AIBU to think that women should not have to be discreet when breastfeeding?

[lalaland3008]

I'm not saying that anyone should purposely flop both boobs out into someones dinner. But it makes me really mad that some people think women should have to be discreet when feeding their baby, sit in a corner or breastfeeding 'booth'.

I also think a breast is just not comparable to a penis to a vagina and if people are offended because they see breasts as purely sexual then that is their own problem.

Noone would object to me sitting in public drinking my coffee or feeding my baby a bottle of cows milk yet people find breastmilk offensive.

I'm not bitty mad I lasted 2 weeks breastfeeding but it still makes my blood boil that it is seen as controversial by many.

AIBU?

maybe I am just very thick skinned :o

I'm wondering how many breast feeding mums have ever made the comment "put it away love" or even thought it when some young perky breast have been out on display for no other reason other than they are attached to a pouting sex kitten?

I'm wondering how many breast feeding mums have ever made the comment "put it away love" or even thought it when some young perky breast have been out on display for no other reason other than they are attached to a pouting sex kitten?

I agree - be careful what one wishes for :o

"Which is why IMO it is better to be discreet, its just basic consideration for others."

Whatmeworry - people are squeamish about breastfeeding because unselfconscious public breastfeeding is culturally quite rare in the UK still. We are a bottlefeeding culture primarily (this is the way most babies past a few weeks old are fed) and most women who breastfeed outside the home make an effort to hide what they are doing from the public.

We are also a fairly homophobic country. Some people feel deeply uncomfortable to see same sex couples holding hands and kissing.

Would you advise same sex couples to refrain from affectionate behaviour in public as it might offend people?

"Religion also tells women to cover up"

But interestingly open, unselfconscious breastfeeding where the whole breast is exposed is a vastly more common sight in developing countries where women are hugely more modest in their dress generally than women are in the uk.

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<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?start=24&num=10&um=1&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=899&tbm=isch&tbnid=xuZEIk5oM9T-eM:&imgrefurl=flickrhivemind.net/Tags/breastfeed/Interesting&docid=dYHe0FyKW2etvM&imgurl=farm3.static.flickr.com/2285/2039668249_670f6878e9.jpg&w=500&h=333&ei=erPZT7O-GoSk8QPMuun3AQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=777&sig=101134124232391808063&page=2&tbnh=169&tbnw=234&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:24,i:5&tx=139&ty=110" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here

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And in Europe in the past
www.google.co.uk/imgres?start=122&um=1&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=899&tbm=isch&tbnid=zClH8CeMNEqZHM:&imgrefurl=beautiful-breastfeeding.blogspot.com/2012/01/early-breastfeeding-art.html&docid=dU5dfF9756WR7M&imgurl=2.bp.blogspot.com/-JLEAb_yJvPI/TxJmfm5Ui6I/AAAAAAAAC34/IbeGyYmPSH4/s1600/61BIG.JPG&w=329&h=470&ei=DrTZT_aCJYTf8QOIuv33AQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=377&vpy=262&dur=267&hovh=247&hovw=171&tx=105&ty=120&sig=101134124232391808063&page=5&tbnh=150&tbnw=96&ndsp=30&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:122,i:110 here]]
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Arrgh!

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?start=122&um=1&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=899&tbm=isch&tbnid=zClH8CeMNEqZHM:&imgrefurl=beautiful-breastfeeding.blogspot.com/2012/01/early-breastfeeding-art.html&docid=dU5dfF9756WR7M&imgurl=2.bp.blogspot.com/-JLEAb_yJvPI/TxJmfm5Ui6I/AAAAAAAAC34/IbeGyYmPSH4/s1600/61BIG.JPG&w=329&h=470&ei=DrTZT_aCJYTf8QOIuv33AQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=377&vpy=262&dur=267&hovh=247&hovw=171&tx=105&ty=120&sig=101134124232391808063&page=5&tbnh=150&tbnw=96&ndsp=30&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:122,i:110" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here

Would you advise same sex couples to refrain from affectionate behaviour in public as it might offend people?

