to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

*but flatbread, if your instincts as a human, regardless of your age, are telling you that at that precise moment of the day, you dont fancy eating such and such...are you supposed to just eat it amyway, because another adult has made it for you, or is telling you to, or expects you to?

how bizarre

Everyone is different, why should OP's tastes dictate so much the preferences of her DC's?

for example:
DS: Loves bananas, fish, omlette, scrambled eggs...
but DD: hates the above, but will eat cucumber, cheeses, yoghurts, beetroot

am I to 'force' or 'expect' DS to eat the same foods as DD? because I am their mother?
am I to force or expect DD to eat the same favoured foods as DS?

i will not expect them to be the same person, therefore I will give them their human right to explore their tastes, find out themselves what they like, by providing options and choice and lo and behold, free will

rant over*

Because everything the OP does dictates the way her child will grow up, it's called being a parent.

And please don't liken it to a human right. The ridiculousness of that statement speaks for itself.

This thread is making me crave a cheese and beetroot sandwich :o

why have a family of 5 and consider your job to avoid pandering?

dont you view food as 'nurturing' and a chance to eat together, rather than a chore? because how you personally view food, cooking, domestics, will certainly influence the atmosphere and reactions, responses to the food being eaten by the kids

they notice everything

I knew when my mother couldnt be arsed, when she was about to fight at a meal, or pick a fight over a vegetable, I am 33 and in therapy, so perhaps I have my own little soapbox going on about this, but mealtimes CAN be pleasant, often depending on the mood of the chef

Getup, of course the children should adjust and eat what is on the table, even if it is not their favourite food. Why does dd hate bananas? It is one thing not to love them, but another thing to 'hate' a food. Is it attention seeking to hate the food her brother loves? If you made a dessert with bananas, of course dd should try it too. It would be rude not to, or make a fuss or say yuck or nonsense like that.

Yes, when I am out I eat foods I don't particularly enjoy without making a fuss. Sometimes I take seconds too, if I feel the host has made an effort and I want to show my appreciation. Goat cheese was something I never really enjoyed. But have had it so often now, that I am starting to like it.

So all of you who let their dcs choose what they eat, do they willingly sit down and devour all their veggies?

My DC do, veggies are just food, why should they be treated any differently to other foods? I was made to eat stuff I hated as a child so I've never made my DDs eat anything. I provide a meal, they eat what they want and they leave what they don't want. It's my job to provide them with a healthy diet, it's not my job to make them eat it. We've never had food issues in the nearly 16 years that I've been a parent.

Food is food as long as they get a healthy diet and a healthy knowlegde about nutrition thats the main part of parenting about food over surely :)

I never go out of my way to give them sweets. They mainly get them from party bags or if someone at school has a birthday. When it's their birthday I get them something to give out to their friends too. Sometimes they get a bit of my posh caramel or almond chocolate. And visits to granny's are usually sugar coated with various sweets and ice-creams ! I think they get plenty incidentally and don't need me to give them any extra - just an Easter egg or two perhaps and a chocolate reindeer in stocking from Santa

I don't get how you teach a child not to be dramatic at the dinner table by making a scene in front of extended family yourself and then throwing away a perfectly decent meal.

If she was dramatic, then what were you OP?

We had dd1's birthday party recently. She wanted fajitas - we have often eaten that for years and yes at first I had to push a bit with the peppers and onions and kidney beans but now they just take them as part of thr selection. Most of the kids at the party only had wraps and cheese on their plates. Some had chicken. Mine were the only ones who took the veg - it's become and habit I suppose and I'm happy about that!

I don't have 'rules' about sweets.

I don't buy them myself so they're not in the house. But I'm happy for the DC to eat them if someone gives them to them.

a habit

My parents made me force down things I couldn't bear, and I'm one of the pickiest eaters I know now. I still remember balking and sobbing and all that. Achieves nothing but a power trip for parents.

Didn't do it to mine and they're brilliant eaters.

I would never deliberately make somthing or offer somthing i know my child does not like thats just evil :O

flatbread, bananas arent her favourite, why should she be forced to eat them, when her preferences are for equally healthy choices? No big deal, it's like saying DD favourite colour is yellow, but DS fav colour is green. Should I tell them no, today your fav colour is going to be purple, and you will sit there and agree with me until you say so, or you will go to bed early?

wtf?

Have to agree with ladyfirenze I have never forced food down my ds's throat but we do encourage tring a bit and apart from peas and tuna which he literally gaged on when trying then I know all other things are ok.

My ds had a thing about doughnuts he insisted he didn't like them (can you believe that!) no forcing on him but because we have a casual manner of giving things a go he tasted one 6 months ago and low and behold he likes them :) Same with tomatoes, beetroot and cucumber. If it isn't made a deal of and persistant persuasion (sp?) used then you will find a child who will have a go IMO

There are always times when I child will just spring out somthing new they "don't like" You just get over it let them eat what they want off their plates surely. why make such a big deal over somthing so small as you point out there is alot worse things to worry about.

yes voddie, there is 'encouraging' them and there is 'forcing' them, the latter involves emotional negatives and possibly threats, however mild - eat it or go to bed hungry your meal goes in the bin, plus the joy of a ratty parent on a powertrip

what a happy house

Totally reasonable OP and also I would have been cross with parents in those circumstances. It isnt the job of GPs to make comments on your parenting, they dont have to live with the consequences.

As a parent you have to be consistent. GPs can let DCs get away with things when you arent there but when you are there your rules apply.

I agree they should be pushed to have a go as long as the food is good food - what I mean is quality, nicely-cooked food, not mushy overcooked broccoli or soggy tinned potatoes. My dcs might not like everything I give them but I can honestly say it's all good food. I don't see the point in stuffing yourself with flavourless muck, but that's probably my issues surfacing again.

Agree with you OP. What a fuss (from her) over one piece of beetroot. It isn't like you asked her to eat a plate of it. Can't stand kids making a fuss over food! It's one thing not to like certain foods, and we do have a few foods our kids are allowed not to eat, but I won't have any whining or drama at meals.

Why can't people hate bananas,Flatbread? Imagine,people liking some foods and disliking others.The horror!
You may not hate any foods,but you're certainly not the norm.Most people detest some foods,adults included.

I loathe parmesan for example.I wouldn't eat it no matter how much I was paid. You could put it down to me 100 times,and I wouldn't like it one iota more the 100th time than I did the first time around.

People have preferences and likes and dislikes in all aspects of life,from decor to choice of partner,or the vehicle one drives.Why is it so odd to have the same feelings in regards to food?

Indeed gnome I often have to watch the GPs giving the dcs cups of tea with 2 sugars which I think is ridiculous but say nothing if it's in their house.

there tends to be less drama or whining at meals allpastyears, if the kid feels like she has some control over what she is doing though, so in our house, we havent sat there and dictated to them to eat it. we have just chatted, laughed and ate, and lo and behold, like chimpanzees, they copy mimic us, so they eat, chat and laugh. then dinner is over. no dramas, as the food elements are not a topic of conversation. simples.

Getup, respecting food and the effort someone has made on preparing a meal are important things to learn. Of course if there is a choice of fruit, then pick what you like from the selection.
But if you or someone else has gone through the effort of preparing a dessert with bananas in it, she should have at least a bit. And should definitely not make a fuss about it. These are just basic manners and I am amazed people find it controversial!