Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my dp to go on holiday with another woman?

252 replies

SleepyDopeyGrumpy · 11/06/2012 19:07

His best friend who he has been intimate with in the past and who he spends a lot of time with.

AIBU?

OP posts:
accountantsrule · 11/06/2012 20:21

Wow I am almost speechless (almost)

YANBU - I cannot believe he is even considering going away with her. Just a couple of months into a relationship and there are issues already. My DH would not have wanted to go away for a weekend with his mates that early on in our relationship as we wanted to see each other as much as possible.

I know it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex but when you have a partner then there is a certain etiquette surely. Going out alone with friends of the opposite sex is just weird and inconsiderate IMO and who the fuck does she think she is saying she is not comfortable spending time with you.

She clearly feels more for him than he is saying and another thing . . . what if he needs sex whilst they are away???

I feel quite cross on your behalf TBH!

TalHotBlond · 11/06/2012 20:21

I think Eurochick has it spot on. He'd like more with her but is whiling away the wait with you. He's certainly prepared to put her feelings above yours which isn't fair. I think I'd get rid but if you still think there is a chance then at least distance yourself coolly and see if he chases.

Leverette · 11/06/2012 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MsPaperbackWriter · 11/06/2012 20:23

You have lots of good advice here - take it
Why are you ignoring everyone? Op's who ignore all the advice they get and just keep posting info and not listening always seem suspect to me. You are being taken for a fool yet you allow it. If you are happy to be in this Lund of relationship where he is already saying 'dont start' and is more than likely fucking her as well as you then it's your life

If you had any respect for yourself you would tell him you are not a fucking twat and dump the loser. From your posts though I suspect you won't - or this is an attention seeking wind up.

QuintessentialShadows · 11/06/2012 20:24
Hmm

Give me a break.

And you think you are in a relationship with this man???

Sorry. Wake up and dont be naive. He is not your dp.

Panzee · 11/06/2012 20:27

No no no no no no no no no.
But you know this. Please get rid, he is a git.

ReportMeNow · 11/06/2012 20:29

Maybe it's my age, but why don't more women just say I haven't got the patience for this game-playing crap so piss-off?

discrete · 11/06/2012 20:30

I can see I am alone on this thread but after two months this would not bother me. Two months is very, very early into a relationship (probation period really) and way too soon to be changing holiday plans etc. for.

But then I've been married for 20 years, so it's all a bit too much of a distant memory, so feel free to ignore me.

Original poster
SleepyDopeyGrumpy · 11/06/2012 20:31

Im not a troll paperback.
I posted this to see if i was BU and im not so i went ahead and put my foot down and he has agreed not to go.
There are mental issues with him that make it hard to have a normal relationship so yes a few things have come up that i have problems with and have had to work through and yes he does come across a lot of the time as uncaring and selfish but not always.

At the end of the day this is only new and i have to work past these things so i can get to the stage where he feels comfortable enough that im not going to leave him but he has no boundaries and slowly is working on that so i have to give it time and work together to make it work.

Admittedly im doing most of the work but i hope that with his new therapy and as trust grows then he will also learn to be more reasonable and stop protecting himself at the expense of my feelings.

OP posts:
lovebunny · 11/06/2012 20:31

are you joking? how can that be unreasonable? if he goes, he's not your partner is he, he's hers.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/06/2012 20:32

"She is there this wednesday and thursday but he has told me not to be so worried because as its my birthday wednesday he has chosen to spend it with me instead of her so that shows he is not disregarding my feelings about her."

Oh well that's all right then Hmm ...

Seriously OP, do you have doormat tattooed on your forehead? Or a history of excruciatingly low self-esteem? Because you seem so very willing to put up with - well, just about anything he cares to dish out to you. Do yourself a favour, and cease to be manipulated by him any more. Chuck, chuck, chuck him!

trixymalixy · 11/06/2012 20:32

So after 2 months together he's saying you get aggressive when upset and telling you " not to start". This is the start of your relationship, the honeymoon period, think what it'll be like in a few years? If you haven't started running yet, then you are a fool.

Bossybritches22 · 11/06/2012 20:33

Is this a reverse AIBU??? Shock

ReportMeNow · 11/06/2012 20:33

It's better to be in no relationship than to be taken for a fool and made miserable in one. I don't get why you would consciously choose unhappiness for yourself from the very start? Do you enjoy the misery, drama and the attention it gets you?

squeakytoy · 11/06/2012 20:33

you have only known him 8 weeks.. do you really need this sort of shit?

badtasteflump · 11/06/2012 20:35

Here here squeaky.

purleeeease Hmm

PS I have to admit the phrase 'mostly a lesbian' has made me chuckle....

MooncupGoddess · 11/06/2012 20:35

Well, it is good that he has agreed not to go, but:

'yes he does come across a lot of the time as uncaring and selfish but not always'

Seriously, it sounds like he has massive issues, and I wonder why you've rushed into rescuer mode? Why not wait until he's sorted himself out (if indeed he ever does) before getting together with him?

dittany · 11/06/2012 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/06/2012 20:36

" i have to work past these things"
No, you don't. You can just pass on by and choose to protect yourself and your sons from as uncaring and selfish person. (He comes across that way because he s, by the way.)

If you won't protect yourself, at least think of your sons. Do you really want them exposed to this shite? Angry

sensuallettuce · 11/06/2012 20:36

Don't think it'll be you doing the leaving Hmm.

dittany · 11/06/2012 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

idococktailshedoesbeer · 11/06/2012 20:38

Tell him you're happy for them to go away together if you can meet this friend and get to know her to put your mind at rest. (since when was it all about HER feelings?)

If he doesn't understand this (and then signs don't look good) then he's a knob who will be a complete waste of your time and you need to get rid.

JustFab · 11/06/2012 20:40

Oh dear. He is not the only man in the world and he isn't even fully yours. What is so amazing about him that means it is worth all this shit and working through at 2 months in??

chipmunksex · 11/06/2012 20:42
GhostOfAWasp · 11/06/2012 20:42

I had an ex who went to stay in NY with an ex- it had been booked before we met.

You can guess what went on. No way are these things ever innocent.