Heck, I'm irritated by heterosexual couples being all over each other in public, and I'd bet the majority of people are. It just a basic consideration thing.

And I'd bet if babies bottles were shaped like cocks or boobs there would be a totally different reaction to ottlefeeding in public :o

My personal favourite:

here

So there clearly was a time when lactating breasts weren't seen as repulsive in Europe.....

You know, Shagmund, I've always been fascinated by those Madonna and child paintings as it seems obvious that the painters have never watched an actual woman actually breastfeeding. In most of them, the baby isn't latched on properly!

And in quite a few, the breast is exposed and the baby isn't feeding. It's almost as if they just fancied showing us a glimpse of naked breast. As if:-)

"Heck, I'm irritated by heterosexual couples being all over each other in public"

No - I'm not talking about overt sexual display in public. I'm talking about normal displays of affection: holding hands, a quick kiss on the lips.

I think you had to come up with something didn't you, as you really haven't got an answer for the point I've raised.

"And I'd bet if babies bottles were shaped like cocks or boobs"

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?start=73&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rlz=1C1ARAB_enGB443GB443&biw=1280&bih=899&tbm=isch&tbnid=t4jcWuJYKNWgXM:&imgrefurl=www.diaperswappers.com/forum/showthread.php%3Ft%3D376864&docid=xxyn1KGpLkPuIM&imgurl=i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd126/Yusani/BreastBottle1.jpg&w=1010&h=758&ei=TrXZT-nVJcil8QOS9qX4AQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=788&vpy=196&dur=348&hovh=161&hovw=245&tx=178&ty=89&sig=101134124232391808063&page=4&tbnh=145&tbnw=239&ndsp=29&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:73,i:14" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here

I've seen people using these. Not noticed that they were getting dirty looks.

But of course any image that suggests a baby sucking on a cock is going to arouse disgust. But what the bugger has that got to do with breastfeeding?

hackmum - those pictures aren't meant to be realistic. The breastfeeding is symbolic of mothering.

But of course any image that suggests a baby sucking on a cock is going to arouse disgust. hmm But what the bugger has that got to do with breastfeeding?

I ws using it to illustrate just how obtuse your attempt to link BF to homosexuals snogging in public was. That you didn't get teh point doesn't surprise me though

So there clearly was a time when lactating breasts weren't seen as repulsive in Europe.....

OFGS that was all about showing perky tits, not promoting medieval BF.

Whatme, you are being very patronising, assuming that anyone disagreeing with you just doesn't understand you. This is a debate btw.

Shagmund: "those pictures aren't meant to be realistic."

But how do you know?

Whatme, you are being very patronising, assuming that anyone disagreeing with you just doesn't understand you

Meh, I think you understand me perfectly. Btw calling smeone patronising is not a valid argument either.

Im not trying to make a valid argument I'm trying to tell you you're being patronising

Which you well knew

"how obtuse your attempt to link BF to homosexuals snogging in public was"

It's not in the slightest bit obtuse.

Your argument was that if witnessing an act makes people feel uncomfortable, then it's fair to expect that they should be shielded from having to see it.

This is also applies to those who feel uncomfortable witnessing displays of affection between same sex couples.

Breastfeeding is not intrinsically indecent or private. Unlike both sex and going to the toilet, which are considered private acts in ALL cultures. Breastfeeding is only something which is seen as something which should be kept private in cultures which fetishize breasts and in cultures where ubiquitous bottle feeding has made public breastfeeding a rarity.

"those pictures aren't meant to be realistic."

Religious art at that time generally wasn't 'realistic'. Later pictures which portray breastfeeding mothers are vastly more realistic.

Have to say though, NONE of the pictures show women with anything other than delightfully perky breasts, which just goes to show that even in the days before photo-shop, people enjoyed enhancing reality in art!

"OFGS that was all about showing perky tits, not promoting medieval BF."

