to think that having a settled newborn is bugger all to do with anything you have or haven't done?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

Obviously disregarding illness or feeding issues etc. I'm talking about the fact that some babies are just better at sleeping and being contented at the very begnning.

So therefore it is really bloody annoying to hear the smug parents come out with gems as to why they think their baby is more settled than others. My personal favourites are:

"i think its because we've been really pro-routine from the very beginning" - as if the parents of unsettled babies wouldn't dearly love to put their DC down at 10pm and have them drift off blissfully until some hours later. Difficult to be pro-fecking-routine when you can't put them down without them howling

"I think its because I was really chilled out during pregnancy" - right, of course that's it, even though your baby wasn't even breathing or aware of the world just yet it was definitely aware that you were really calm and has carried that over into its new little life

"i think it's because i only drink camomile tea"
"I think it's because I always went to bed at the same time every night when I was pregnant"

oh stop being so smug. Its nothing to do with you, its the luck of the draw.

I think it must have something to do with the way you are with them,when they are here,like actually here not in the womb.Im not sure it has anything to do with pregnancy but who knows?All mine have been chilled out,but i am a very chilled out person,i also didnt listen to the whole "dont feed them/hold them/let them sleep with you" lot,i just did what came naturally and the babies always seemed content.

YANBU at all!

they do what they do!

(and Im not bitter ; dd2 slept from 7pm until 7am from 6 weeks old; much to my shock and suprise)

My mum always said that she would have thought child raising a complete doddle if she just had me and my older brother. After having my younger brother (who didn't sleep for 4 years, and screamed whenever she put him down) she changed her mind completely...
I entered parenthood with my eyes wide open
YANBU!

i disagree cuddler dd2 was a very content baby who slept perfectly. DD1 was a non-sleeping nightmare. I was still me with both of them

I think you get the baby you get, with parents making between 10% and say 40% difference (40% being at the extreme end of really very good at this or utterly crap). Most of us make about 10-15% difference to how our children are, I'd say, and even then not all the time.

In my personal experience, all the annoying statements you put in your OP are said by 1st time parents. After a 2nd or a 3rd child, parents are more circumspect because they often have children who have been completely diferent about say, sleeping or eating despite their parents being much the same.

That's certainly the way it's been in my family, with very easy babies and really difficult ones all mixed up together. I am the only one to have had two very good sleepers, not that my DH and I are claiming much credit for that.

i remember well with my pfb being the mum who swanned around the ward reading, eating strawberries,getting a bit bored because her lovely newborn just slept and slept for the first day or so.
of course the night before we went home he was up all night,carted off to the nursery and then the fun really started when we got home

Although she's always been hard work on the sleep front I feel lucky that the worst sleeper out of my 3 children was the first one! Mind you it was a huge shock to the system. Reading Gina Ford made me cry because my baby just would not do what she was 'supposed' to!! DS (2nd baby) however was always and still is much better with sleeping (they are now 7 and 5) and i have a 2 year old who has slept through about twice in her life! There seems to be not much I can do about it and I'm hoping that they will all be sleeping through in a couple of years!! (What's 10 years without a decent nights sleep after all!!) People who like to pretend that it is something they are doing right (or I am doing wrong) drive me crazy! Its like suggesting I don't want to sleep well myself and could fix it if I wanted to - believe me I have tried!! YADNBU

cuddler i have to disagree with you as well. I think parents can do unhelpful things (through either ignorance or misjudgment) which will have an negative impact on a baby, however i believe that parents can also do pretty much everything "right" and still have a very, very demanding baby.

I treated both of mine the same, was was quite high maintenance, the other was really quite chilled. it was just luck.

Itcouldstillbejoseph - just ignore the smugness, so often the chilled babies turn out to be the more demanding toddlers (as i have experienced!)

YANBU - they are all different, makes no odds how they are settled etc - just a matter of luck!

I think it depends on your circumstances though.I never minded feeding mine on demand,letting them stay up with us and holding them all the time as i didnt have plans to go back to work,also have a husband who helps out with the house work/doesnt mind living in a messy house lol.So when people say "he cried whenever i put him down" well,i never put them down!So i guess i cant really say whether they were content or not can i?because i never tested out iykwim?If you are talking about the kind of babies that are happy to be left lying down for ages and make no noise and never seem to cry,well i have no idea why they are like that!

YANBU. I tend to assume babies just do what they do regardless of how you parent them.

