to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

Oohh, I love beetroot ! I've only realised recently how lovely and sweet it is - especially in it's own juices rather than in too much vinegar (like it always was when I was a kid) My Mum makes a nice goats cheese and beetroot tart - I think she said she got the recipe from Nigel Slater which I was impressed by - very tasty !

Ordinarily YANBU, but as beetroot was involved, YABVVU. Beetroot is vile revolting and disgusting. I have loathed it since childhood, and it still gives me the heaves

I cooked for 6 people this evening.
Chicken in a creamy sauce with spinach, peppers, sweetcorn, pasta and steamed brocolli.
One child picked out the spinach, one adult declined the brocolli. But we sat around the table and had an enjoyable, relaxed meal. No pandering, no stressing, no power games, no distressed 6 year olds going to bed hungry.

Just remembered we had borscht with sour cream a few months ago and every ate it! Beetroot in disguise....

We do not have a rule about sweets really . After school they come home and pick somthing they want as a snack before tea.
I do have a naughty space in the fridge its got chocolates etc in (mostly for me) :)
the kids tend to want yoghurt or fruit but if they wanted a tea cake or whatever they could have one.
Like I said I do not and have never forced any food on to any of them and now I can cook whatever I want for tea time and it usually is all eaten up.

If I tried to eat parmesan,regardless of who served it to me,it wouldn't end well. I find the sudden appearance of a stream of vomit doesn't tend to go down well at dinner parties.

plus they choose what bit to eat next, without us deciding for them. cant imagine taking that choice away from them. never occured to us to do so.

Although I draw the line at Nigella's beetroot and chocolate cake. I feel that takes veg in cake a step too far.

Sassy that would piss me off tbh. My dcs are getting old enough to appreciate the time and effort I put in. Not that I expect gratitude, just manners. DD1 already takes a turn to cook during the week and I encourage the other dcs to thank her for cooking.

I was a very fussy little girl and very lucky that my mum never forced me to eat anything. Her approach was very unusual when we were growing up, so I remember feeling grateful that she never made me eat things I didn't want when I knew most mums did.

As an adult: I eat a wide, varied and healthy diet. I have not been put off any food, I have come to it in my own time.

But more importantly, I have never had a weight problem or any issues with food. I have been slim all my life, because I find stopping eating when I am full comes naturally and I have no real hang ups over food. If I don't fancy something or I am not in the mood, i don't eat it.

As an adult woman, I feel quite unusual, as most women I know seem to stress about food and have a difficult relationship with it. But then, my mum was unusual in her approach.

Don't make food an issue for your daughter, you may be happy now that it suits your friends that she has a wide and varied taste in food, but it may not be so great as an adult that she has had to learn how to force herself to eat.

Cherry, if you vomit after eating something, clearly you are allergic to it. That is not the case with op's child and beetroot or the example of carrots or bananas from other posters.

It's not just being happy that she can eat anywhere, it's also that they (imo) need to know which foods are healthy and should not be left out of your diet.

I wouldn't make a fuss about it, if I was served an item I hated,but then I'm an adult,not a six year old,but I'm certainly not forcing down an item that I detest.I'd eat the rest of the meal and leave the food I detested,without comment. There are some foods that I don't particuarly care for but can eat,and I'd eat those,but I'm not eating parmesan or coleslaw for anyone.

And personally if I'm having a dinner party I want my guests to enjoy themselves,and therefore wouldn't want them to force down anything they detested.I'd rather they ate the items they enjoyed and left those they hate because I want them to have a good time,and a good time does not involve feeling physically ill because they're trying to force down mushrooms for example.

WithACherryOnTop while I agree that some people may hate bananas I think what is being said on here more is the fact that a child can not say they hate something if either they haven't tried it or that it is just not a "favourite"

Not everything I eat is a favourite food there are always going to be foods more like than others but that is not to say a fuss needs to made about food less favourite rather than "hated"

flatbread, she will eat banana hidden in a dessert or any meal at anyone's house, and finish the lot because she gets involved in the table conversation and the focus is never on the food on the plate. she is 3.

However, as her mother, I know given the choice of a banana or no banana, she will choose the latter. If given the choice of a banana or strawberries, she will choose strawberries.

just her choice being used. and I'm proud to see her use her choice and independent thought. in a polite way. 'please may I have the stawberries'

cant believe i'm waffling on about this on a monday evening. blimey.

I'm not allergic to parmesan,but I can guarantee that I'd vomit if I ate it.Even thinking about it can be almost enough to induce it.

Ithaka, I was just the opposite. Mum had strict rules about food and I ate everything. I still love different foods and am slim too

I would eat anything I was given. I wouldn't be offended if someone came to dinner and left one or two things, but more than that would piss me off a bit.

And I think it's different for children. I suppose it comes down to how much the parents feel they should be in charge. DH and I are instinctively "parents in charge" people.

Your dinner parties sound like a riot

I think you were unreasonable your poor parents must have felt really awful sitting through that performance.

The rule sounds stupid to me too. I cringe at meal time standoff's, there's just no need. I hate all this '3 more bites' and shit like that. Kids self regulate, they try what they want. Making issues out of something so stupid as beetroot, which isn't to everyone's taste, is crazy.

I really hope people are not this nasty to their children :(

would be interested to know your offspring's perspective on your 'parents in charge' theory OP

Parents should be in charge yes,but that doesn't mean that children shouldn't be allowed some choices imho. Some people seem to think that if children are allowed a tiny bit of slack on their chain that all hell will break loose. I really don't get it. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.

Potted Heid, otherwise know as Heuch (the noise you make when you retch at the thought). Forcing a child to eat that should be banned under the Geneva Convention!

plus, a child's stomach is only the size of a female's clenched fist

(or sthing like that, read it a while ago, somewhere)