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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why women move to the passenger seat.

226 replies

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 15:24

Twice recently I have seen women, presumably picking up their OH from work, get out of the driver's side door, walk around the vehicle and get in the passenger side. The man then gets in the driver's side and drives away. If I had seen men swapping to the passenger side as well it wouldn't make me wonder. I would assume that whomever likes to drive takes over. I can't think of a single time I have seen a man do this.

In our house, I am the main driver because I love driving and DH isn't fussed. I'm not so bothered about it that I would swap over if he was picking me up from somewhere though. Why bother messing with the mirrors and seat? It irks me because it smacks of the man taking the helm from the little woman now he is on deck IYSWIM.

Yes, I know this is a first world problem and it is none of my business.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 23:37

"because it smacks of the man taking the helm from the little woman now he is on deck IYSWIM."

What's wrong with that? Where do I start? I hope you are joking because if not you are proving my point rather well. Lots of women on this thread are saying that it is my prejudice assuming that men are taking over from the little woman. You don't see anything wrong with that Hmm

Don't know what IYSWIM means though. If you see what I mean. It is in acronyms if you would like to check the rest of them out.

"This is a first world problem..." Meaning that I know it is not a 'real' problem. I know where my next meal is coming from, no one is hurt or dying.

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 13/06/2012 23:41

Sometimes I do this, sometimes I don't.

My DH, will always go the passenger side of the car first if he knows I'm picking him up and only take the drivers seat if I choose to move.

I have never given this any thought.

And won't forthwith either...

Grin
Original poster
MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 23:44

I bet you do... Grin

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 13/06/2012 23:45

I move over because his back seat driving drives me up the wall

Busyoldfool · 13/06/2012 23:46

My DH also backseat driver; sharp intakes of breath, hanging on to dashboard when I brake, "helpful" comments as to the whereabouts of vans, cars pedestrians - all made worse because my car is a left-hand drive so the passenger seat is in the driver's position. We solve it by rarely driving together but if we have to we go in his car and he drives. AND I hate driving and do as little as possible

nightowlmostly · 13/06/2012 23:54

It's funny, I came across this when I was just finished an outing with DH in which I did drive for once! Usually I just let him drive, as although we have both only been driving a few years, he has been driving a bit longer so I feel he is always judging my driving. It feels easier just to let him drive!

But today I thought sod it, I like driving, feel I'm good at it, and shouldn't give way to him all the time. To be fair to him, he says he's not judgy, and I'm just thinking he is. I do get nervous when I drive when he's there just because I'm not used to it, so today I thought I should just do it and stop letting him drive everywhere!

To be honest, it is probably a lot to do with me, as I get nervous when he's there and drive worse, so he judges me and it puts me off. The answer is to do it more though, or it'll get worse.

Busyoldfool · 14/06/2012 00:03

BTW don't assume that choosing not to drive on occasion neccessarily means you are a "little woman". I do most of the driving as I drive to work and I drive the DCs. DP uses public transport. And Backseat driving is not such a big deal - it makes me and the DCs laugh.

AdoraBell · 14/06/2012 01:05

My MIL will not drive with FIL in the car because he's a control freak whether he's in the car or not.

Because I'm bolshi the first time I drove with OH as a passenger, late learner, I told him he could either shut up and let me drive or get out and walk. I do take advantage of him assuming he'll be driving if I CBA or fancy a drink.

Step-son is not the best of passengers, but he knows this and really tries to relax while telling me I'm a good driver, bless him.

Jenstar21 · 14/06/2012 03:15

I'm a way better driver than my DP, so I do the majority of the driving! Ha ha! :) But seriously, he learned in a country where the majority of cars are automatics, and only passed his test in a manual about 4 years ago, and he's still not the most comfortable with the 'stick shift', and his own car is an automatic. As my car is bigger, if we go out as a family, we tend to take it, and I tend to automatically get in and drive. He can drive us whenever he likes, but he generally prefers not to have to drive my car.

My father is one of those terrible passive agressive passengers with everyone except me. When I was in my early 20s, he did it whilst I was driving. I pulled over, and said to him to either stop it, or get out and walk. He's never done it since. :)

SoupDragon · 14/06/2012 06:57

What I find interesting is that the Judgey Pants people simply dismiss everyone's personal reasons for doing it, saying that they are irrelevant. I did all the DIY around the house, hardly "Little Woman". I hate driving, XH was a shite passenger so I handed over that job any damn time I possibly could.

