I think I have just caught my dh lying to me...

[Corrie4Ever]

I've changed my bname for this one, it seems pretty serious
DH went to London today for a work meeting. Said in the morning he "wouldn't be home till late, 9 or 10 pm".
"Why?" I said. "Those meetings never go on much past 5pm do they?" (is a 3 hour journey back to us, max)
"Oh, uh, no," says he, a bit flummoxed. "I suppose I'll be back more like 8ish then."
Thought no more of it. then got text at 7.50pm saying "some poor soul has jumped in front of the train, gonna be late"
Followed by "god I hate London!"
Then I rang him at 9pm and he said he was back out of London and had picked his car up at Basingstoke, and was driving home. I asked about the suicide, he said the train was sat on the rails for AGES while police investigated someone jumping under the train in front of him all this on the railway just between Waterloo and Clapham.
I begin to remember that earlier conversation this morning.
Look on the internet. No record of any such incident, delays, nothing.
Ring South West TRains, nothing happend at all...
He is still not back- what do you guys reckon??
WE have been together 8 years, 2dcs, never ever had any cause to suspect anything before...happily married...I think...

No squeaky, it goes for men too but as it happens there are a lot more threads about cheating men than there are about cheating women. Probably because there are more women on Mumsnet than men. Funny that.

So in my experience reading such threads posted by women on Mumsnet, when they have an inkling that something is wrong they are usually proven to be right.

The OP was suspicious to begin with and always has been. She's had that little voice telling her something was not right for a while. So it's fair to say that if you compare that with similar cases, she's probably right.

I don't see how generalising about other peoples marriages or making gross assumptions about women helps the OP's position. It just makes a mockery of the thread and probably confirms a few insulting generalisations about women as a whole.

LeQueen - serious question. How can you respect a man who drinks himself to the point of vomiting on as regular a basis as your DH seems to, based on what you've said in this thread?
Isn't it a bit, infantile?

If DH was prone to such behaviour, perhaps I would prefer it if he stayed out all night when he went out. As it is, he comes home in a reasonable state and is up with the DSs the next morning.

vicar Why would the OP be back.....i mean people are making insinuations about her, making vast sweeping generalisations about the state of her relationship, why in the name of fuck would she come back to this? i presume she posted for support, maybe advice, perhaps reassurance?

this is a really good post

I second that assertion wasabi.

loads of posters seem want to just go go & on about their own relationships.

Can you lot try and stop being so smug about your wonderful relationships and the 'bags and bags of trust' and return to the subject here:

a woman who feels insecure and worried and who doesn't have bags of trust to dip into - because her instincts (which may or may not be right) tell her he has been shifty.

We have absolutely no evidence that she is controlling - she has responded to a niggling worry that he is not telling the whole truth. She is the one who should be cut some slack imho ......

I agree wasabi.

wot?
No OP? ;)

Nor does she have any evidence that he has done anything wrong other than a bloody business card from a masseuse found years ago but not hidden, on full display!! Like I said in my original post only way to find out is to ask him ffs-stupid people telling her to investigate further & gather evidence are the ones who haven't helped her!!!

There is no evidence either way - but highlighting the mutual support and trust in other people's marriages is a peculiarly unsupportive way to approach the issue.

Temp totally disagree!

There is no evidence to support the OP's suspicions so the default position must be to trust him. Other people showing the levels of trust they enjoy is perfectly reasonable.

i think some posters confuse trust & denial.

Ah, so me trusting my DP, means I am in denial...

And there was me thinking that a relationship based on distrust is a recipe for disaster

We may end up being proved wrong to trust our other halves, but you can't call everyone basically deluded for basing a relationship on trust. I thought that was the whole point in a relationship?

I shall continue with my denial until I actually get proper proof, and not assumptions, to bring me out of said denial.

The massage card was ages ago. Maybe at the time he had an injury, or was stressed out. Many women dream of going to a spa for stuff like massages, I don't see why it should be any different for a bloke.

Or, again, he could actually be telling the truth? And it wasn't his.

if you choose to ignore a dodgy massage advert, you are in denial.

oh & some of you sound really exploitable!

Where are you all getting the masseuse card on full display from?

The OP said she 'found' it - which suggests she went looking.

she also said it was on 'his' table - which suggests an office.

....I didn't get, from that, that he left it propped up against the toast rack on the breakfast table.

Who says it was dodgy?

fgs tangoed there is a difference between a massage card and a dodgy massage card.
they are advertisements for different services.

But DID the OP state it was dodgy? Did YOU see this card yourself?

Are you coming back op?? Know some posters have been critical of you but if you post on aybu that's the deal and it's good to hear all views isn't it??

Tangoed, I think you just have to accept that it was one of those massage cards. You'd have to be a blithering idiot to not spot the difference.

On a side note, I suggest you never go to Soho if you're feeling a little stressed.

the fact the op mentioned it here and described it as a 'masseuse' card in inverted commas means it was dodgy....get real.