AIBU to wonder why women move to the passenger seat.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Twice recently I have seen women, presumably picking up their OH from work, get out of the driver's side door, walk around the vehicle and get in the passenger side. The man then gets in the driver's side and drives away. If I had seen men swapping to the passenger side as well it wouldn't make me wonder. I would assume that whomever likes to drive takes over. I can't think of a single time I have seen a man do this.

In our house, I am the main driver because I love driving and DH isn't fussed. I'm not so bothered about it that I would swap over if he was picking me up from somewhere though. Why bother messing with the mirrors and seat? It irks me because it smacks of the man taking the helm from the little woman now he is on deck IYSWIM.

Yes, I know this is a first world problem and it is none of my business.

well, its easy for me, becuase Dh is a really poor passenger and worries about every car on the road really loudly and it puts me off. if he carries on shouting out like that then I will have an accident because he has alerted me to something that isn't an issue and made me miss something that is. this is a fact. it followed a near miss when he screamed out about a car in a merging lane ( that was not merging into our lane, but a parallel lane and therefore no danger) i missed the braking of the bus in front of us and nearly rammed it.

I have the best car. its top of the range (even though its 6 years old). His car is officially one screw away from the scrapyard! Its horrible to drive and it makes my knees ache. I refuse to drive his car.

So when we meet up i let him drive my car, its a treat for him! I REFUSE to drive when he is in the car but it does have its advantages . For instance I always drink and he always drives (on the rare occasion that we go out). I also refuse to drive his car

So he's a dick and you let him get away with it.

I think we divide driving 60(him)/40(me), but in our case I am the terrible backseat driver! But that being said I prefer to be in the passenger seat when driving with our children as I prefer to be the one to turn around to chat to them or give DD a drink or whatever. DH also has a better sense of direction than me.

We do this.

DH isn't a dick though, I'm lazy.

Sometimes my DP drives, sometimes I do. I do the driving on nights out because I don't drink. I don't see men driving as "man taking charge". My first husband didn't drive at all. My DP's mate has never got his license and he's in his 50s, his partner does all the driving.

I do think sometimes people go a little overboard when it comes to what men and women do. And quiet truthfully, I'm so over it.

I swapped yesterday because I'm 35 weeks pregnant and the carpal tunnel drives me nuts when I drive.

Normally I do most of the driving, and if DH is picking me up from somewhere, he'd often move to the passenger side and have me drive. I'm the more experienced driver (acknowledged by both of us). He finds it stressful and if he does it too long his back hurts a lot (4 spinal surgeries, so very legit excuse).

Just to get his confidence up and make sure he can still do it, I will force him to drive when he really would rather I did. I wouldn't want him being dependent on me for driving any more than I'd like it the other way around.

I think LeftWingHarpie summed up how women let this stuff happen very well and yet still lets her DH do it.

I concur, HeartsTrumpDiamonds and I suggest seeker gets to referee because she is writing what I am thinking.

Although I don't mind driving I do normally let DH drive. He enjoys it a lot more than I do, he likes to drive and I am happy to sit and relax in the passenger seat. Dh would never ask me to move and I don't do it because I am female; just because given a choice I prefer to sit and listen tot he radio and the world outside than be in the driving seat; DH is the opposite.

Driving bores pants of me so always shove job into dh. That's not cos I is female it's cos I am lazy and I can.

Who cares who drives anyway??

Although Mateymoo I wouldn't stand that shouty crap from any passenger when I drive that's just annoying and very dangerous.

I'm single. I have always been single and although I have been in long term stable relationships I have never lived with a man for more than 5 weeks at one time. So it has never occurred to me that driving was anything to like or dislike or be nervous of - just a means of getting around. As a result I have 27 years of successful accident-free driving under my belt without a voice whispering in my ear implying I am somehow not quite up to par.

Anyone who wants to disagree with that is perfectly entitled to walk.

However I also know how this total domination makes me feel... slightly superior as a driver and very nervous when out of control (ie when anyone else is driving). I keep this in check by reminding myself that just because I beleive this to be true doesn't actually make it true. If a few more men were prepared to take this attitude I suspect that over time it would be mysteriously discovered that not as many women prefer to sit passively in the passenger seat and more prefer to share the driving equally and reinforce the view of being an equal partner.

