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Original poster

I think I have just caught my dh lying to me...

448 replies

Corrie4Ever · 13/06/2012 22:41

I've changed my bname for this one, it seems pretty serious
DH went to London today for a work meeting. Said in the morning he "wouldn't be home till late, 9 or 10 pm".
"Why?" I said. "Those meetings never go on much past 5pm do they?" (is a 3 hour journey back to us, max)
"Oh, uh, no," says he, a bit flummoxed. "I suppose I'll be back more like 8ish then."
Thought no more of it. then got text at 7.50pm saying "some poor soul has jumped in front of the train, gonna be late"
Followed by "god I hate London!"
Then I rang him at 9pm and he said he was back out of London and had picked his car up at Basingstoke, and was driving home. I asked about the suicide, he said the train was sat on the rails for AGES while police investigated someone jumping under the train in front of him all this on the railway just between Waterloo and Clapham.
I begin to remember that earlier conversation this morning.
Look on the internet. No record of any such incident, delays, nothing.
Ring South West TRains, nothing happend at all...
He is still not back- what do you guys reckon??
WE have been together 8 years, 2dcs, never ever had any cause to suspect anything before...happily married...I think...

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 14/06/2012 13:27

I think when you have very small children that need to know when your partner is coming home that so many people have is understandable.

Speaking as the WOH parent, I don't feel DH keeps tabs on me. But, if he is going to have to have both kids bathed and put to bed on his own after a long day looking after them, he'd quite like to know in advance. Which is fair enough. Equally, he doesn't 'veto' what I might be doing to keep me out later nor check up on me about it.

sparkybabe · 14/06/2012 13:34

I just wondered OP - you say you phoned him at 9pm and he'd picked the car upand was driving home,but your OP is timed 2241pm and he was still not back. Does it normally take him over 2 hours to drive from the station?

ANd if so, then you say the meeting usually finishes at 5, then train to basingstoke, what, 1 hour, then 2.5 hour drive from station - the absolute earliest he would be home would be 8.30pm.

Even allowing for delays, connections, tube, walking etc.

Chubfuddler · 14/06/2012 13:35

It would never even occur to me to check whether this story was true if my husband told it to me. The fact you feel you need to do so is the real issue op. is that justified or not? We don't know.

bugster · 14/06/2012 13:40

nutella completely agree. Having a hooker's card is not likely to be for a jolly funny prankish reason (unless he's 14) and this idea that if a woman dares to demand help from her poor tired hardworking husband, instead of accepting his infantile pub sessions, is a henpecker makes me sick.

The examples I know in RL of these 'easy going' wives were situations when the wife turned a blind eye because she didn't want a change of lifestyle. Unfortunately it got to the point eventually where they were confronted with the infidelities directly.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 14/06/2012 13:45

Jeez, the wonder of MN!

From one incident described by the OP, she has been judged and found guilty of being controlling and unreasonable- some of the posters here must have ESP to deduce all they have about the poor woman!

As to the original point. Does it really matter whether the DH is lying to go to a hooker or lying to go for a pint? both are still lying, which is pretty crap in any relationship (if he is, in fact, lying!) The Op said she had no problem with her DH going out. I don't have any problem with DH going out, but I do like to be nosy and know where! not for controlling reasons, just because it's natural curiosity- if my best friend told me she went out last night, I would ask where! can't see what is so wrong with that.

There seems to be black and white lines drawn on here- either you are a controlling bint who keeps her DH on so short a lead that he has to lie to go for a measly pint OR you are so ultra-cool you don't know where your DH goes, ever, and don't care- surely that's not realistic?? Confused

Youvebeentangoed · 14/06/2012 13:46

What is the obsession with it being a "Hookers" card?

It was a Masseuse card. Not all of them are hookers.

It could very well be that he fancied a massage.

Or could be his brothers, as he says.

Or it could be really a hooker. But why automatically assume the worst?

PullUpAPew · 14/06/2012 13:48

hahaha yes, sure it was a sports massage Grin

tinkertitonk · 14/06/2012 13:49

So there are 3 hours in this man's life for which he cannot account to his wife's satisfaction. 3 hours. Go on OP, interrogate away, that's the basis of any reasonable relationship.

