DD's ex boyfriend making youtube videos about her

[HairyPotter]

Looking for advice as I really don't know what to do about this.

DD1 is 13, she was going out with him for 6 months. He was very possesive, controlling and played mind games with her all the time. He dumped her via text about 2 months ago.

He posted some crap about her on fb which I asked him to remove, which he did. We have since discovered he has posted videos on you tube with him and another boy talking about how brilliant it would be if he could strap bombs to her back and blow her to fuck. He goes on in a similar vein for around 15 mins. He also talks about how they went to my place of work and ran in the door and yelled "wanker"

I know this all sounds very childish but the thing is, he has linked it to fb so everyone can see it. She is so upset and humiliated. She has had a very hard time at school with bullying which led to self harming and feeling so low she had considered suicide. She has a few sessions with the school therapist which seems to have helped.

I dont give a toss about them coming to my work (I wasn't in that day) but it annoys me that they have mentioned several times who I work for and where it is.

I really do not know what to do? Do I talk to his parents? The school? Or the Police? Im not sure if I am over reacting and this is just stupid wee boys mouthing off. But this is my beautiful clever sensitive daughter he is talking about. And she doesn't deserve any of this. She cried herself to sleep last night and I'm worried that she starts to hurt herself again.

So I suppose the AIBU is, can I say or do anything? My gut reaction is to speak to parents although they are very intimidating or the school.
DH wants to go to the police but I feel that they would think we would be wasting their time. Any advice would be welcomed.

Sorry this is so long btw, thanks if you made it this far.

Have you read the thread mrBo?? Or just the first page??

Hairy I didn't see this first time round, I'm so sorry for your DD1. She shouldn't have to put up with this.

Does the HT realise the case is still with the PF? As its still "live" until the decide whether to proceed or not surely the school have a duty of care to your DD. I'd be kicking up a shit storm at the school reception until you were seen. Does dd have a guidance tutor? Get them involved too as they tend to be a bit more informed on things effecting I divi dual pupils.

What is the schools bullying policy? This goes way above that, but if they offer protection to bullying victims then the same should apply to your dd.

Anything I can do PM me. I know a bit about the legal system.

Just the first page sorry baby biteing my toe

Keep a diary we ithput this you might have nothing. Date, timr, place, incident, how it made her feel .at home at school effect on family, social life, eating patterns, sleeping, communication with otners eyc.

First talk to his parents and give them a time frame to sort things out if not then go to the school and the police and like i said ss because i not sure what type of parents wouldnt sort this out

Is the boy at the same school ???

Yes jumping this is a third year option subject, hence the reason I don't want to move her. The parents weren't informed of the sexual assault as me and dh decided that we didn't want to press charges, we felt she had been through enough and it really would be a 'he said, she said' situation.

MrBo I explained in my original posts why 'we didn't step in earlier' we didn't know. DD is a very shy private person who finds it difficult to talk about things that are upsetting her. She only confessed about the assault about 6 weeks after they had finished. There's no way in Hell I would have let it continue had I known. This boy had everyone fooled. He comes across as a lovely polite boy. Incidentally, DH was very keen to go round and 'have a quiet word' when we discovered the YouTube video, however we decided to call the police and let them deal with it.

Op has already been to the police, the boys have been charged and a report sent to the procurator fiscal (cps equivalent in Scotland). Before the summer hols op thought that her dd and the exbf would not share any classes this term, but they are for 3 hours a week.

Thanks Glakit it's shite isn't it. Guidance tutor wouldn't be able to do anything. There is only one class for this subject. Good point re case still being under review. I will say that in my email for legal dept.

Sorry Glaikit can't even spell today

So what will happen with the school situation

Will he still be at the same school surley she cant be expected to go to school with this boy

If he is charged because of his age nothing much may happen to him such is the law in the uk

Will she just be expected to resume classes with him or Will he be kicked out if found guilty

MrBo, yes that I why I have revived this thread. Not only are they at the same school, they are in the same class at times, even though we were told at the end of term he would be moved.

It's fine hairy! Tis a funny word!

You just go from battle to battle don't you?

Here have a ((((hug)))) while no one is looking :)

I hope your dd is ok, this would be hard to go through as an adult never mind a child.

I hope it all gets sorted out for her sake

Hi OP, I would push for him to move classes at the very least. I only say this as when I was 14 I was sexually assulted by a 6former. It was hell just seeing him in the corridor.

Anyway I hope your DD is ok. Sending hugs x

I think at this point you should consider hiring a solicitor, Hairy.

Here are some links to legal aid from Women's Aid website.

The school may or may not have its hands tied here wrt this boy's alleged rights; your DD has rights too and nothing says you're serious about her rights like having a solicitor send a letter or two to the school.

hairy unfortunately I have nothing to offer in way of advice but have read through entire thread and wanted to offer my support. This sounds like an awful situation for both you and your dd and sounds like you're handling it very well given the circumstances.

Nothing to offer in the way of advice but just wanted to say how well you and your family are coping with this situation, I really hope your DD gets the outcome you all want and need. x

I think you might want to get the lea, ofsted and dse invoved also i would get ss invloved

My sons school took no action until i got those people on board they school wont want to be those groups radar

Ots so tempting to mover her but dont she has done nothing wrong he should be moved just gose to show the pArents have no shame

If it were my son he would be withdraw the same day and he would never be heard of again

I kow its a pain but i wous also just keep phoneing every moring until somtjing is done

Not sure her but could she not get a stay away order which would mean he would have to change schools

Long shot i know

I agree with mathanxiety.

I agree with Math too, a solicitors letter might be a good idea at this point.

Lets everyone know where they stand.

I would try contacting your Local Authority to find out what their policy is.

I went on the RespectMe site (Scottish anti-bullying site)
www.respectme.org.uk/Checklist.html

and they mentioned the Scottish Child Law Centre
www.sclc.org.uk/
It might be worth speaking to them.

I have just emailed (via the HT) the legal department at the education authority. I stated all the facts and finished with a strong 'you have a duty of care to my dd, it is wholly unacceptable that she has to share a class with someone who has been charged with crimes against her and who has sexually assaulted her'

So, back to wait and see. I will engage a solicitor if this doesnt have any effect though.

Best of luck. Its really important that you do keep the issue on their radar otherwise there is a risk someone will file it under too difficult to deal with resolved.