to have put dd's dinner in the bin?

[greenwheelie]

Dinner tonight - scampi, potato wedges and salad. I put some chunks of beetroot in the salad. DD2(6) anounced she hates beetroot. I told her she could eat one piece only. We have always had the rule (dd is 3rd child) that you have to try everything on the plate.

My Mum and Dad are here for the evening. DD sat and cried, fake-coughed and kept shouting that she was going to be sick. We ignore her for a while, then I said if she couldn't be quiet and eat then she would have to leave the room. She continued so I told her to go. After 5 minutes she was quiet so I asked her to come back and join us. She immediately started the drama again. I told her she was spoiling the dinner for all of us and if she didn't stop that would be the end of her meal. She got a piece of beetroot on her fork and waved it around, crying and coughing. So I took her food away and sent her out. The food is now in the bin and dd is in bed.

My parents are now saying I am like an army general and that dd will be hungry. Was I being unreasonable and AIBU to feel very unsupported in trying to discipline a strong-willed child?

I think I would have left the food on the table and sent her to her room for bad behavior. Told her to come out when she was ready to eat but otherwise to stay in the room and get into her PJ's.

ladyfirenze - forcing someone that age to eat will not include a tube feeder, no, dont be ridiculous, the control is invisible - but evident in the stressed mother, going on and on about the bloody beetroot, making it into a drama, making it an emotional issue

by going on and on to the child to eat the beetroot or else...what would you call this, if not forced persuasion of the most screwed up kind?

I must admit that despite posting myself about op being unreasonable, this thread is a reminder about how you take your life in your own hands when you do a AIBU thread!

I do wonder if the tantrum was to assert herself if she's not being listened to about the food she wants to eat.

I think its invalidating.

nothing worng with seeing the dinner table from this 6yr old's perspective amd giving her a voice Rainbow?

... however if she wasn't eating but behaving well, I'd have not said anything to her. We tend to chat about the day and not the food so much. I might remind child that the salad/potato was all there was on offer but wouldn't have made an issue out of it.

But the carrots are part of the balanced meal, no? And isn't it rude to not appreciate the effort someone has made to cook for you, by at least trying the food and not making a fuss about it?

Enjoying all foods is a question of educating taste buds, and also having an appreciation for the effort people put in preparing a meal, whether it is mum, a partner, a friend or a paid chef.

I didn't go on and on at her to eat the beetroot.

I wouldn't say I've slagged off my parents. I was asked and I explained and said that I want to do it differently.

Thanks for everyone's comments, whether or not we agree.

What ladyfirenze said.

OP, I can see how this would have happened, with tired and grumpy children not appreciating your time and effort, and disapproving grandparents watching over. I would have reacted similarly, although I would probably have put the meal in the fridge and eaten it myself the next day. Dd would have been going to bed without any other food though.

She's asleep now, she will have forgiven and forgotten in the morning.

One of my pet hates is having to cook for, or eat out with food-fusspots. They sap the joy out of sharing a meal.

Also just to re-iterate that although dd said she hates beetroot, I really don't think she does. Pretty sure she has had it before and not made a fuss, but can't honestly remember.

Actually we hardly ever have meal-time scenes, when I think about it. We have plenty of scenes in general though, which makes me think it's personalities rather than food which is the issue!

but flatbread, if your instincts as a human, regardless of your age, are telling you that at that precise moment of the day, you dont fancy eating such and such...are you supposed to just eat it amyway, because another adult has made it for you, or is telling you to, or expects you to?

how bizarre

Everyone is different, why should OP's tastes dictate so much the preferences of her DC's?

for example:
DS: Loves bananas, fish, omlette, scrambled eggs...
but DD: hates the above, but will eat cucumber, cheeses, yoghurts, beetroot

am I to 'force' or 'expect' DS to eat the same foods as DD? because I am their mother?
am I to force or expect DD to eat the same favoured foods as DS?

