To wonder if talking to your child should take precedence over reading your book

[clemetteattlee]

I genuinely don't know how I feel about this one but it has been on my mind since yesterday (I am revising for exams so my mind is easily distractable at the moment) so I thought I'd see what you think.

At the cafe of the swimming baths with my daughter last night, waiting for my MIL and son to finish his lesson and come down. Next to us was a woman reading a novel and a child who must have been about eight or nine. For half an hour she read her book and didn't speak to him. He didn't have anything to do but equally wasn't playing up. He just stood there watching the world go by, occasionally scuffing his heels.

Now I am by no means the perfect parent - my daughter and I were playing drawsomeon my phone not having a deep chat, and when I am on holiday or at home I do get engrossed in a book and try and encourage my two to do something independently, but they are in an environment where there is stuff to do rather than in a grungy cafe with nothing to occupy them.

I am not judging this woman, who knows what her child/relationship/background is like, but I suppose I wondered if this is unusual behaviour, or maybe I just play "entertainer" to mine too readily?

I agree with Nanny?s post ? my partner would be offended if we were out together and I took a book to read, and visa versa. The same with my mother and any other member of my family (younger members included!). My younger brother has a tendency to be preoccupied with his iPhone when we go out ? despite his age, I consider this to be rude. When using the phone he is vacant and difficult to communicate with.

It is important for children to see reading as an enjoyable task, of course, but equally as important that they learn manners too; I consider reading when out in public with only the company of a single other (adult or child) to be unsociable, and rude. Being at home is an entirely different story and I do fully accept that children need to be able to entertain themselves.

I would not consider taking a book when going out with my son to a cafe. If the son did, perhaps, want to talk the book could act as a barrier, preventing him from initiating conversation. However, like I said, this is dependent on the situation.

No one knows the situation. Possibly the mother was at a very gripping part and asked if she could just finish-possibly she had to do some reading for work and had very little time-there are all sorts of possibilities. I don't think that you should sit and ignore a toddler but at 8yrs old he was fully capable of sorting himself out.

Still revising!

I'd read in public or at home, in company or alone. I wouldn't read in front of someone I hadn't seen for a long time, but with friends and family, why not?

I usually mumsnet or facebook at swimming but only cos I haven't got a kindle yet and books are a bit big for my handbook. The kids know what to expect. It's not 'chat' time, that can happen at other times of the day. They can take their own book, ds, colouring books, homework etc but usually don't bother

I used to love daydreaming, still do if I get time. It's one of the best parts of childhood imo. I like to see them developing those skills

RBM, that is your personal 'rule' though, isn't it? That it is rude. It doesn't mean it is some general rule that applies to all of society.

We have the opposite rule in our house. It is rude to interrupt somebody if they are reading unless the conversation is urgently needed.

DS sits to the same person on the school bus every day, and either one or both of them reads. It would be ridiculous if neither of them read on the off chance the other one needed to have a conversation.

If I am somewhere with another adult, unless we have arranged to meet up to chat, it really is up to them to be able to provide their own entertainment. If I haven't got a book, I'd at least have a pencil and paper with me. An adult should certainly be able to occupy themselves, as should an 8 year old.

We are a bookish family and so it is quite acceptable to read at the table etc

Remember reading an article about someone who stayed at the house of a uni lecturer and was astounded when at dinner they all appeared with their books

I've usually got my nose in a book (or my Kindle now) and in my family we often all sit reading something different in silence. I wouldn't read if I was meeting up with a friend, but I'd never get to read if I waited until I was alone in the house!

I find it really difficult to understand the idea that you have to constantly stimulate and entertain children. I spent the afternoon at my sister's house today, so there were six children of varying ages there. We played on the Wii together for about an hour and then they went off to do different things whilst I chatted to my sister and we pretty much 'ignored' them until they needed feeding. All agreed we'd had a lovely time when it was time to come home.

I'm a teacher and many of the children I teach do have difficulty waiting for attention. At the start of every academic year I have to spend time reinforcing the idea that whilst your needs are important, so are those of everyone else and sometimes you have to wait quietly until it is your turn. My school is a Rights Respecting School and one thing that the UNICEF inspectors stressed when they inspected us are that rights need to be balanced by responsibilites, otherwise you are infringing on the rights of others.

If you were in a cafe with another adult and they sat and read their book and ignored you, would you mind?

Not if it were a family member with whom I have plenty of other occasions to chat.