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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that women should not have to be discreet when breastfeeding?

633 replies

lalaland3008 · 13/06/2012 18:57

I'm not saying that anyone should purposely flop both boobs out into someones dinner. But it makes me really mad that some people think women should have to be discreet when feeding their baby, sit in a corner or breastfeeding 'booth'.

I also think a breast is just not comparable to a penis to a vagina and if people are offended because they see breasts as purely sexual then that is their own problem.

Noone would object to me sitting in public drinking my coffee or feeding my baby a bottle of cows milk yet people find breastmilk offensive.

I'm not bitty mad I lasted 2 weeks breastfeeding but it still makes my blood boil that it is seen as controversial by many.

AIBU?

OP posts:

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 13/06/2012 21:23

Miranda so why do people keep saying they're not sexual then?

WhiteWidow · 13/06/2012 21:28

Feakandweeble with a starting line like that, I'm not sure I'd be able to uphold the tone throughout the rest of the book...

FeakAndWeeble · 13/06/2012 21:40

Ah, therein lies the challenge! I'd definitely buy it

Xmasbaby11 · 13/06/2012 21:51

I'm discreet because that's how I feel comfortable. I don't like doing it in the middle of a cafe particularly, but you can't always get a corner table. I haven't had any negative experiences.

whackamole · 13/06/2012 22:03

YANBU, but I am very surprised at the attitudes people seem to have encountered.

I BF my 7 month old, I do try and be discreet (for myself rather than to not offend anyone else!) and the only comments I have had have been positive. I think about 5 old ladies have all commented along the lines of 'good for you!' type things. I think that's lovely!

I never, however, tandem fed my twins when out and about as discretion is difficult with both boobs out

DartsAgain · 13/06/2012 22:06

I must admit, I never did get anyone making any negative comments. And if they did, DP would NOT have been happy he was always inordinately proud that I was sustaining his children. I've got happy memories of feeding DD when she was ten weeks old, sitting on the wall outside the Tate gallery in St Ives, with DP sat next to me (on the windward side, to protect DD) and us having a really happy chat.

Actually I think we've had some of our most meaningful conversations while I was bfing, usually it's when we go for a walk.

MirandaGoshawk · 13/06/2012 22:09

TheHouse - must be because they feel it's a bit pervy to have something sexual connected to an innocent baby. But it's defo the case IMHO that boobs are both sexual objects and for feeding babes. If not, as someone has already mentioned, they wouldn't be so 'inyerface' as it were

Humans are the only mammals, apparently, that have prominent teats all the time, even when not feeding young. So this must be for another reason, then?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 23:14

Breasts are sexual. Not only sexual. BTW I have also used my mouth and hands in naughty ways . We are allowed to use these for other tasks. I think there is a fine line between understanding that breasts are lovely to look at, fun to play with and meant in evolutionary terms to be attractive and also say, look at me I can afford to carry around superfluous junk, I will make good young and fetishising them. I like my breasts, for sexual purposes. I also like that I BF my DD. I would be horrified to be referred to as a heifer or heffer even though I was overweight after DD and probably smelt a little of pies.

Whatmeworry · 13/06/2012 23:18

Humans are the only mammals, apparently, that have prominent teats all the time, even when not feeding young. So this must be for another reason, then?

Probably means that feeding children is not their primary purpose anymore.

I understand that our nipples are also not optimal for babies, they would be better being long and teat shaped like all other mammals (and bottles :o )

nothingoldcanstay · 13/06/2012 23:27

I used to go topless on a beach. I was quite happy to feed any where, any when.
Sexual or not breasts are just body part and one everyone is familiar with looking at.
If you are using them to feed that's great. If they are out to get brown that's fine and if you want to have sex get them out too.
You have babies out of your vagina and use if for sex and give it a nice hair cut.
multi tasking is what we do

Whatmeworry · 13/06/2012 23:40

You have babies out of your vagina and use if for sex and give it a nice hair cut

We by and large don't have sex, give birth or shave our pubes in public though....

PignutSalamander · 14/06/2012 00:16

I am not even slightly discrete when breastfeeding, although i obviously don't plonk them in any ones face. I wear tops that open at the front and get one out, latch her on and off as necessary.

I personally feel that struggling to bare as little as possible makes me very self concious of every millimetre but once it's out it's out.

I tend to just ignore everyone in the vicinity who may approve or disapprove and that solves that problem. There have been very few occasions where individuals have been so leery that I've noticed and I have either glared back at them until they were embarrased enough to look away, or very obviously covered myself and been rude to them.

