To not want my dp to go on holiday with another woman?

[SleepyDopeyGrumpy]

His best friend who he has been intimate with in the past and who he spends a lot of time with.

AIBU?

SDG, you must think deep down that you deserve shit relationships or you get off on being treated badly by men. I can't think of any other 'reason' than consciously choosing such a woeful excuse for a 'partner'

Aren't you stronger than this? Want more for yourself?

Hey dittany! (you've been probably back for ages but nice to 'see' you)

What most of the above have said with bells on-run for the hills & don't look back, he is a grade A twat

Sounds like he is more of a new boyfriend who is not yet exclusive with you Which after only a couple of months it's not uncommon for a man to think that way.

Sounds like it could be more hard work than it's worth. Maybe you'd be better with a different boyfriend.

Sleepy will you do us all a favour and just explain the positives of your relationship?

Give yourself a great birthday present this Wednesday, Sleepy! Dump him!

you are in a relationship that is making you feel insecure

the only person you need to ask questions to is yourself and that is why does it make you feel this way. you know the answer

OP - I've got milk in my fridge older than your 'relationship' and already you've had to post in AIBU? That's never a good sign.

What are his good points keeping you so attached to this bloke?

When he's finished his therapy, when he's ditched the controlling friend, when he's dealt with those issues- then is the time to start a romantic relationship with this man.
In the mean time you could possibly be friends, but only if you don't hang around wanting to be more than friends like the big doormat you're acting like now-honestly -you're not being strong and brave-you're being a pushover.
You have kids and a life.
You do not need a shitty excuse for a relationship-it really is not better than no relationship.
You need to work through why you feel you deserve this crap and why you need to rescue/save people.

That about her spending Thursday nights with him, that's on the old thread as well, I'm sure it is, it rang such a loud bell. Doesn't anyone else remember? Don't think I dreamed it? But the mental health issue is new.

Ah, so he's a 'fixer-upper' then.

Someone doesn't "come across" as selfish and uncaring. Someone IS selfish and uncaring. A caring, unselfish person does not "come across" as selfish and uncaring.

Two months and you're so invested that you are taking all manner of crap and thinking of how you can help him, how you can change him, him him him him him. He's got no boundaries, you've got to make it work, he's protecting himself,

Is there no part of you at all that realises that this simply isn't normal? You don't "have" to work past these things. Oh, it's really shit and difficult, I just have to push past all that and it will be nice and rosy. No. It won't. It really really won't. Are you so desperate for him/a relationship that you are clinging to this?

Remember this thread when you are posting in the future - and you will be. You'll be posting about a man who doesn't care, a man who does what he wants - a man who you suspect is cheating... Remember that you made the choice to be where you will be.

You've been with him eight weeks - I've got stuff in my fridge that's been in there longer than 8 weeks. WHY are you so intent on this? 8 weeks and you're talking about wading through what is clearly a huge pile of shit, to some happy ever after that just doesn't exist.

I hope, for your sake, that we are all wrong. I hope you come back one day and say you know what? You were all SO wrong. We are in love and he treats me with total respect and shows me so much love and we're so happy.

I would love to see that, I really would.

It's just that I'm not going to.

Actually OP I am beginning to wonder if you are ignoring this man's attempts to dump you. He doesn't sound like he's very keen on you: are you utterly desperate for a partner, so desperate that you will put up with anything so as to be able to tell people you're not single? If so, that's a really bad state to be in, as the one after this man will probably be actively dangerous. This one sounds like he's just a fannyrat who tells women what he thinks they want to hear.

But honestly, you've been seeing him less than two months, he claims to have mental health issues that allow him to be unpleasant to you with impunity and he is very closely involved with another woman when you appear to want a monogamous relationship: the world is full of men, not all of whom are arseholes or liabilities. Why are you bothering with this one?

Relationships shouldn't be this hard after only 8 weeks...

Oh, and just because a person has MH issues, doesn't mean they're necessarily a nice person underneath. (I, for example, have had some MH issues over the last 5 or 6 years but I was horrible long before that.)

i posted a long reply and then lost it! Dammit! Sleepy, how far back was this fling and how long have they been friends? You see, my best friend is a man and yes, we did sleep together once when we were very much younger and pissed. But, that was soooo long ago, it's history now and my friend still comes to stay with my and my DC (he lives some distance from us). We go out for days, drinks, meals, it's no big deal to his lovely DP, nor would a holiday be.

Maybe that's all there is to this relationship too, nothing but friends, with the past an age away?

NO FUCKING WAY !

Oh sweetheart, I've been there and got the t shirt, don't be a mug like so many of us have been, this is early enough to walk away from.

There are way too many issues in this 'relationship'. I've walked away from a potential relationship for far less than this.

You're not going to listen I can see that but I guarantee if this man is still in your life in 2, 3 years he'll have bought you nothing but heartache. And you'll still be making excuses for him.

YANBU

One of my 3 closest friends is a man. Very special and very dear to me. But holiday? No, ta. Holiday is for my own dh and ds. And to get together in a rarified away from everything holiday is just asking for trouble if there have already been sparks in the past.

Err, Graham, do you refuse to meet his girlfriends and go to stay with him when you know he's supposed to be celebrating his girlfriends' birthdays? Do you say you're "not ready" to meet his girlfriends like some delicate little emotional flower? Did he do those things to you and your DP?

Isn't this at least the third thread you have started about this man over the last month?

Either that or there are several more with occasional fuck buddies they only see on a Thursday.

You went and googled this woman and searched her out with in a month and then decided she had something to hide when she prevented you from seeing her on facebook. He didn't want you to meet his mates after a month?

All that stress and crap in four weeks and it is still going on!

You have got way too intense way too fast and need to back off for your own sanity and well being.

I'd be questioning the whole relationship with this friend not just the holiday bit.

AnnieGetYourGun I remember that too! Thought I was the only one who found this whole thread familiar.

garlic, no I didn't refuse to meet his DP. My friend and I lost touch for about a year many moons ago and in that time he met his partner. When we caught up again (as if we'd never lost touch at all :) ) he, his DP and me and my DC all met in a big park for a day out. But, I'm not the woman in the OP, I'm confident in meeting friends' partners. I can't explain or account for that woman but just maybe she's shy/nervous/thinks that the OP will hate her just for being the guy's friend or wary for goodness knows whatever other, non-unpleasant reasons. I don't know, I'm just trying to put another side to the story.

I have to say I don't get the theory of "you mustn't go on holiday with a male friend, holidays are for me and my DP and family" thing expressed by someone else above but that's just me I guess. :)