DairyNips · 14/06/2012 07:05

I do this for several reasons. Sometimes it's the other way round though so its not always dh who takes over.
First reason is I find driving a chore, he loves driving so will drive at any opportunity. I like him to take over when I pick him up as I can just sit and relax then. Secondly I am of and have sciatica in my hip which is aggravated by driving so often he takes over due to that.
If I take over its usually because he's tired, has a headache or has done a lot of driving that day at work (part of his job is deliveries).

I wouldn't say it's anything to do with him being a man and me being a woman. I have been driving since I was 17 and actually partially taught dh to drive about 5 years ago. He hair prefers it and we share the load.

CheshireDing · 14/06/2012 07:53

YANBU.

I remember a conversation with my friend where she was outraged that her DP's Dad automatically went to the passenger side of her car (if he DP was driving) rather than the back. It got to the comedy point where she would have to speed up to get to the passenger seat so he HAD to stand at the back door. We concluded he was stuck in so some of time warp!

DH and I drive equally but I am the better driver Grin

Leftwingharpie · 14/06/2012 08:16

DH insists on driving all the time, which undermines my confidence and deprives me of the opportunity to practice, so it's a vicious circle. I've even had to take refresher driving lessons. We did a 2,000 mile driving holiday in the US and rented this epic Chrysler and I never so much as sat in the drivers seat. I kept offering to take over to give DH a break, but he always said he was fine and would prefer to keep going. I hate admitting to things like this, but I guess it's pretty common for the bloke to "like driving more" or be "better at it". Hmm

SoupDragon · 14/06/2012 08:16

Surely the shortest person generally gets in the back.

CaptainKirk · 14/06/2012 08:43

If we take my wife's car she drives and if we take mine I drive. The only time we may switch up is on a long trip of if she wants to have a drink.

seeker · 14/06/2012 08:50

Isn't it funny how the person who "loves driving" or is "more experienced" (of course they are if they always do the driving!) or is a "better driver" is almost always the man.

Hmm
SoupDragon · 14/06/2012 08:56

Generalisation? Much?

seeker · 14/06/2012 08:59

Do a quick count of the responses on this thread. They most certainly add up to "almost always" the man.

QuintessentialShadows · 14/06/2012 09:02

I like to sit in the passenger seat and admire the view. I love looking at houses, neighbourhoods, fields, cows and sheet, hills, trees and flowers. I find that these days the only times I get to relax is when I am a passenger in a car.....

Sad
TroublesomeEx · 14/06/2012 09:06

I've never seen that.

But I prefer doing distance, motorway and suburban driving. I will not, under any circumstances drive through our city centre - I've driving through/around others but really don't like ours so you would see my husband and I swapping over for that.

We've also swapped over half way through journeys if I've developed a headache/felt unwell/got bored of driving/designated swapping time.

In fact my husband really on drives if he is going out/taking the children out on his own. If we go as a family I drive.

melika · 14/06/2012 09:07

I give up the seat if he is in a hurry as I take it steady. I can't say we get there any quicker. Oh and I always get the driving seat if we go anywhere like family dos and meals out. That's fair isn't it?!?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 14/06/2012 09:19

If I'm picking him up from the station then we'll be in my car and no way am I letting him drive so he can mess with my seat and mirror positions!

If we go out as a family then he drives because he has the bigger and better car and there's no way he would let me mess with his seat/mirror positions...

If it's a long journey then we'll flip for who goes first then swap half way.

seeker · 14/06/2012 09:30

Maybe having a penis makes men better drivers? They can use it to steady the steering wheel while they change gear- they never have to drive one handed.......Grin

DairyNips · 14/06/2012 09:49

See I don't have the mirror and seat problem. He's not much taller than me so I hardly ever have to adjust when swapping over.

imnotmymum · 14/06/2012 09:52

My DH swaps if he picks me up from somewhere. I do most of the driving when we go out together anyhow except in small car parks where I go "I cannot fit n there!!" promptly getting out of car and leaving him to it !