I think I have just caught my dh lying to me...

[Corrie4Ever]

I've changed my bname for this one, it seems pretty serious
DH went to London today for a work meeting. Said in the morning he "wouldn't be home till late, 9 or 10 pm".
"Why?" I said. "Those meetings never go on much past 5pm do they?" (is a 3 hour journey back to us, max)
"Oh, uh, no," says he, a bit flummoxed. "I suppose I'll be back more like 8ish then."
Thought no more of it. then got text at 7.50pm saying "some poor soul has jumped in front of the train, gonna be late"
Followed by "god I hate London!"
Then I rang him at 9pm and he said he was back out of London and had picked his car up at Basingstoke, and was driving home. I asked about the suicide, he said the train was sat on the rails for AGES while police investigated someone jumping under the train in front of him all this on the railway just between Waterloo and Clapham.
I begin to remember that earlier conversation this morning.
Look on the internet. No record of any such incident, delays, nothing.
Ring South West TRains, nothing happend at all...
He is still not back- what do you guys reckon??
WE have been together 8 years, 2dcs, never ever had any cause to suspect anything before...happily married...I think...

LeQueen, COMPLETELY agree with all of your last post. That is exactly how it is with me and my partner.

This thread has made me appreciate having him even more so.

shrug

I don't see it that often, I have to say.

You never know what's actually going on behind closed doors, so I tend to reserve judgement.

I also see it a lot, but I don't think that it means it is the norm with a majority. You just don't hear of the good and happy relationships as they, obviously, have nothing to complain about.

Men also want to control and make their partners account for every second. That is generally seen as abusive, and sadly you can see that in the relationships section a lot.

It is my experience in RL that men often get far more me time than women when they are mothers and fathers.

I don't include myself in that particularly. My DH probably does get more me time in one sense, he is in a band for example and gigs/practises a couple of times a week. But that is his downtime. Mine is reading and watching trash so far more conducive to being at home.

But we work as a partnership, and both want the other to be happy, so we rub along quite nicely.

I'm baffled by this Sadly suicides and attempted suicides are very common on the tube, they'd never be reported. I just can't imagine going to these amateur sleuth lengths unless I already didn't trust my DH

"No he said he would be back late, she queried why as he was normally back at 8pm."

Possibly it came across as accusing?

My goodness.
A LOT of presumptions being made on this thread.
I don't think it's unreasonable for the OP to ask what will keep her DH from coming home late. Maybe she wanted to know in order to put his tea on. Maybe she was just showing an interest. If my DH said he was going to be home late, I would ask why, just because we do talk about his work and any meetings he has that may go on longer, and how they go. DH likes to be able to talk about work when he gets home. Similarly, if I tell DH I'm going to be late home, I would find it odd if he didn't ask what my plans were. If either of us were going to be late, and the reason was that we were going for a pint, that would be fine. I encourage him to go out as much as he wants.
Also, if I got 2 texts from DH to say that a) there was a suicide and b) he hated the place he was in, I don't think it would be unreasonable to phone to see he was okay.

It really makes me sad to think that just because we tend to let each other know what we're doing for the convenience of the other, we are "in each other's pockets".

the OP is worried abut the masseuse card. I dont blame her at all.

Its interesting that the Night Crowd largely jumped to the "shagging a hooker" conclusion, the Day Crowd are more of the "henpecked hubby down the pub" viewpoint.

This has become a woman-blaming thread :( OP, get it moved to Relationships if you're still here.

Re: Train delay - there was nothing on Twitter and one poster has said her DH got home on time using the same line yesterday. OP is not being irrational to suppose he lied. He DID lie. Which was the point of her OP,

Personally, I don't like being in relationships with people who lie to me about things that affect me. Some people might find it amusing. I find it the opposite of loving.

OP was obviously suspicious because H had already tried to lie to her about the same thing.

In her shoes, I'd also be wondering what was so important that he lied to me twice and takes 3 hours.

