I think I have just caught my dh lying to me...

[Corrie4Ever]

I've changed my bname for this one, it seems pretty serious
DH went to London today for a work meeting. Said in the morning he "wouldn't be home till late, 9 or 10 pm".
"Why?" I said. "Those meetings never go on much past 5pm do they?" (is a 3 hour journey back to us, max)
"Oh, uh, no," says he, a bit flummoxed. "I suppose I'll be back more like 8ish then."
Thought no more of it. then got text at 7.50pm saying "some poor soul has jumped in front of the train, gonna be late"
Followed by "god I hate London!"
Then I rang him at 9pm and he said he was back out of London and had picked his car up at Basingstoke, and was driving home. I asked about the suicide, he said the train was sat on the rails for AGES while police investigated someone jumping under the train in front of him all this on the railway just between Waterloo and Clapham.
I begin to remember that earlier conversation this morning.
Look on the internet. No record of any such incident, delays, nothing.
Ring South West TRains, nothing happend at all...
He is still not back- what do you guys reckon??
WE have been together 8 years, 2dcs, never ever had any cause to suspect anything before...happily married...I think...

Wow I have to say LeQueen et al - you sound incredibly smug. I am glad your arrangement works for you, I am sure it always will do, and you will never have a moment's doubt about your partner and his whereabouts. All due to the effortlessly gracious way you manage your free time and his...

As for the OP - whose thread this is - she for whatever reason doesn't 100% trust her h. Instinct is a pretty good guide in these situations and human beings have evolved to pick up on shiftiness.

Hope you are wrong though OP - if you can ever face coming back to the thread

I think I may also be married to him as well :)

(sorry that was directed at hermajesty:)

Im pretty sure the op has said she doesn't care less if he wants to go out for a drink, so why are people still saying that must have been the reason?

*Jeez, the wonder of MN!

From one incident described by the OP, she has been judged and found guilty of being controlling and unreasonable- some of the posters here must have ESP to deduce all they have about the poor woman!*

But the people assuming the ops DH is having an affair, searching twitter, googling if there was any train delays, drawing assumptions from a card they may or may not be his, suggesting the op checks his phone, email, bank records, looks for train tickets, they are all perfectly rational??

But, very often, I suspect that really, one partner just doesn't like the idea of their other half ever enjoying themselves on their own, or ever doing their own thing.

And, actually, it wouldn't even matter, if their other half also encouraged them to have some free time, too, and do their own thing...because, actually, the person doesn't want to. They want to live in their partner's pockets, because of their own insecurity, and because of their own lack of social opportunities.

Absolutely spot on. So many threads on MN are from women exactly like that. And you drive your husbands bonkers to the point where they end up lying to you because anything else causes too much of a row.

I really doubt you know most of all the Masseuses in the whole of the UK Nancy.

Yep she says

I couldn't care less about football or anything,

In her second post. So either posters can't read which is unlikely or you're enjoying making assumptions and showing off how nice you are to your husbands

tinkertitonk

He has to account to his wife's satisfaction

What a dreadful way to view the relationship.

He was stuck on a train FFS!

From my experience on Mumsnet and in rl, if a woman is suspicious and has an inkling that something isn't right, she's usually right.

I tell my dd, always ALWAYS listen to that inner voice. If that inner voice tells you that something is wrong then LISTEN.

I don't know who the OP is, what their relationship is like and neither do I care for all these assumptions about women and marriages. It's very easy to generalise and group everyone so that you can cast judgement - not very helpful though is it?

The OP had an inkling something wasn't right. That counts for a lot in my book. I've not come across a single thread on Mumsnet where a poster had such an inkling and it turned out to be a false alarm.

youvebeentangoed - I WAS BEING SARCASTIC - flipping 'eck

But op has said she doesn't mind if he goes for a drink - so why the rush to accuse her of henpecking and 'poor bloke has to lie'?
If any family member has a fairly regular routine wouldn't they say if it was changed? 'Don't expect me at the usual time - might go for a drink/pop to the shops /call into a friends' after work'?

That's normal and non doormatty no matter what gender the person is.

It's not normal to be the one at home wondering when the other person would roll in, whenever it suits them with no regard their partners' possible plans. Now that is being a doormat, no matter how it's dressed up as Being The Wife All The Guys Wish They Had.

To be fair to the OP if she had never found the masseuse card perhaps she'd be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing. Sha has obviously never really trusted him since finding that (and neither would I either) so she is constantly looking for evidence that he is lying. The trouble is, whether he used a prostitute or not, if he is aware that she is very uptight about his whereabouts every hour of the day then he will lie, just to get a coupld of hours to himself without a big row. Self fulfilling prophesy, see?

From my experience on Mumsnet and in rl, if a woman is suspicious and has an inkling that something isn't right, she's usually right

Yet if a man has suspicions, he is classed as a controlling paranoid bastard on here...

I always love the threads where a change of gender would completely reverse the opinions of many posters..

me too squeaky.

Am I the only one who thinks he would have to be pretty stupid to arrive home late anyway on purpose when she'd already pulled him on it before he even left for work!!!
As for the presumptions of everyone on the thread-only doing what OP is doing because non of us have the facts but here's the difference, she can ask him!!!!!
Speaking of which where is OP? Sure we're all desperate to know if he is innocent or actually shagging a hooker/masseuse.

God, yes - can you imagine this one? OP comes on to say she got stuck on a train after a late meeting and came in the door at 10 instead of 8, to find DH has been phoning the train company and had accused her of lying? We'd have 'Leave the bastard, it's creepy, it's EA, it's controlling - he'll be beating you are locking you in the house bext. GET YOUR CHILDREN OUT NOOOOOOW!!!!!!'

I may have missed this but is the OP sure that the masseuse card was not, in fact, a card for a genuine masseuse?

that would be 'beating you and locking you in the house next' obviously.

Do you squeaky?
I don't think there'd be too many backslappers to a woman who lied to get herself a few hours to do divil-knows-what, when her dh is usually ok with her going out for a few hours to do normal things like go for a drink after work. if going for a drink is 'allowed' (for want of a better word) I assume shopping/gym/meeting friends would be too. Why would a spouse need to lie beyond that?

we only have the op's word tat she's not a jailer. That will do for me.

can i ask those who think this is totally innocent - why would anyone keep in their wallet a masseuse card?

there are many men who use prostitutes. Do you think they tell their wives?

or do you think they make up fairly innocuous stories which could be true, are difficult to check, to cover their tracks for a few hours?

which do you think it is?

Why would the OP be back.....i mean people are making insinuations about her, making vast sweeping generalisations about the state of her relationship, why in the name of fuck would she come back to this? i presume she posted for support, maybe advice, perhaps reassurance?

and yet i bet everyone who thinks her DH is innocent would be on the edge of their seat for an update if she had found out he was cheating or using a 'masseuse'...its all entertainment isnt it at the end of the day.

i consider myself lucky, i have a DH who i do trust, and who i would never think to check up on. That doesnt have to mean im a bastard to everyone who isnt
quite so lucky.

ive no idea why some of these threads illicit such a shitty response. im genuinely bemused.