I think I have just caught my dh lying to me...

[Corrie4Ever]

I've changed my bname for this one, it seems pretty serious
DH went to London today for a work meeting. Said in the morning he "wouldn't be home till late, 9 or 10 pm".
"Why?" I said. "Those meetings never go on much past 5pm do they?" (is a 3 hour journey back to us, max)
"Oh, uh, no," says he, a bit flummoxed. "I suppose I'll be back more like 8ish then."
Thought no more of it. then got text at 7.50pm saying "some poor soul has jumped in front of the train, gonna be late"
Followed by "god I hate London!"
Then I rang him at 9pm and he said he was back out of London and had picked his car up at Basingstoke, and was driving home. I asked about the suicide, he said the train was sat on the rails for AGES while police investigated someone jumping under the train in front of him all this on the railway just between Waterloo and Clapham.
I begin to remember that earlier conversation this morning.
Look on the internet. No record of any such incident, delays, nothing.
Ring South West TRains, nothing happend at all...
He is still not back- what do you guys reckon??
WE have been together 8 years, 2dcs, never ever had any cause to suspect anything before...happily married...I think...

"Not everything in life is a conspiracy/lie/cover-up/cheat/trick/swindle/fraud"

Dreamingofsummer, i agree. Things are usually as they seem.

Which is why i doubt the masseuse card belonged to anybody other than the OP's husband.

I would hate to have to "check in" or account for every hour of my day. I am not a child, I am an adult. And I am not just a mother/partner, I am ME. My own person, with my own hobbies and interests. Just because I am now in a long term relationship, with kids, and soon to be married does not mean I want to live in their pockets 24/7.

LeQueen I did, but sadly DH's regular crash pad was BIL who has now moved into the 'burbs. So he has to come home all smelly and drunk. Lucky me!

If I know mine is going to be pissed, I want him to stay somewhere else. It's an unspoken rule.

My MIL rings me and asks where DH is working that day...my reply is always "erm, do you know I'm not sure" and she always laughs at me. Maybe I should take more time asking him but it just doesn't occur to me (he could be anywhere in the country).

Maybe I should start getting him to check in on Facebook to make sure he's not up to no good.

Stop bashing the OP!! She is suddenly some awful jailer of a woman who won't let her poor husband out for a quick pint because apparently men need to go to pubs.

She should be content to sit at home and await his return when he sees fit.

Or she thought her husband would be home at his normal time, and expressed an element of surprise that he wasn't. I would do this. My DH is entitled to do what he likes, as am I, however he is always home from one of his clubs at 11.30. Always. If it got to 12.30am and he wasn't back I would be worried. If he told me prior to him going that he would be back late I would ask why. Not because I am controlling, because I am interested. He probably wouldn't do the same to me because he wouldn't be listening

This talk of controlling women hanging desperately on to their man, furiously hen pecking away, and then the "cool" wives who actively encourage dh to go and enjoy himself in whatever way he sees fit is disingenuous at best.

On a slightly different note my (childless) friend was laughing at how one of her male colleagues has started inventing reasons to stay at work becuase his 6 month old twins are hard work and he would rather get home after bedtime. She felt sorry for him because the dt's are dumped on him when he gets home apparently. Poor sausage. I thought he was a cock for not taking on responsibility for his children and supporting his wife.

believe I'm not sure of what my dh does! Do I win?

I don't think she is either! Often the gut instinct is right. They need to talk.

Billy, that's different though. He was already out at his club, with no issues from you. The OP TOLD him he shouldn't be back later than 8pm because his meeting finishes at 5. It's almost a threat, or an unspoken request that he goes no where else.

LeQueen - MN falls into two camps as far as I can see. Those who think that as soon as a baby makes an appearance, solitary social activities must be discussed, agreed upon, signed in triplicate and stamped, 28 days in advance - and the minority, those who don't.

I don't know if the OP's dh has cheated - not a clue - but I do think that if what the OP recounts is typical behaviour for her, she does sound a bit chasey-uppy and where-are-you-nowish. That sort of nonsense annoys me.

The calling card is suspect too though.

So....god knows.

Haha, Billy, yeah ya do! :o

Mine does something with bronze. I actually couldn't tell you where he is right now.

