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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why women move to the passenger seat.

226 replies

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 15:24

Twice recently I have seen women, presumably picking up their OH from work, get out of the driver's side door, walk around the vehicle and get in the passenger side. The man then gets in the driver's side and drives away. If I had seen men swapping to the passenger side as well it wouldn't make me wonder. I would assume that whomever likes to drive takes over. I can't think of a single time I have seen a man do this.

In our house, I am the main driver because I love driving and DH isn't fussed. I'm not so bothered about it that I would swap over if he was picking me up from somewhere though. Why bother messing with the mirrors and seat? It irks me because it smacks of the man taking the helm from the little woman now he is on deck IYSWIM.

Yes, I know this is a first world problem and it is none of my business.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 13/06/2012 17:18

In my case it would have been because XH was a shite, critical passenger.

nowwearefour · 13/06/2012 17:20

this has been bothering me too recently (except the other way aroubnd in the ams at the station the men get out having driven and the women drive home again). it REALLY strikes me as ridiculous. mostly it is the generation above me and so it is what they are used to, but it makes me cross!

catus · 13/06/2012 17:30

MrsTerry: although I very rarely pick DH up from anywhere, if it happened, I think I would stay in the driver's seat for a journey of up to 10 minutes. Above that, I would probably move to passager's seat and ask him to drive.
nowwearefour: I'm sorry to be a cause of anger for you, and I don't know if I am the generation above you, but I'm only in my thirties, so not old!

Bunbaker · 13/06/2012 17:34

"Does anyone ever see a man swap though? I never have."

OH loathes driving and will do anything to not drive. As a result I probably do most of the driving. The only time he pulls his weight is when we go on holiday and we always split the long distance drive between us. I feel sorry for people whose partners don't drive and they have a long drive from, say, Yorkshire to Cornwall without a break.

Original poster

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 17:36

I always wonder about how this sort of thing moves generationally. My DM did most of the driving because we would all be dead now if DF got to do it. She is a good driver and my DF isn't. So, I always assumed that this was normal. We had a really horrible driveway when I was learning so I can reverse like a rally driver. That also means I can park because I know what mirrors are for. When I was a young driver, though, BFs used to ask if I wanted them to park for me, . I was frequently told that women can't drive well and made it my life's work to parallel park like a champ in front of as many men as I could. If I hadn't had the practise, I wouldn't be able to park and reverse, though.

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 13/06/2012 17:41

I agree Mrs TP. I don't worry about taking more than one go to parallel park and have often seen the surprise on a man's face after seeing me get it in one and then find it is a woman

It has taken years and years of practice though.

Fireandashes · 13/06/2012 17:46

My husband swaps. :) On the rare occasions he has the car and picks me up from work, he then gets into the passenger seat and I drive home. I do all of the driving (by choice) unless I've been out for a drink and he picks me up after the night out, which happens very rarely. He's happy as he is on medication and while he isn't prohibited from driving, he prefers not to drive any great distance. Also it's technically my car, my insurance policy etc.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/06/2012 17:46

I do less of the driving when we are both in the car.

The reason being that DH is a foot taller than me, and he finds the passenger footwell cramped for more than a short journey.

We've just been on holiday and he did probably 70% of the driving. I am a better navigator than him, much much better. When I was driving, I was also having to navigate.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/06/2012 17:48

That is very true about practise.

When I had my first car, where I lived it was all parking along residential roads and it was a question of squeezing into improbable spaces. To begin with I hated it, but I got really good and now I can park really well.

Bunbaker · 13/06/2012 17:49

Surely there is as much room in the passenger footwell as on the driver's side? What car is it? When we go on holiday I always drive the first part of the journey as I can navigate more easily than OH (he has to change glasses to read and for long distance), although we usually use the satnav these days.

Original poster

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 17:50

Is the passenger foot-well smaller? I would have thought there was more space without all the pedals in the way.

Glad to hear there are some swappers the other way. As I say, I wouldn't have been so about it if I regularly saw women taking over the driving. I have also seen the women in the back-seat thing a few times and that really pisses me off.

OP posts:

ToryLovell · 13/06/2012 17:54

DH gets car sick if he is a passenger so I'm more than happy to get in the passenger seat.

My lovely Dad having been the sole driver for years, as Mum refused to learn, always jumps straight in the passenger seat when dsis or I get in the car as he likes being driven.

Fireandashes · 13/06/2012 17:56

I would have thought there was more room on the passenger side - no pedals, no underside of steering column and you can push the seat right back without having to factor in reaching the pedals.

Bunbaker · 13/06/2012 17:58

"and he finds the passenger footwell cramped for more than a short journey."

Maybe he is just using it as an excuse. When OH drives he has the seat pushed back as far as it will go, so anyone sitting behind him has to sit with their knees under their chin.

ToxicMoxie · 13/06/2012 17:58

MrsTP, I see both. When I drop my DH off at work, it seems like every single car has this switcheroo going on, male or female, it seems that except for my DH, hospital workers like to drive!

I am the main driver in my family because I am a bossy cow and a terrible passenger like to drive. even on our epic two day marathon drives I'll the all but maybe 200 miles of it. DH hates driving, so it works wonderfully.

ToxicMoxie · 13/06/2012 17:59

That should be "I'll drive all but maybe 200 miles"

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 13/06/2012 18:01

I guess they do it because they prefer not to drive when there is someone else there to do it for them, just like your DH.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/06/2012 18:04

made it my life's work to parallel park like a champ in front of as many men as I could

Me too!

I am a MUCH better driver than DH and the undisputed champion of parallel parking.

ivykaty44 · 13/06/2012 18:04

I drive a lot but I rarely drive my father - he has been known to ask anyone driving to stop the car and then throw up, it is . So it is easier if he drives as it avoids him being car sick.

CelticRepublican · 13/06/2012 18:06

DH is a happier (not better) driver.

I am a happier and better passenger.

Works for us unless he's had a beer.

LynetteScavo · 13/06/2012 18:08

DH hates my driving. And he is a control freak in the car (this includes the radio, windows and air conditioning.) I never drive when we do long journeys. (Which actually suits me perfectly well)

When I'm driving he seems to sit in some sort of braced to crash position.

If I were picking him up in his car, I would definitely move over to let him drive. If I were picking him up in my car, I might not...sometimes we both like to live on the edge.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/06/2012 18:08

No it isn't an excuse, it is because the stuff we need in the car for the DSs is normally in a bag in the footwell too.

He isn't insisting on driving more than I do, I'm quite happy to have a snooze or play games on my phone in peace and quiet!

I get annoyed with women who say things like 'oh I can't drive there I don't know the way', or 'I won't drive in the dark' or other daft simpering-type comments.

Original poster

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2012 18:09

I guess they do it because they prefer not to drive when there is someone else there to do it for them, just like your DH. Yes, but I don't swap if he comes to pick me up. It just seems so pointed and like the 'normal' driver in the family can't stand to be driven for even 5 minutes by the 'normal' passenger. I live in a relatively compact place (on an island) so the chances that these people are driving for 2 hours after picking up their OH is really slim.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds only if we can do a combo of LHD and RHD and both sides of the road because that gives me an unfair advantage since I drive on both sides of the road regularly.

OP posts:

MrsRhettButler · 13/06/2012 18:11

Whoever's car it is is usually who drives.

SoupDragon · 13/06/2012 18:11

I do wonder why something that has no bearing on you at all and where you have no idea of the ins and outs of the situation could possibly make you cross.

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