Yes - perky tits do tend to cheer people up and so have always been a subject for art. But the point being that these pictures were considered suitable subjects for public display in churches and respectable home, and that the inclusion of breastfeeding wasn't JUST about showing tits, it was also to symbolise mothering and motherhood.

Unlike pictures like this <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rlz=1C1ARAB_enGB443GB443&biw=1280&bih=899&tbm=isch&tbnid=G1qku0GioUReBM:&imgrefurl=www.celebrityonlines.com/post/Page3ModelClaireTullyPictureGalleryPhotos.html&docid=iykHilNVLzLxxM&imgurl=www.celebrityonlines.com/upload/claire-tully-1.jpg&w=495&h=700&ei=bMDZT9DEJYyU0QWlxq2ZBA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=1050&vpy=312&dur=1614&hovh=267&hovw=189&tx=145&ty=153&sig=116389307987245435093&page=1&tbnh=168&tbnw=115&start=0&ndsp=22&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:0,i:106" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">yikes!

In regard to bfing - it's about the child and only about the child.

a baby does not know that her mother's breasts are also used to turn her daddy on.
all she knows is that is where the food comes from.
and that she's hungry NOW!!!

DD is 6 months old now.
to her, there is no difference in feeding from my breasts than 6 months ago - apart from the fact that she's more efficient at extracting, that she is learning methods to make more milk come out.

oh, and that she's getting more curious about the rest of the world.

So, I'm sitting in my shop, happily reading this thread and BFing DD. Then I start to type my reply.
"ooh," DD thinks, "what's that noise?" and pulls herself off my breast to have a good look at where the tapping is coming from.

So there am I, in the shop, with one boob hanging out.

It was equally so when I was latching her on - babies have a habit of being very vocal about the fact that they're soooo obviously starving!!, so that when I try to latch her on, she is drawing attention to the fact that I'm pulling up my top and unhooking my bra. Even if i try to do that discreetly, her moaning has got people's attention, and my hand is up my top.

The feeding itself is discreet, by virtue of the fact that the niple is in her mouth.
the before and after, can't be, with DD, so IO have to tell myself not to worry.

I BF about 4 times every day in my shop. i have never had a negative comment (but some people stand behind my till, so that they feel they are showing me some respect by not staring at me).
It's not about discretion, it's about feeding this BABY who knows no different.

ps: children do not think breasts are sexual organs. they think they're for feeding babies.

"Unlike both sex and going to the toilet, which are considered private acts in ALL cultures."

Hmm - there are still some countries where people shit at the side of the road, though mostly because of a lack of sanitation.

Most things that we regard as universal taboos turn out to be not universal, but perhaps that's an argument for another time.

nickel: "
So, I'm sitting in my shop, happily reading this thread and BFing DD. Then I start to type my reply.
"ooh," DD thinks, "what's that noise?" and pulls herself off my breast to have a good look at where the tapping is coming from."

yes, that used to happen to me too!

Fuck me, someone ACTUALLY defended comparing breastfeeding to pissing and shitting. I always thought that was a joke the noone really believed.

Mainly - are you implying that I defended comparing breastfeeding to pissing and shitting? (Because I didn't.) Or are you referring to someone else's comment?

I mean, seriously! People actually think of breastfeeding as the same as pissing and shitting. My eyes have been opened.

The milk is going directly into the baby's mouth. It's not lying around on the street afterwards like piss does if you go in the street.

Beyond that, piss and shit are unsanitary and smell horrible. Unlike milk.

Jeez, just look away if you don't want to see.

What do you do if you see Page 3? Run away screaming?

I'm with nickel, no matter what you do, if baby decides to have a nosy at something, then your nipple will be briefly displayed to all and sundry. That's babies for you.

And stealth that's a great idea about the blankets, though I've yet to meet any of these leerers or pearl clutchers that apparently abound. Either I live in a town of very uninterested people, or I'm extremely unobservant!

I'm not sure if there's even an arguement to be had here, I've never ever seen a woman breastfeeding in a very exposed manner in public. I live in an area where breastfeeding is somewhat more common too.