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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

869 replies

greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 18:27

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

OP posts:
TheTeaPig · 18/06/2012 21:58

The Op didnt force her DD to eat it - she removed her dinner and that was that.
Which is what I would do for a child who is making a huge fuss - you either eat it or you dont . No bribing ,cajoling or bargaining.
As a result my DC know I dont tolerate fussiness and they eat me out of house and home - rather than whinging and whining.

CailinDana · 18/06/2012 21:59

Some people are sunshine. There are plenty of adults on MN who were treated like this growing up who are now struggling.

OP that approach might work now when you can push the child around but when your children are teenagers then you are in for a wake up call. Children are actually people, it would help if you remembered that.

zukiecat · 18/06/2012 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/06/2012 21:59

Getupgo - sometimes DH cooks things for our dinner that I'm not overly fond of, sometimes I cook my favourite things that aren't his. We eat it anyway, partly out of respect for the effort that has gone in to preparing the meal. And we are grown adults. Why shouldn't our children show the same basic courtesy? (not talking about real dislikes, just things like DH adoring chorizo, me being able to take or leave it)

TheTeaPig · 18/06/2012 22:00

I also bloody hate it when on one hand your DC are expected to behave by GP but when you discipline them you are in the wrong . GRRRRRRRR

JoInScotland · 18/06/2012 22:00

Our house rules are 1) mealtimes are about conversation and being together and nutrition - not battles, 2) you have to try ONE bite of each item if you want to get a "tried all my dinner" sticker. Just one tiny bite. It can even be "baby mouse" sized. Tonight my 29-month old said, "I don't like brocolli" as he sat down in front of his stir-fry. That's not unusual at his age. But he knows he had to try a bite of a food to get his sticker, and because he tried something he was sure he didn't like, he got a really nice sticker.

There have been nights when he doesn't get a sticker, and nights when he refused to eat any dinner (very rare). He always eats a hearty breakfast in the morning on those rare occasions and is healthy/tall for his age.

takingiteasy · 18/06/2012 22:00

I
Green is there no food you can't stand?

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:01

Sassy I didn't say that I TOLD my guests they had pissed me off. But since you asked, everyone always wants to eat my food. I'm a bloody good cook actually.

OP posts:
getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:02

but teapig - the force was invisible - the mother was stressed, sent DD to bed etc

what would you call this, if not threats to finish the damn beetroot, or force, then what was it? parental rights? responsibilities?

DD missed out on the rest of the evening with her GPs, was clearly tired anyhow, but why put a bad taste in the evening, over this mealtime? I dont get why OP went this far about it? explain? anyone?

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:02

takingiteasy I'm not dead keen on lamb or goat's cheese but would eat it and often cook it for DH and the dcs as they love it.

OP posts:
Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:04

argh...I don't push my children around and they are happy and have a great life. But DH and I are in charge.

OP posts:
voddiekeepsmesane · 18/06/2012 22:05

Why do MNers have to take extremes. I don't think anyone has said on this thread that they would feed their child that they really know they hate but there is nothing wrong with encouraing a child to try new foods in a manner like JoInScotland

AllDirections · 18/06/2012 22:05

Sassybeast Our mealtimes are like yours, happy, relaxed and enjoyable.

One child picked out the spinach, one adult declined the brocolli

Op I can't believe you would have a problem with this. Why, just why? Confused

I started off thinking that you were a bit U in your approach to eating, now I think you're VVVVVU and so controlling.

takingiteasy · 18/06/2012 22:06

Not dead keen isn't what I'm meaning though. Like the thought of scampi makes me ill. I don't have to try it to know I won't like it! I hate seafood and have tried very little.

getupgo · 18/06/2012 22:07

families - the difference is that as adults, you can eat the meal your DH prepares, leave out bits you dont like, knowing your choice will be safely received

and you will not be sent to bed or scolded for not eating 2 bits of chorizo or whatever

your culinary voice has been respected

(this 6 yr old didnt get that choice, as OP focussed on the beetroot rather than take herself to cool down in the bathroom for 10 mins, let DD stay at the table, and whinge, without her mother there about to bite her head off) Why not discreetly take DD outside to check something and tell her, beetroot is ok, dont have to eat it, but you must try to behave with table manners today)

but will get criticised for a sugar coated approach by suggesting that, but sounds like the kid was exhausted, fed up and wanting space from her mother to start with

voddiekeepsmesane · 18/06/2012 22:07

I think the OPs reaction was more to do with the whineing and fuss made at the table. She said that she would have been more inclined to let the tasting of beetroot pass if it was said in a calm and polite manner such as "I really do not beetroot" or such.

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:07

When they are little, no, I don't have a problem. But as they get older (I suppose we did this from about 4) I think they should eat a bit of something so they can get used ot it.

OP posts:
Sunshine401 · 18/06/2012 22:08

"The Op didnt force her DD to eat it - she removed her dinner and that was that. "

Quite right however she did punish her for not eating it :S

WithACherryOnTop · 18/06/2012 22:09

I think there's a difference between asking or encouraging a child to try a new food,and pretty much forcing them to try it,by dictating that they have to try everything on their plate.That's asking for trouble imho.

amicissimma · 18/06/2012 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

voddiekeepsmesane · 18/06/2012 22:09

No I think the punishment was more about the behaviour at the table not the food. Though still a little ott.

CailinDana · 18/06/2012 22:10

I've encountered a few nasty adults who even force other adults to try food. When I stayed with my penpal in France her mother insisted I eat langoustines and even took me out with her to buy them despite me explaining repeatedly that I don't like seafood. I ate it because I felt I had no choice and promptly vomited on the floor of the kitchen. I was 15 and it still makes me feel upset to think about it. Why people want so much to control other people's food preferences is beyond me.

Original poster
greenwheelie · 18/06/2012 22:10

But getupandgo I don't have authority over my DH or another adult, but I do over my dcs. Yes they have choices but within the boundaries that we decide. Incidentally my DH doesn't like cauliflower (for example) but will eat it as part of the meal I have cooked for him, and also to set an example to the dcs.

OP posts:
amicissimma · 18/06/2012 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

supergah · 18/06/2012 22:11

You sound a little bit smug about your food choices, btw OP. Criticising what your parents eat, how they only like bland stuff. Taking note of what other children ate at a birthday party and how your DC made the 'best' choices.

Maybe if you weren't so pleased with yourself and so adamant that everything had to be done your way then you could all have enjoyed a pleasant family meal together.

I don't understand why the beetroot (non) issue was more important to you than providing a nice atmosphere for your guests. Perhaps your parents piped up because you put them in an awkward situation by making a scene at dinner.

Was it really worth it?