to think that having a settled newborn is bugger all to do with anything you have or haven't done?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

Obviously disregarding illness or feeding issues etc. I'm talking about the fact that some babies are just better at sleeping and being contented at the very begnning.

So therefore it is really bloody annoying to hear the smug parents come out with gems as to why they think their baby is more settled than others. My personal favourites are:

"i think its because we've been really pro-routine from the very beginning" - as if the parents of unsettled babies wouldn't dearly love to put their DC down at 10pm and have them drift off blissfully until some hours later. Difficult to be pro-fecking-routine when you can't put them down without them howling

"I think its because I was really chilled out during pregnancy" - right, of course that's it, even though your baby wasn't even breathing or aware of the world just yet it was definitely aware that you were really calm and has carried that over into its new little life

"i think it's because i only drink camomile tea"
"I think it's because I always went to bed at the same time every night when I was pregnant"

oh stop being so smug. Its nothing to do with you, its the luck of the draw.

In my experience, just wait a while and the smug parents of even the most settled, camomiled, sleepy baby will come a-cropper. Babies seem designed to throw is curve balls, and these are very difficult to take when you've been relaxed in pregnancy/always let them put themselves to sleep/never heard them cry. Phases! Trust your instincts and hum in your head whenever they start up. In a few weeks it'll all change!

Kerala- that is EXACTLY the same routine that we had! I used to watch the clock go round past midnight, each hour with more hope that I might be able to get into bed sometime soon.... Until 4am finally rolled around.
Why oh why am I doing it all again?!?

Agreed. I did the same with all of mine...

DD1 was a fecking nightmare, I remember being relieved when at 12mths old she suddenly cut her night waking down to only 7 times a night.

DD2 slept through reliably from 12 weeks, fed once at night before then.

DD3 slept through reliably at 6 weeks and would never really feed at night.

Beginnings babies don't know what time of day it is so what seems like a day time sleep problem or a night time sleep problem to us is neither one or the other to them. It is just the point in the day when they have their most unsettled patch. For many it is the evening, you sound like you got a daytime one for some reason.

And some babies are shit at long patches of day-time sleep too. DD didn't manage any naps longer than 45mins or so until she was 6m (don't panic she was mainly mellow and looking around in between, it was nothing like the 6week bit).

Sorry that doesn't really help does it? You sound like you are trying all the sensible things. Do what works, including putting down in a darkened room if that is what your baby needs, frequent feeding, dummies, swaddling, hanging on to the tiny remaining shreds of your sanity with whatever combination of alcohol, caffeine, OTC drugs and quick-release carbohydrates give you the best combo of upper/downer effects, cry if you feel like it and hang in there. If she hasn't given you a big gummy smile yet it can only be a couple of weeks away.

My mother came to stay determined to sort out DD1's sleep issues, all 3 of us were good sleepers apparently, the subtext being DH and were doing something "wrong" with our PFB. After 5 nights she packed her bags and scuttled back to Somerset admitting that she didn't know what else we or anyone else could do.

IcouldbeJoseph - my second was a dream surely with a tricky first baby you get and easy ride with no.2 you've served your time.

Have to say I think lots of physical holding and interaction (along with feeding on demand, and not worrying about people ever saying your spoiling baby! As if you can actually spoil a newborn!!) go along way to making a content baby. Must be some luck as well, and hate parents boasting about good sleepers, often those babies are actually left to cry, does that count as good content sleepers?? Not in my book
But truely believe the more cuddles they get , generally the more content they are. (leaving aside colic, illness etc)

wheresmrmonkey yeah, none of that seemed to do much with DS

sorry but thought the point of the thread is people trying to attribute reasons to something that is largely a matter of luck.

also at the ones who got the easier baby the second time around like I thought i would

My PFB was a very relaxed newborn, I worried about it for ages because our neighbour was a druggie and our house often stank of weed from next door!

DS is pretty relaxed too though, I have no idea why. Definately no secret trick to it.

Sorry Penguin, no expert at all, has to be a mix of luck and the occasional good idea from the parent that manages to work!! What has worked with my 15mo DD I doubt will work if I have another, probably because I won't have the time to sit in the sofa being lazy and constantly breastfeeding like i could manage with her!
If it's any help, someone once told me that every child comes with the same size baggage, the parents just get chucked it at different times in there lives!! So all those smug parents, watch out : )

YANBU. At all.

DCs1-3 supremely chilled, good sleepers, blah blah blah. How smug was I? Oh, very.

DC4. Treated no differently. Totally different ball game. Still in our bedroom and in our bed a lot at 11m (all others in own room by 6w and sleeping through at 6w, 7m & 16w respectively). Doesn't sleep but is grumpy as doesn't want to be awake.

You can guide some children but some simply won't have it.

misread title as 'have i settled this newborn bugger?'

YANBU, although prior to this baby I might have thought you were. DC 1-3 were all extremely laid back and easy. Barely cried, happy to be put down to play, slept through from a young age etc etc.

This baby cried a lot. She wouldn't be put down at all, even in her pram, but she also cried a lot when she was held. It started with her screaming for an hour as soon as she was born and carried on for around 5 months. She's a year old on Weds and still much more demanding than my boys ever were.

