to think that having a settled newborn is bugger all to do with anything you have or haven't done?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

Obviously disregarding illness or feeding issues etc. I'm talking about the fact that some babies are just better at sleeping and being contented at the very begnning.

So therefore it is really bloody annoying to hear the smug parents come out with gems as to why they think their baby is more settled than others. My personal favourites are:

"i think its because we've been really pro-routine from the very beginning" - as if the parents of unsettled babies wouldn't dearly love to put their DC down at 10pm and have them drift off blissfully until some hours later. Difficult to be pro-fecking-routine when you can't put them down without them howling

"I think its because I was really chilled out during pregnancy" - right, of course that's it, even though your baby wasn't even breathing or aware of the world just yet it was definitely aware that you were really calm and has carried that over into its new little life

"i think it's because i only drink camomile tea"
"I think it's because I always went to bed at the same time every night when I was pregnant"

oh stop being so smug. Its nothing to do with you, its the luck of the draw.

i think maybe we have different ideas about what a settled baby is?Im seeing slept through a lot on this thread,none of mine slept through and still dont and they are between 2 and 5.I still would say they were content though,and generally settled!They just fed a lot.

It doesn't stop at babyhood, you know. "My children always behave because I am wonderful perfection of parenthood set firm boundaries" (implying that there's only ONE reason why any other child misbehaves). Etc.
yanbu.

YABU my babies were right arseholes, what with me being one.

well im not being smug,im not falling into this trap of pretending everything is really hard and life is horrible just to please everyone else!Some people enjoy their kids!My opinion,from my own experience is that it makes a difference how you are with them!Thats my opinion and im sorry im not doing the typical mumsnet "im a rubbish mum but i love em really,little toerags" line,but thats just not me.

Carry on.

the worst types are the very rare few who have two perfect children. Many of the smug parents I know go on to have a number 2, who is difficult, and it makes them realize that their parenting techniques are not touched by magic.
The utterly horrid ones are those parents who somehow, by some cruel twist of fate, manage to create not one but 2 perfectly chilled babies. So naturally they believe in their superior parenting skills. I just long for them to have a third child, to burst their smug bubble

I think that parents can influence how their child sleeps to a small degree. For example an ex colleague used to disconnect the phone and doorbell, only whisper to her DH and mute the tv, just using subtitles after 7pm when she put her daughter to bed from the day they got home from the hospital. That obviously wasn't sustainable forever but by the time they got fed up of it at around 6 months (so much more patience than me, I wouldn't have lasted a week!) the baby was so used to always having complete silence to sleep, that she woke at the slightest noise That is quite an extreme though.

For the most part, I think you get what you gets :) I have been very lucky in that DS3 is a good sleeper and can pretty much sleep through anything. We had a party here for DP's birthday last month and DS3 quite happily went to sleep at around 8 and slept through even though the party went on until 2AM. It is piss all to do with me and anything I have done and everything to do with pure luck! I am the least organised person on the planet so there is frequently a fair bit of noise and stress getting things done at the last minute, yet he is incredibly placid and easy going. I'm not complaining though, I am just accepting my ill deserved good fortune and keeping schtum in case I talk up a change ;)

and I'm talking about the annoying ones who wax lyrical about how lovely their babies are because they magical, they are fed the right food/had them in a routine/carried them everywhere/played music/ate sardines when they were pregnant etc..
I don't have any problem with the sensible ones who acknowledge that they simply scored lucky in the baby lottery.

OP, I am getting the toddler tantrums in the worst way, so possibly that is my balance.

Some people are just fucking great and the rest of us have to put up with 'em.

That's about it really.

Btw, these same people probably eat loads but don't seem to put on weight.

oh no Lambzig, does this mean my angelic 6 month old dd who never cries is going to be the toddler from hell sobs ?

If I ever had another, I'ld wrap them up so warm and cosy they would just be lulled into a constant sleep coma for about three months.

I think all this banning of fleecy blankets is the downfall of all of us.

Of course YANBU. Wait till these other mums have horrendous teenagers. :D

Erm obviously parents can do daft things that keep their babies unsettled. And some babies are unsettled for unrelated reasons. And sometimes parents have unrealistic expectations of small babies. Or parents have perfectly sensible expectations but their friends and family are full of helpful suggestions about an extra bedtime bottle helping the baby 'sleep through' etc.

So it is neither one thing or tother and having a bunfight about it is pointless.

What is definitely true is that my DD was unsettled at times despite being fed on demand and carried in a sling and cuddled lots etc etc. And when I'd had one of those nights when sleep had come in 3 X 30 min bursts and in-between I had walked up and downstairs with her rocking and singing and then had to carry on doing the same stuff all day too if anyone had told me it had resulted from a lack of camomile tea I would have cheerfully held their head in a bucket of the stuff and watched the little bubbles of smugness floating to the surface whilst they slowly drowned. And I am a very calm person.