i will not expect them to be the same person, therefore I will give them their human right to explore their tastes, find out themselves what they like, by providing options and choice and lo and behold, free will

rant over

And what if she hasn't forgotten ? What if she's bewildered as to why exactly she was punished for not liking 'one' tiny element of an entire meal ?
What happens is that she sits at the table for dinner, slightly anxious about whats on her plate, and if, heaven forbid, there is something else that she doesn't like, her anxiety rises, she acts int he clumsy way that 6 year olds sometimes act and she's met with a brick wall of resistance from an adult who seems intent on gaining the upper hand.
Still not seeing how any of that merits congratulations

but they will both eat the same evening meal as DH & I. have never suggested they eat something else while we eat sthing else. we just eat the same. together. it works. but i know their preferences for breakfasts and snacks equally.

YANBU. You quite clearly read the situation as DD behaving like a drama queen and getting her own way. IMO children are pandered to far too much, which is why we now have a society full of self-centred people.

Although I don't hold with using food(or lack of) as a punishment, I think you did the right thing. She's not going to starve from missing a meal. She'll think twice next time, as she knows her silly behaviour won't win out.

When she's a well-adjusted, non-fussy-eating member of adult society, you can pat yourself on the back OP.

Have just finsihed reading the whole thread. Personally if the beetroot was new and maybe going to be an issue then it would have gone in a spereate area of the plate.

Having said that we have a try a small amount before saying you don't like something new deal in our house, but like I said new things are often seperated from rest of meal.

If we didn't have this rule then I would think ds would eat nothing but pasta and bolly sauce for the rest of his life (per what he insisted were the only things he like from 3-5 years old)

Now at 8yo with the odd taste here and there he adores all things salad, many veggies (though peas are still the work of the devil) and most fruits.
But it was a slow slog and can never be a quick fix.

As with the OP though dramatics at the table were and still are not tolerated, though the bin was a little ott IMHO

I think it's best to encourage children to try new things, not to make it a rule that they have to.

And for a meal with guests, including DGPs, best to stick to tried and tested things perhaps ?

Basically keep the drama out of meal-times and food.

Expect food to be an enjoyable source of nutrition and well-being, and meal-times to be happy, sociable occasions.

But it's fair enough to have a different approach to your DPs, and in an ideal world they should support you ! Also, no, she won't starve. Big breakfast sounds like a good plan !

getupgo -- :) totally agree no child should be forced to eat anything

Out of interest, what are your rules regarding sweets? I allow sweets at weekends, but will relax the rule if they get a party bag during the week. Do you think that's overly controlling? The dcs seem to be ok with it - they know when they can have sweets and at the same time it reduces the amount they eat. The dentist told them their teeth are all in great condition so I'm hoping they connect the two.

When she's a well-adjusted, non-fussy-eating member of adult society, you can pat yourself on the back OP.

um, or when she wont share a meal as an adult with OP? Or when she feels knots in her stomach at mealtimes in that house as a teenager...who knows, I wont suggest anything else, as we can all make judgements, but the relationship with food is already marked with an element of parental control

getupandgo of course I don't assume my dcs will like the same foods as me but in a family of 5 I'm not prepared to pander to individual preference very much.

My children are great eaters now. I never forced anything on them so please do not state things that are not quite true you will actually find children who have food forced on them will grow up with food issues not the other way round :)

Sassy I'm not congratulating myself and I felt bad for dd but I do think you're overanalysing rather.

it's a good job I'm not in the slightest bit arsed what you think getupgo.... and for the record, when my kids say they don't like food, my answer is "oh, well, you don't have to like it, but you do have to give it a go" and do you know what? they seem to manage that quite nicely.... They are happy, healthy strapping kids, who can be taken anywhere, and without fuss will chow down on the food in front of them. When more than half the worlds children don't have enough to eat, I can't believe that we in the west have this kind of attitude to food. Grrrr.