sensory pleasures.

Tell you what,Flatbread,as you apparently have all the answers. I'll let you serve me parmesan,and I'll even try to eat it,no doubt with your expertise you can make me love it,but the dry cleaning bill is your responsibility.

The

" do it, because I said so"
lol REALLY!!
What kind of answer is that.
Thats horrid !

Have you tried being a bit more light-hearted about mealtimes? Injecting a little fun into it?

If my DD had said "I hate beetroot" when given her dinner DH or I would probably just make a joke of it, say something like "well it speaks very highly of you". I can't see the point of getting het up about it - it sounds like your DD was tired and looking for a reaction/fight and maybe you could have diffused that a bit instead of reacting as though she was throwing down the gauntlet.

Quicklookbusy my 9yo's issues separate - please don't comment when you really don't know.

Again there's a difference between asking someone to try a food,and forcing them to do so by holding them hostage at the table,not specifically thinking of the OP here.The latter is asking for a fight.

I also have a rule that my child must go to bed at 8pm though he would rather continue to watch TV. I am right because I am an adult and his parent and know what is good for him better than he does at his age. Sometimes we have to set rules because we do know better than them.

withacherryontop

*Tell you what,Flatbread,as you apparently have all the answers. I'll let you serve me parmesan,and I'll even try to eat it,no doubt with your expertise you can make me love it,but the dry cleaning bill is your responsibility.
*
And yet you probably already have. Without knowing it....

We can't make them like sodding beetroot though.

quirrellquarrell, so your parents havent passed on any control issues clearly

"Sometimes we have to set rules because we do know better than them."

Most of the adults on this thread don't agree with the rule though! Perhaps you don't know better!

Bedtime is a completely different issue.