Youvebeentangoed · 14/06/2012 13:49

I always here women moaning that they would love a weekend at a spa, getting a massage and relaxing. Aren't men allowed to fancy a massage too?

yellowraincoat · 14/06/2012 13:52

In my experience, the difference between a card for a sports massage and a card for a prostitute are fairly obvious.

PooPooInMyToes · 14/06/2012 13:52

Why lie about it though if its just an innocent massage!

Nancy66 · 14/06/2012 13:52

if it was a sports massage it would be a professional business card - as the OP said 'masseuse' I'm assuming it showed a picture of a woman in stockings and a basque or something similar.

And why wouldn't her husband just say 'it's a sports massage' or 'it's for my stiff neck'

Youvebeentangoed · 14/06/2012 13:55

So it couldn't possibly just say Professional Masseuse on it, with a contact number or what not? Nowhere have I seen the OP mention it had a woman on wearing stockings Hmm

And maybe he was paranoid the OP wouldn't like it?

Or maybe, it wasn't his after all.

Just love the automatic assumption that "Masseuse" = "Hooker".

PooPooInMyToes · 14/06/2012 13:57

My friend gives massages but her card didn't have a pic of a pair of boobs on it. Only the op can say if it did or not.

yellowraincoat · 14/06/2012 13:59

I'm sorry, the difference between a masseuse and a prostitute's cards would be really obvious. Unless the OP is ragingly paranoid, I really think she could tell it was a prostitute's card.

Also, why would the husband say it was his brother's if it was just for a normal massage?

Youvebeentangoed · 14/06/2012 14:00

I think if the card did have boobs, stocking or Basques, then the OP would of mentioned it. I certainly would of kicked off more about that fact, rather than merely mentioning a card.

Nancy66 · 14/06/2012 14:00

I don't know anybody that gives legit massages that would call themselves a 'masseuse'

Youvebeentangoed · 14/06/2012 14:02

Maybe because he thought so might think it would be more than a massage?

All we are doing is assuming here.

Maybe he actually is telling the truth.

squeakytoy · 14/06/2012 14:03

Re: Train delay - there was nothing on Twitter

Oh yes there bloody well was!! There scores of people moaning that they had been delayed on their way out of london.

And as for the masseuse card, it was on a table ages ago, not hidden in his pocket..

I have a load of hookers cards in a suitcase upstairs.. because when we in vegas there are lines and lines of men clicking them at everyone who walks past and shoving them into their hands... does not mean I have ever been to see a hooker or a masseuse in my life though.

Youvebeentangoed · 14/06/2012 14:05

So you know and can speak for a large proportion of them then Nancy?

CamperFan · 14/06/2012 14:05

It's not even 3 hours - the OP said it can take that long to get home. So, there's about an hour?

If the OPs husband did lie, but not doing anything untoward, then as a couple they need to look at why he found the need to lie just to get an hour to do something for himself. OP, do you tend to begrudge him socialising time? And are you ever coming back to this thread? Smile

Lizzylou · 14/06/2012 14:07

Whatever was on the card, he left it out on a table in full view. Which are not the actions of someone planning/enjoying "happyendings" at the local dodgy sauna.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 14/06/2012 14:15

DH has a 2 pint rule. If he has more than two pints he's out until 2am.

Am I the only one who actually encourages DH to stay in a hotel/at a mate's house, when he goes out for a knee's up

I don't want him coming home, at 4am, bringing a kebab to bed, waking me up, being sick in the loo, and farting himself to sleep, ta very much

I've said this before but I'll say it again, LeQueen and I are SO OBVIOUSLY married to the same man. Smile

Nancy66 · 14/06/2012 14:15

Yes, youvebeentangoed, yes I can - that is EXACTLY what I said. Well done.

squeakytoy · 14/06/2012 14:15

I agree that the bloke probably just wanted to go and watch the football after work with colleagues but knew if he mentioned that, it would be vetoed.

I am another wife who really does not mind her husband having mates and a social life that doesnt always include me. He goes on men only works trips to the races and golf, I go on girls only holidays to Rome, Prague and wherever else takes the fancy of me and my friends.

I grew up with a mother who constantly kept tabs on my dad and timed him.. got jealous of customers he spent too long (in her opinion) doing jobs for (he was a decorator), and was shrewish and passive agressive if he ever wanted to do anything that didnt include her. I vowed never to be like her in that respect.