to think that having a settled newborn is bugger all to do with anything you have or haven't done?

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

Obviously disregarding illness or feeding issues etc. I'm talking about the fact that some babies are just better at sleeping and being contented at the very begnning.

So therefore it is really bloody annoying to hear the smug parents come out with gems as to why they think their baby is more settled than others. My personal favourites are:

"i think its because we've been really pro-routine from the very beginning" - as if the parents of unsettled babies wouldn't dearly love to put their DC down at 10pm and have them drift off blissfully until some hours later. Difficult to be pro-fecking-routine when you can't put them down without them howling

"I think its because I was really chilled out during pregnancy" - right, of course that's it, even though your baby wasn't even breathing or aware of the world just yet it was definitely aware that you were really calm and has carried that over into its new little life

"i think it's because i only drink camomile tea"
"I think it's because I always went to bed at the same time every night when I was pregnant"

oh stop being so smug. Its nothing to do with you, its the luck of the draw.

Probably would have felt more human if I'd just drunk black coffee from day 1 and to hell with it, and at least I might have felt abit more lively!! I used to envy 'the shapes' on Mister Maker, dozing merrily on their shelf - little buggers!

jdub now THAT is a sleep-deprived thought if ever I heard one.... I could have sworn that my breast pump was saying the words 'little brat' over and over to me as I sat there grimly pumping!! Doesn't say much for my state of mind at the time but thankfully I did get some sleep in the end

YES!!!!! I heard my breast pump talking to me as well! I'd forgotten that! Mine sounded like it was saying 'Lactate, lactate, lactate'! All these things messing with your mind!!!

DH had to get an early train to London when DD was about 6 weeks old. I can remember getting up with her at about 6:30am thinking about him, sitting on a crowded commuter train being jostled about, but without a squawking newborn in his hands probably just dozing off over his laptop and thinking 'You lucky lucky bastard'.

YANBU

No 1 slept through at 10 wks and was a brilliant sleeper thereafter. No 2 didn't sleep properly til about 18 months. It is just how they are!!

YANBU

My baby is really relaxed because we are relaxed, chilled people.

I heard that a couple of times from friends on their first DC.

Bollocks to that. You are relaxed because your baby is relaxed.

As evidenced by their re-emergence as Mrs Stressy McStressy when their DC hit the terrible twos and formed opinions.

So YANBU.

YANBU
i don't know what i've done with DD.
she never ever sleeps (she feeds even all the way through the night, so i just let her)
but she hardly ever cries either.
she is now getting to the stage where she sometimes cries if i disappear - that's going to be fun.

but normally she cries all of a sudden - like she goes from happy, content and fulfilled to Freaking-starving-hungry in nano-seconds!

it's nothing i've done - i'm a very stressed out person, and twitchy too.
and never have any rest.

If it was anything i'd done, she would probably cry all the time (mainly because i would be distressed)

jdub I thought it was just me!!!

Exactly foschizel

The more I think about it, the more of a wanky thing I think it is to day-its soooo superior

at Mrs Stressy McStressy.

And YANBU.

To be fair I've come out with similar drivel with respect to my DC's early days. But that is one of those NCT group competitive type comments that has always raised my hackles slightly.

Hmm..YANBU for getting pissed off with the comments, however, there is some truth behind the relaxed mum, relaxed baby thing.

Cortisol in pregnancy has been shown to cross the placenta, and there is some research to suggest that it does affect brain development.

Another with two totally different children here. DD was a dream baby, no problems at all, DS was a fractious whiner.

YANBU.

I've had two bad sleepers, although DC1 was definitely worse, and very different to one another in other ways.

An acquaintance is quite smug about her two chilled-out good sleepers although her eldest is a right madam. I can't wait for her to have a third DC and hopefully be bitten on the arse by karma.

I have also come to realise how many mothers blatantly LIE about stuff like this. What is the point of that?

The absence of colic or reflux - just two of the many reasons a baby can sometimes be fussy - has nothing to do with whether you are a relaxed person or not.

YANBU

Some babies are 'high intensity' babies and nothing you do will change this. You can simply hang on and wait for them to settle (if they ever do).

That said, all three of mine were very settled and I experienced very little crying. True feeding on demand and lots of carrying did help I think.

But none slept through until they were between 8 months and 18 months. At the time I didn't take this as being evidence that they were 'difficult' babies, so maybe how 'chilled' you think your baby is, is as much about your expectations of what they 'should' be doing, as it is about their behaviour.

i fed truly on demand, baby wore, co-slept, attended promptly

at 22mo i am waiting for her to wake less than 4 times - oh and all that co sleeping etc means she now won't resettle unless held.

you're lucky or you're not

oh and I left work at 12 weeks after successful scan, pottered about my garden and helped grow veg in a school project. Couldn't get much less stressed. Saying that she regularly kept me awake in the 3rd trimester doing somersaults all night

What gets my goat is the implication (1) that a quiet, passive baby can somehow be "achieved"; (2) that anything else (a fidgety, vocal baby) is abnormal; (3) that nine months - and continued - shoulder shrugging and responses of "It's all good..." have brought this about.

And IME this type of comment is usually made to a stressed first-time mum with a fussy baby who is lacking in confidence and seeking someone to have a sensible conversation with about the potential reasons (is it normal, do I have a high-needs baby, is there a medical reason, latch problems etc etc).

I find it best to take credit for the good stuff and not the bad stuff.

DD is a happy girl, eats well and broadly (Thai curry last night), is beautiful, is precocious physically. All because of my awesome parenting.

DD never sleep, is going through the terrible twos at 18 months and hits, kicks and bites. All bad luck, nothing to do with parenting.

It depends. Did you take heroin in pg? If so YABU, and it's all your fault.
Otherwise YANBU.

YADNBU!

YANBU.I know of one particularly smug individual who went to great lengths to tell me how her DD1 slept through at 6 weeks. Well that all changed when DD2 came along.

i just want to say YANBU

dd1 was a dream, she self settled, slept, fed on que and still is I have a set routine and she sticks to it, every day no problem (apart from when she is teething, but she still loosely fits in)

dd2 on the other hand has been treated exactly the same way. she will not be put down, she refuses to sleep at all ever, we have a few good days where i finally think i've cracked it then were back to non sleeping again. she will not just play for 5 minutes on her own, Ive even shouted at her once or twice when i'm really at the end of it and shes only 4 months

it has feck all to do with pregnancy or the way you are, they are born with a personality and their own mind