I have a well established legal right to do these things, but what about mothers I know from groups who use nipple shields or have to express breast milk as their baby won't latch on. How are they every going to feel like they can feed their babies in public if everyone else does learn how to never show any breast while breastfeeding?

Every woman should do what feels comfortable for her and if covering your breast and babys face with a piece of muslin makes you feel safer or more comfortable, great, but it's not for me.

yellowraincoat · 14/06/2012 01:43

What I don't get is the people who say "I don't want to see it."

Simple solution. Don't look.

Mythical · 14/06/2012 06:08

I've recently started experiencing the whole bf in public thing and I know I don't have to cover up but I would rather, for example, wear a cami underneath and just lift my top up as opposed to buttoning down. Because that's how I want to do it
Surely it's up to the individual and however they feel comfortable doing it?

OhNoMyFanjo · 14/06/2012 06:12

Well Ive bf 2 till 8/9 months and never once had a bad cooment or evil look. I dont think most people realise what you are doing anyway.

Jnice · 14/06/2012 06:14

I was at a busy Starbucks in a business district with my baby, got a snack and sat down to feed him in a comfy chair. The young woman in the next chair gave me a filthy look and got up and moved. I was shocked that another woman with breasts was so offended.

Graciescotland · 14/06/2012 06:20

I'm still bf my 21 mo toddler and really don't think anyone cares and I'm not particularly discrete. I did get a well done from a lady across the way at the end of a long haul flight recently where DS had bf for hours though :)

StealthPolarBear · 14/06/2012 06:40

"pantylace Wed 13-Jun-12 20:57:38
I'm not offended by women's breasts. That's not the reason I say mum's should cover up while feeding in public. I think breasts are beautiful things!!! On me and other women!

So do men. And men do see female breasts as sexual things. Which is why they leer!

I'm not sure how you're going to convince men that breasts are no longer sexual but simply functional.
"

Why should we convince anyone? The only person I actually cared about while bf out and about was the baby.

The "it's OK in public if you're discreet" line lets new mums know that they need the permission of everyone around them to do something slightly naughty.

Shagmundfreud · 14/06/2012 06:47

YANBU

"90% of people don't give a shiny shit how or where woman feed their babies as long as they do."

You're wrong. Many people feel that bf is something to be done in private, if at all.

My sister's a children's centre teacher. Recently she was at a meeting where they were talking about making the centre more 'breastfeeding friendly'. Half the staff from the nursery were muttering about how breastfeeding was 'ok' but mothers really ought to be discreet, and telling stories in shocked tones about mothers BREASTFEEDING OPENLY IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN! (how very dare they!).

So no - fuckwittedness about breastfeeding is still rife, even among people who work for services which are supposed to support families.

I often wonder if half the problems that women in the UK experience with bf come from the fact that most have never seen what a baby looks like properly latched on before they've had their own child, because most women who feed in front of other women do everything they can to hide their breast from view.

And it is really noticeable if you've ever lived in a country where bf is completely normal and ubiquitous (I lived in Kenya where this was the case) that nobody stresses out about breast exposure during breastfeeding at all. It's simply not an issue.

"It's just how blatantly some people do it."

I think that if you start from the position that breastfeeding 'should' be discreet, then anyone who is not discreet may appear to be behaving in a 'blatant' way. They're not. They're simply not being discreet.

OhNoMyFanjo · 14/06/2012 06:48

I think that it should be more about showing women how to be discreet rather than telling to too be, by that what I mean is there seems to be lots of comments from women not wanting to bf because they don't feel comfortable doing it. They think they will be getting their boobs out for everyone to see.

Jnice · 14/06/2012 07:20

But if there wasn't this pressure to be discreet then new mums would not feel uncomfortable. Look at Scandinavian countries where there are no hang ups about bodies and you'll see bf is just a fact of life. It really is no big deal.

pantylace · 14/06/2012 08:23

StealthPolarBear

You don't have to convince anyone if you don't feel you need to. But then please do stop going on about people leering at you, as some have done on this thread. Which was the point of my post.

pantylace · 14/06/2012 08:26

If you're comfortable and other people are not, and your attitude is so what, do as you please, I guess.

But do be aware, that some people wont be comfortable with seeing it, so they may pay you more mind than you care for.

StealthPolarBear · 14/06/2012 08:28

Hmmm...can only see one person on this thread who thinks they ahve been leered at while breastfeeding. Still, I agree with that, if there are women out there who compain about it.

OhNoMyFanjo · 14/06/2012 08:31

But the fact is you don't show anything, its a fear that's not founded ime. Changing people's attitudes to their bodies full stop is a very tall area, showing women they have nothing to fear us quite a quick fix

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