I think it was pure luck that we've had two very chilled out babies. I can't pinpoint anything we did or didn't do that could have affected them as newborns.
I certainly wouldn't pontificate about 'how we did it'- who knows what sort of people they will turn out to be. Any boasting could easily come back and bite you in the bum when they are bigger as it's no guarantee that easy babies are easy children/adults.

It is the luck of the draw mostly, but there is an element of parenting involved too- every PFB child seems unsettled, whereas second- and subsequent DC seem to be more settled as a very general rule. This is true for every child in my extended family anyway!!! I don't know whether it's experience/confidence on the part of the parent, or whether the PSB just don't get the same helicopter parenting - they benefit from benign neglect is what I'm thinking!!

But OTOH I'm sure there are a million stories of chilled-out PFB and all the others have been shrieking red-faced trapped-wind merchants!!!

Sorry to say cuddler but your response is exactly the type of response my OP was about
I'm a relaxed mum but still my DC have all been totally different!

YANBU

DD slept from 11pm to 6am by week 2 and 7pm to 7am by six weeks (and has stayed doing that for two years.

I am 100% sure it had absolutely nothing to do with me and is just how she is (and i promise I never bragged, I kept very quiet as was embarassed that I didnt have sleep horror stories to share). Just very lucky.

Am slightly scared as hopefully (terrifying 20 week scan this week) I am having another little one in Nov and friends are gleefully rubbing their hands in delight at the idea that I am doubtless going to have the most up all night child ever to balance things out.

You can't affect how your babies behave, but you can do something about your own behaviour, expectations and willingness to find temporary solutions without worrying what other people might think.

I think 'ability to cope' has a lot to do with whether you feel your baby is settled/calm.

it's nothing but luck, plain and simple.
My eldest was quite laid back, but grizzled from time to time.
My middle girl cried day and night and was never happy.
My youngest (6 months) very rarely cries and has always slept well. She's so easy to care for. I don't even know she's in the house, she's so chilled. Nothing to do with me. Just luck.

YANBU, at all.
My DS was an unsettled nightmare, the first 6 months of his life are known as "the trenches" (black humour saved my sanity).
I can't stand it when people think they are responsible for their babies being chilled. They really seem to believe it is down to having a routine, or using a sling, or whatever. How can they not see it is pure luck?

Cuddler - I did all that, made bugger all difference.

OP - YANBU.

My second wasn't more settled! Still isn't, I have had to retrieve him from on top of the dining table 3 times so far today...

I have a friend who had her DS1 the same time I had my DS. My DS, lovely as he was, was prone to the odd tantrum or two and she used to tell me that she didnt know how I put up with it, didnt give him a slap etc etc.........she then went on to have DS2 who as a right old tantrum king, far worse than my DS ever was.......

Oh, you cant believe how fab that made me feel, esp when she used to say not to gloat!

I have to agree with you. Both mine slept well as babies, hand on heart, I cannot say I did any one thing to make them sleep well. DS1 was really chilled out on the whole, ds2 is quite content but as a tiny just wanted to be on mummy ALL THE TIME! I got a sling for him.

As toddlers however.....

[rocking in the corner emoticon)

It is possible to have content but demanding children. As in both mine are content in their own company and to pootle but also want what they want and NOW!

Its the same with toddler-hood too come to think of it..... Countless times I have heard that "my DC only ever had one tantrum and I took such a firm stance that he/she never had another one"
Bollocks!

YAB a bit U.

I agree some babies are just unsettled and we don't know why, but I honestly think there is a great deal we can do to create a calm, relaxing environment for newborns when they first come home which has to contribute in some way to their mood.

We had no tv/radio on, dimly lit rooms, not too much passing around, few visitors and no trips out in the pram for the first fortnight. I imagine being born is pretty stressful and babies benefit from a bit of R&R themselves to begin with.

I dont think it was.your op was stupid things like drinking chamomile tea.I think its naive to say it makes no difference how you parent them!

Maybe me being a relaxed person had nothing to do with it,that was a small point,the major point was that i did what i felt my child wanted,rather than what i thought i should be doing,does that make more sense?Like if they wanted feeding i fed them,if they just wanted a cuddle i cuddled them,i think its what most mums do isnt it,you just find out what they want and meet that need?i was never told to do that,in fact everyone told me to do the opposite but i did it because it worked for my 4 babies.

I can confidently say if i had tried to do things the way the hv/mw told me to do them,life would of been harder and not as pleasant,and my babies would of been much more fussy in general.

Sorry, still sounds smug, cuddler.