We're not painting a good picture of fourth babies here midori!

i'm afraid i'm someone who resents being told that my children's sleep patterns are anything at all to do with luck.

i have three different dd's; i had three fairly different pregnancies and labours.

i worked hard from the beginning with all three at establishing good feeding/sleeping patterns to varying degrees of 'success' in the first few weeks & months. but with more lasting consequences now (they all generally sleep around 11-12hrs a night, usually even when they're ill - that is a statement of fact, not boasting.)

experience (and learning from it) counted for alot with our second and third, in as much as i knew breastfeeding was not for me, and felt confident as a mother to assert myself in that. and also i had learned that actually even though it feels like forever, they really are only very tiny babies for a very short period of time...

otherwise all i can say is that taking care of small babies is hard work, but of course children bring their own immeasurable joys and rewards along with them, in ways i really never expected.

I remember all the advice I got when DS1 was born - he hated being in the buggy, would cry for hours at a time, puke all the time. All my NCT group had bouncing babies that gurgled and gained weight - not mine: he cried and was so scrawny. I had so much smug parenting advice - included: try giving him a bottle at night, it really works; I have been so relaxed; I get me time (good for bleeding you); a little infacol is all Johnnie needs why don't you try it; then the worst was just looking at the baby who was bouncing around with the mother desperately trying to look interested (and failing).

Now the smile is on my face - I am so smug because my child can talk better than any other child I know and of course it has nothing to do with genetics it is all down to me

I recall DD at 3mths, sleeping through the huge 3 hour Glasgow thunderstorm of 2006. Lightning strikes near the house....gentle snoring from the baby......
Would also wake in the morning and gurgle happily to herself.
Fucking nightmare as a toddler though.

why are there not six week courses on this before you give birth - its brutal! I have two and a half year old twins - both treated exactly the same - one sleeps through......and one wakes between 3am and 4am every night - its taken me two years to get to this. I can not let her cry ....I just can't......in the beginning I had a maternity nurse who was hopeless.....or maybe I was too bossy and over ruled her - I was off my rocker with sleep deprivation........did let them cry and get some routine around 17 months ...and then son got ill and was in hospital for a month......and then I got into the habit of watching him breath to make sure he was ok........I am so evil though because ....I put them down about 9,30pm and they sleep till 8.30 ....9am - but its my life hey?

I think it's about how chilled out you are - with my first and third I was horizontal and that's how they were/are. My second is a whirlwind and more emotionally sensitive and oddly enough, that's how I was during the first year and a half of her life. We had a lot to deal with life wise and she had bad colic. Sleep wise my first slept through at 4 months, my second at 6 months and my most laid back and third baby slept though at a year. All mine sleep 12 hours a night now. The second and third were sling babies and all were BF on demand.

Sorry to the nay-sayers but I have bf'd both my DCs on demand and cuddled them loads and it's made NO difference.

Whereas I know some very chilled out babies who sleep well whose mothers ff from early on and left them to cry to sleep.

And bf babies who slept well.

And ff babies who didn't.

And laid back parents with nightmare babies.

And stressy parents with laid back babies.

It's luck.

Wells both mine are angels and I think I am lucky in their genes...
BUT now I think about it DS is a terribly fussy eater and still stick thin and DD is a very strong character who has her own opinions - from birth actually. When the Consultant came round the morning after her birth and checked her over in her little white vest she was outraged at the liberties he was taking and howled! As soon as he left her alone she stopped and simply glared at him - he commented that we would have our hands full with her! So DCs were busy and demanding but they hardly ever cried and I will always count my blessings (I was a screamer at two apparently). I have no illusions that it was anything I or my DH did -though we were over 30 and terribly positive! (But so are most MNers +ve)

My fourth has been really easy compared to my first three, she slept through at six weeks, was easy to put down and very contented, liked her milk and has been generally contented.

I am so grateful, I had such a rough time with dd2.

I really dont know if its all down to luck. In our case I think it was but dd2 was born at a terrible time, and the whole house was unsettled and in mourning. I had pnd and I often think she sensed it somehow.

I think it's luck of the draw. I was a calm-ish new Mum but even I don't think that rubbed off on my baby. Dd was, is, a contented child but it has nothing whatsoever to do with me. She made me calm

It could have been a different story with dc2

bigbobeep that tends to be the way it works :) more people have seen my norks in the last six weeks than I've had hot dinners! And DH is being fab about cooking!!

New one tonight. Into the Moses basket with me sitting on the bed next to her. She mooched for 20 mins, didn't cry once, and has been asleep for the last 50. That's a turn up. I can hear lots of people telling me that i should be holding her but you know what, whatever works.

Red wine is ok if your breastfeeding, right?

noobydoo that is a good point actually. The luck thing carries on throughout childhood. They walk and talk count and name colours and ride bikes and do all other kinds of things when they are good and ready. We can be there to encourage them and build their confidence and reward them when they do well and that may smooth those learning processes. But ultimately they cannot walk before they are ready to. So why do we assume they should all be able to sleep alone for long blocks of time at the same point?