AIBU to wonder why women move to the passenger seat.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Twice recently I have seen women, presumably picking up their OH from work, get out of the driver's side door, walk around the vehicle and get in the passenger side. The man then gets in the driver's side and drives away. If I had seen men swapping to the passenger side as well it wouldn't make me wonder. I would assume that whomever likes to drive takes over. I can't think of a single time I have seen a man do this.

In our house, I am the main driver because I love driving and DH isn't fussed. I'm not so bothered about it that I would swap over if he was picking me up from somewhere though. Why bother messing with the mirrors and seat? It irks me because it smacks of the man taking the helm from the little woman now he is on deck IYSWIM.

Yes, I know this is a first world problem and it is none of my business.

Sorry, but DH has always been the better/keener driver, even as learners, he passed in 1/5 of the time it took me, and I never bought myself a car (using public transport/taxis when I lived alone). So its not surprising that he's the default driver now.

Seeker: DH doesn't "love driving", he just doesn't mind it. And he is not "more experienced", we are about the same on this front. He is a slightly "better driver" though but not by much, I am a perfectly competent driver.
I quite simply don't like driving, so why should I do it if somebody else can and don't mind doing it? Just so random people don't think I am a sad and pathetic little excuse of a woman? I don't think so!!

I swap because my DH is a terrible backseat driver.

I can't stand all the sharp intakes of breath, stamping on imaginary brakes and muttering, even if I am the one with the substantial no claims bonus and clean driving licence!

I never swapped with ex when picking him up, but he would do the driving in most trips, because he liked driving.
and because I was the best navigator, before sat navs
and although I am the best driver by far

It never occurred to me to swap.
Oh, I might have once or twice when I had back pain, possibly.

If we are in a hurry, and driving in town, I drive. DH, though he's stayed here for 20 years, just doesn't know the shortcuts like I do.

Long distances and all other driving, apart from when he wants a drink, he does.

"I swap because my DH is a terrible backseat driver.

I can't stand all the sharp intakes of breath, stamping on imaginary brakes and muttering, even if I am the one with the substantial no claims bonus and clean driving licence!"

So tell him not to be a dick!

Meant also to say my DH is a good driver. It was something that attracted me to him (as well as everything else). My ex drove like he was trying to compensate for lacking in other areas an arse.

This used to happen with me and dh. He is a nervous back seat passenger and after stopping on the hard shoulder and telling him to walk as well as being stopped by the police because his constant praying was making me drive erratically I just gave in to his twatish behaviour and let him drive.

A lot of men (including dh) are complete arseholes when it comes to women drivers. Mil doesn't like my driving either and she has also been given the choice of being dropped off on the hard shoulder.

I do this if I can get away with it because my husband is a horrible passenger. He swivels his head around like a manic driving instructor when I do any kind of manuover, or turn out of a junction. He has also been known to openly criticise my driving. I have pulled over several times and told him to get the fuck out of my car.

Basically to avoid that situation, he almost always drives.

I hate driving with my H in the car, hate it and would always rather he drove although I'm happy to drive anyone else :)

Why do you all give in to these men!!!!!! It's just bizarre!

I do this sometimes because I want to relax and not have to worry about driving. We split the driving fairly equally - he tends to do the longer drives because he's more used to it. He also tends to drive if we go out because he can have a glass of wine and still drive home, whereas I doubt my capabilities after any amount of drink and can finish the rest of the bottle. Otherwise it's just whoever has a preference can drive or be passenger.

My dad has never let my mum do any driving and it's sad to see him getting over-tired because he's too chauvenistic to let her do the long drives. She is a crap driver though.

So we've had a couple of people saying that their dads are sexist for not letting their mums drive- but it's OK for their own partners to psyche them into the passenger seat!

Why do you all give in to these men!!!!!! It's just bizarre!

Because I'm not bothered enough about driving to have a discussion about it.

It's not a "woman driver" thing, it's a control thing. He was nearly killed in a car crash years ago, and has always been uncomfortable about other people driving

And I never have to be the designated driver on a night out

My DH does the looking around when I'm parking and stuff too, it's really annoying! I pointed it out to him once, he said he was just looking, but I never do that to him! Unless it's a tight squeeze or something. I'll notice him looking in the wing mirror, and always feel like he's judging me in some way, but he claims he's not.

We discussed this yesterday actually, and decided that I would always drive my car. Sounds so obvious!

So we've had a couple of people saying that their dads are sexist for not letting their mums drive- but it's OK for their own partners to psyche them into the passenger seat!

My OH isn't "psyching me into the passenger seat" unless he's hypnotising me into thinking I'm tired before I get to his place of work which is quite a feat! :) If I'm tired after a hard day at work, I don't want to do the driving. When we're having a day out and there's a lovely drive through the country with long sweeping bends, if I want to do the driving I do, if I want to look at the countryside I do. There may be some good-natured joking at times like that but that's because it's probably the only time we both want to drive at the same time. It's about give and take, not about any ingrained sexist "I'm a better driver because I'm a man" nonsense.

I certainly don't feel judged if he checks the mirrors for me, I think he's helping me do something better/more safely, and vice versa. He doesn't feel judged if I use my better eyesight to look ahead on the motorway to keep an eye out for potential problems. Maybe I'm lucky but for us, driving is a partnership where we work together and if he's knackered I drive, if I'm knackered he drives.

My dad is sexist and thinks he is a better driver because he's a man whereas the truth is he is a better driver because he has more experience due to not letting my mum drive.

The men are probably terrible backseat drivers
This

I can't stand all the sharp intakes of breath, stamping on imaginary brakes and muttering
And this

Why do you all give in to these men!!!!!! It's just bizarre!
Because I am perfectly happy to be chauffered around, I don't love driving, it's just a useful skill that makes my life easier to be able to do.

I do do my fair share of motorway driving, dh and I usually take turns/switch on a long journey. For some reason, he doesn't seem to notice criticize my bad driving quite so much when it's at high speeds

Glad to hear it , worldgonecrazy- but if you read the thread, you'll see you're in a minority!

seeker thanks - your comment appeared just after my post so I thought it was about that post in particular.

You are right, there does seem to be a lot of silliness by some of the menfolk.

MrsT

I must insist that the competition also include left- and right-hand-drive cars, standard and automatic transmission.

We need to recruit a jury.

As a result of her husband's constant criticism SIL is a very unconfident driver. She is the only driver now because her OH is an alcoholic and doesn't have a driving licence any more. Her world has got smaller because there are so many places she won't drive to - she lives in a very rural part of the country with poor public transport links. I think it is so important for women to continue to drive in spite of their partners' back seat driving because they will never gain the self confidence they need to tell them to stuff it.

OH always made me drive even when I was still a novice driver. I am now a confident driver and will drive anywhere (except in Spain).

So many cases of women "managing" and taking responsibility for men's behaviour.

A man behaves unacceptably so a woman adapts her own behaviour to moderate it.

Somehow men start out with unshakable confidence, which even stuff like writing off their Dad's car, or their own car, or run ins with the Police, or other bumps, or even driving bans, doesn't seem to shake. Women on the other hand have already internalised a lot of negative messages about women's ability to drive before we first take the wheel, and even if we have an unblemished driving record and drive very competently, our confidence is gradually eroded by any negative response we encounter - and our DHs know we would rather defer to them than have our anxieties reinforced by a lot of huffing and puffing from the passenger seat. I genuinely dislike driving and am happy to let DH take over but I suspect all things being equal, we wouldn't have got to that point.

As I said. The men behave like dicks and the women collude.