Though I am slightly baffled that you can't sit in the drivers seat and listen to the radio . Or why an acceptable reaction to someone (of either gender) behaving like an arse (shouting about non-existent hazards) results in that person being pandered to. Surely if they are so concerned about the dangers of driving then they should be walking?

Of course you could equally say that my insistence on "shut up or walk" is the reason why I'm not married

and I am influenced by the Dad walking out on my mum after 35 years of marriage. It wasn't pleasant watching her learn how to navigate using a map (hurrah for sat navs now) and how to fill the car with petrol and rebuilding her driving confidence on top of the trauma of a long marriage collapsing.

And she knew damn well that is was partly her fault for allowing him to take over in that way because it was "easier"

My DH used to do the 'helpful' comments and intakes of breath... Used to. After being married a few years I'd had enough and started to do it back to him, because the world's worst passenger, kept criticising, commenting, gripping the edge of the seat, loud intakes of breath.....

When he got stroppy with me I told him I'd stop when he bloody well did. Worked!!!

He still drives more than me, but then his car is more comfortable for longer journeys, and I hate driving it.

MrsTP I let my DH drive for the exact same reasons as everyone else - (A) because driving is genuinely a more pleasurable experience for him than it is for me (because the gender-specific driving myths we have internalised make him think he's the king of the road and leave me convinced I have poor spatial awareness and lack the innate ability to be a good driver) and (B) because he is genuinely much better at it (because he has rock solid confidence and bags of experience and I have self doubt and performance anxiety and hardly ever drive).

The point I'm making is that it isn't a series of power struggles between individual pairs of men and women, it's not just a matter of asserting our right to drive the family car. I actually think its a great shame that insurance companies are no longer able to recognise the relative risk of insuring male drivers as compared to female drivers, as I often looked to the accident statistics when I was trying to see beyond the myth.

It's such a shame, though. And it starts early. My DD at 18 months old, loves cars. Every one she passes, it is "car, car" and pats it and tries the doors but we don't talk about that. Does she own any cars? Only the ones I have bought her. She has bloody loads of smelly baby dolls though. Because she is a girl and girls must like babies and not cars, right?

So many threads appear on here with women attached to abusive, controlling men and they can't access a community and employment partly because they can't drive.

And women are in such denial about it!

To go against the trend, DH will often pick me up from work (he's a SAHD so has the car all day) and switch to the passenger seat so I can drive. He's driving about all day and like to have a rest

I would LOVE to give girls cars as presents, but am nervous of the reactions I'd get from their mums. I always try to keep presents fairly gender neutral for girls unless I know what they like. (Girls lego, anyone?! )

.......and I've never questioned my ability to drive or lacked confidence because I'm a woman, never occured to me that a man would be a more 'nature' driver.

ChitChat you can come to DD's birthday any time. She would love cars and proper not pink Lego.

PogoBob and the others who buck the trend, glad to hear there are exceptions.

I think it may be a version of the cooking issue. Most of the boring cooking done in the world to feed people, done by women. Then poncey chef men turn up and act like they are the only ones who can cook. Lots of boring supermarket and school run driving done by women but some men still act like they are much better at it.

My DH always questions why I wont drive ( even when it's my car we're in ! ) and I always leave it to him or swap with him as per OPs situations.

I am a good confident driver but drive like a five year old when he is in the passenger seat. He basically goes into driving instructor mode - e.g. 'What you indicating for? - theres no-one behind us !'

I used to argue back with him - as in - 'well does it matter - l'm manouvering right so l just automatically indicated without thinking really' - and 'it's better than not indicating when you should so why does it bother you?' To which he would say something smug like 'Well it just shows your not paying attention'.

He is lovely in every other situation but there is something about him sitting in a passenger seat with me driving that brings out the Neanderthal in him l'm afraid - so that's why l swap. It's either that or dump him at the next bus stop we pass

I'm interested to learn that a lot of people credit driving to their partner as work equivalent to ironing or washing up.

Driving is only considered work in our house if it is driving as the designated driver!

I would move because I am always tired lazy and would take the opportunity for a nap if ANYONE else was driving :)