I wouldn't be assuming it was an infidelity. But, if my mind made an instant connection with a mystery sex services card I'd found in the past, then I would be asking myself (and mumsnet!) whether there were any other subtle indicators, which prompted my mind to make that connection.

I wouldn't necessarily make a big deal out of my suspicion. But I would definitely be acknowledging to myself that:
[a] Something matters more to DH than honesty with his wife
[b] DH cannot be trusted completely
[c] I trust my instincts and something's wrong.

How is it interesting Whatmeworry ?

Thing is though-if he was up to something-why say anything in the morning?

This has become a woman-blaming thread sad OP, get it moved to Relationships if you're still here

Quite right - it'll quickly go back to man-blaming there :)

How is it interesting Whatmeworry ?

Dunno - just curious about the different tack - I was wondering if its different demographics, more wine or what.

The OP said she wouldn't give a toss about her DH going for a pint though. It wouldn't occur to me to check up on DP or his story if something like this happened. But, there is obviously a lack of trust in their relationship. That, coupled with the hooker card, would make me think that my intuition may be telling me something.

I totally agree that when couples (often wives IME) have a problem with their DHs social life, that is often an expression of their resentment regarding other aspects of their lives. I was a bit like that with ex: but he was a selfish, lazy prick who always sabotaged my social life.

DP and I are both free to come and go as we please, as long as the DC are being cared for. I encourage him to go and have a good time and he does exactly the same to me.

Sure, Whatme, ignore the rest of what I've posted and turn it into a battle of the sexes. That helps everybody. It's 'interesting' that you seem determined to speak up for a man who hasn't posted here, against a woman who has.

The only thing you know about Mr Corrie is that he's a liar. Could you explain why you support him to the extent that you badmouth his wife?

i think anyone who does trust someone who just happens to have a sexual services card, is naive and not in a good relationship, whovever much they kid themselves that them trusting thier partner makes the situation ok....

Not sure if this is helpful but me and DH travel that line every day (at different times - we don't travel together) and there were no issues yesterday. Something like a suicide would cause disruption for hours afterwards so my DH would not have got home at 8pm if there was a problem.

I do think you need to talk to him thought and get to the bottom of why he feels he needs to lie. Not in accustarory tone assuming he's been seeing a hooker etc but in a concerned about your relationship way.

Garlic. There was a fatality. I checked.

garlicbum, nowhere has the OP said roughly what time he got on the train, so how can that poster know that her DP hadn't got on the train before?

And one, maybe two, posters have said there was stuff on Twitter about it. I wouldn't know, as don't have a Twitter account.

Also, if I recall right, someone who works for a railway company even posted saying there WAS something going on last night (can't remember exactly what was posted).

So exactly, how do we KNOW he was lying?

Honestly? I think that sometimes we pick up on a whole lot of cues about stuff subconsciously, and when bells start ringing in relationships ignoring them is a bad idea. At the very least a long chat about how happy both of you are in the relationship is in order.

As for "not doing feminism" and all this talk about controlling SAHM's who should realise how hard it is for wossums working for 8 hours a day and therefore be happy to work, unpaid, at home on call 24/7 while their OH quite rightly lies through his teeth to fuck off out off his horrible henpecked life at home.... shit. You really do think women (or some women) are an inferior species, huh? How sad for you.

This thread has gone off the rails a bit though hasn't it?

It's not about the hows or whys of going to the pub without your other half - the OPs point was that some things had happened to raise her suspicions - starting with finding a hookers' business card - and she wanted some opinions. For some reason that makes her some kind of bunny boiler

Which is probably why the OP seems to have given up on this thread hours ago...

Is it possible that the masseus card could just be a business card for an innocent massage company? I'm sure being stuck on a delayed train for 3 hours would warrant a massage anyway.

Lulabel, your DP could well of been on a different train, just beforehand.

It has been stated, there WAS a fatality. There is NO lying about that.

Xposted with nutella (yum )