Why would that make him a cock? He has been at work all day and then has twins "dumped on him" so every now and then makes up excuses to get home late?

I agree he should be going home and helping out, but not having both just. "dumped" on him.

No he said he would be back late, she queried why as he was normally back at 8pm. What's wrong with that?

DH's best friend stopped going out drinking the day his baby was born, at the wife's request. He didn't go out every night, or every weekend even. Just every now and then, but this has stopped and the baby is now one.

Why? Why do men (or women) have to stop going for a drink because a baby appears?

I agree with with LeQ and the others that you shouldn't have to justify to your partner why you sometimes don't come straight home but instead have a life outside of work.

My DH doesn't drink alcohol but he and his friends do spend an inordinate amount of time gossiping discussing important matters over coffee. I quite like it as it means I am mistress of the remote control .

If my DH is going out in the evening I might ask vaguely what he is up to or he might volunteer he is going to watch the footie but I'm not really that interested whether he is watching the footie with X or drinking coffee with Y.

sometimes I don't come straight home from work but go out with my colleagues, go shopping or sometimes sit in a cafe with a book!

I use Southeastern or First Capital Connect - they never, ever, ever have details of any delays I might have experienced within a few hours. Ever. They might the next morning have a "there were delays" kind of message but they are shit and unreliable on their site.

As for other poster's DH's being on the same line - at the same time? If not, then of course your DH got home on time!

OP, calm the hell down :) Just ask him straight up - did you plan/want to go for a drink last night - is that why you thought you'd be in at 10? And make it clear to him that it is FAR better for him to just say that, than rouse suspicion and make you see monsters where there are none.

I agree BillyBollyBandy , I pretty much know what my partner is up to most of the time and he knows what I'm up to. If I'm not in when he gets home, he'll ring and vice versa. We chat on messenger throughout the day. I'm not checking up, it's just that I am interested. He's my partner, why wouldn't I be?

We do plenty of things separately, have nights out where we don't get in til 4 in the morning, it's just nice to know what the other is up to.

Because he and his colleauges were laughing about his wife at work and how he could avoid taking care of his children.

He was doing it regularly.

And it would have been interesting to know what break his wife was getting.

They were 6 months old and there were 2 of them. Yep his life was going to be bloody hard work for a while, as was his wife's.

And I have no idea if those twins were dumped on him, or whether his wife wanted some help because she was EBF'ing both of them through a growth spurt and didn't know her own name anymore due to exhaustion.

The fact he and his collagues thought it was funny was shite imo.

You know what, I think it is actually pretty sad that partners aren't comfortable for the other one to be out unless for work purposes.

I encourage DP to have a break every now and then, which means I don't get any help with our two when those evenings happen.

Vice versa. He encourages me to have a break, meaning our two get "dumped" on him as soon as he walks through the door.

Any other time, we both share responsibility and neither is expected to take over completely.

It's suffocating. Not to mention unprofessional. If I rang my DH 10 times a day or was texting him right left and centre he'd get no fecking work done, and neither would I.

I let him get on with it, he does the same with me. We do talk during the day sometimes but only if it's for something specific.

I remember once hearing about a severely delayed train - I can't actually remember the reason but it was all in the news, messing up loads of London transport. Might have been the snow?

Anyway a guy on the train was getting it in the neck from his girlfriend who didn't believe he was stuck on this train. In the end, another passenger took the phone and validated his "story"

DH and I keep in radio contact through out the day - not out of possessiveness/mistrust but because we are co-dependent We like speaking to each other during the day - during travel or a quick call for lunch or chat on gmail. It's just how we are - how are you love/yeah I'm good/I just did/saw X,Y,Z etc. Always loved that way about us.

I agree tangoed that's exactly how our home is set up.

Sometimes me and DP send the occasional text throughout the day. Never to do with what we are up to and checking up. Tends to be "How are you feeling today?", "How are the kids?", "What's for dinner?" type messages. You can talk without being controlling, I agree.

There does seem to be a lack of communication with the OP and her OH. This needs sorting before things do end up escalating.

I'd say LeQueen you're very much in the majority.

I don't think there's anyone here who wants to scrutinise their partner's diary.