My first was in a routine sleeping 8 hours at 4 weeks and by 5 or 6 weeks, 12 hours. By 3 months she slept 7.30pm - 9.30am, with a long nap in the morning and another in the afternoon (2-6pm). The morning nap was dropped by about a year. She kept up her good sleeping habits until her sister was born almost 4 years later. TBH I hardly saw my baby due to her being a sleep monster and some of the early days were quite dull, until I learned to put her down in her pram, so we could go out while she snoozed.

DD2 thought and thinks sleep is for the weak. She first slept through at 6 weeks and kept that up until about 5months old. She is now 4 and we very seldom get an unbroken nights sleep. It is just as well she's cute.

Oh come on OP! Don't you know there is a magic formula for every problem! Just buy a book on the subject and you'll be fine

Isn't it funny how some people think that everything in life is fixable? If it was, I wouldn't have been sleepless for more or less 8 yrs....

My point was my SMOO bubble was well and truly burst with the arrival of 2nd child.

Penelope, you have made me laugh!

I sort of agree with you, as I have three very different children in terms of how settled they were as babies, or how well they slept.

But I also think an anxious mum does have some effect on her baby, in that the anxiety can rub off on the baby.

Damn right it's the luck of the draw!
Despite drinking Fennel tea (supposed to have a calming effect in the breast milk-absolute bog roll!) FB didn't sleep through until he was 3, our second child nearly didn't appear because we couldn't have gone through another 3 years of a non-sleeper/non napper!
Fortunately, second time around he seemed to play more by the rules, so it was fortunate they came in the order they did!!

Peanut butter I hate to say it, but I am one of those spawny buggers who had 3 in a row who were chilled out from day 1. I assumed it was sheer fluke with 1&2 and that when 3 came along 10 years later I would get stung for all the missed years of sleepless horror and fractious small people. DS3 is the most chilled of all. I have no idea how. I'm pretty sure it can't be anything I do or don't do and equally I doubt it is something in the DNA as I have been hyper since the day I was born was both fathers (DS1&2's and DS3's) were pretty similar so I can only assume I have used up a lifetimes luck there. No point me buying lottery tickets now eh?

YANBU.

My sister and I have DC born two weeks apart. Both PFB. We have done things so differently in terms of feeding, transport routine etc. They have completely different personalities.

Neither of them sleep. Ever.

We never really got on until now, at least it is a bonding experience!

I'd say YANBU, but I also think that there are some things we can do to lessen the chances of them being such hard work!

For example, if you want a baby to go to sleep then I really don't think that talking loudly to it and making loads of eye contact is going to help. Conversely you may be quiet and look away and do everything 'by the book' and the little bugger darling will still scream the house down. You don't know until you get your baby unfortunately and then you find out in spades.

DS (1yr) does sleep through from 8pm to 6am (please don't hit me) but I put that down to his own baby preference rather than anything DH and I have done. We are expecting DS2 now and I am scared stiff that I'm going to get what my friends call a Devil Baby (i.e. doesn't sleep, doesn't eat, screams all day and night)....

YANBU

My DD's sleep (or lack of it) at 22months is actually destroying my marriage

I look at my sibling whose child slept 7-8 from day 1, and her and I are in differnt universes. Her house is tidy, they are never ill, her and her husband actually get to have sex shock horror, they go out all the time able to confidently leave child with babysitters

They have a life - we don't. It fucking sucks

YANBU, newborns have their own routine before they are even born. mine were kicking through the night and dozing during the day. i think how you respond to it can make it more difficult/easier for you though.
with DD1 as soon as she started crying i was in there as quick as anything, desperately trying to get her to sleep with unneccessary feeds, songs etc and she would start crying as soon as i put her down (she just KNEW). i would keep going on and on like this, getting her settled, putting her down, her waking up again etc all bloody night. i also think it would help if i got out more with her (it started snowing here the day she was born and was icy for about a month) for my own sanity if nothing else.
with DD2 i am much more chilled about it. she wakes up as soon as i put her down as well but with having to get up with DD1 the next day i don't have the choice of doing this battle this time. instead i just put her in bed with us (safety measures in place of course). it might not be ideal but it has sure made my life easier! she still has a sleep in her cot during the day as well so i don't think i'm making her too reliant (will cross that bridge at a later date!).
basically i think it is a lot of luck with newborns as to whether they sleep or not, and us mothers can't do anything about it. but we can find ways to help us cope better.

Eldritch I aim to please.

Jdub fennel tea - what were you thinking? Don't you know it goes nettle and peppermint to prevent heartburn in pregnancy, raspberry leaf to ensure strong contractions in labour and chamomile to give you a calm baby afterwards. Any deviation from the rules of herbal tea will result in chaos. I can't understand why anyone has an emergency c-section when with one quick cup of raspberry leaf tea they could swiftly transition to stage 2 labour ?