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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my dp to go on holiday with another woman?

252 replies

SleepyDopeyGrumpy · 11/06/2012 19:07

His best friend who he has been intimate with in the past and who he spends a lot of time with.

AIBU?

OP posts:
EchoBitch · 11/06/2012 19:39

So he's going on hols with his Ex?

Aboutlastnight · 11/06/2012 19:39

"apart from him she is mostly a lesbian" PMSL

I bet he fucking loved it when she told him that.

Op do not get caught up in their nonsense.

ZZZenAgain · 11/06/2012 19:40

she is not his ex exactly but his best friend with whom he has or has had "an occasional shag" when they felt they needed it

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 11/06/2012 19:40

Haha and Hmm at this "best friend" who is "mostly a lesbian..." except for getting her leg over with your partner. If anything that's even more reason to think this situation is dodgy as fuck.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/06/2012 19:40

RUN

Seriously, this is a new relationship and he is controlling, making you feel bad for expressing perfectly fucking reasonable emotions, wanting to go away with his fuck-buddy, telling you not to start. And, this IS THE HONEYMOON PERIOD.

RUN

JustFab · 11/06/2012 19:40

"Has just told me not to start."

Not qualified to say if a red a flag or not but I would suggest at least a pink one and a horrible way to speak to your girlfriend.

McFarts · 11/06/2012 19:41

Honestly he is not worth the bother! he is twisting things to make you feel bad!.

slowestwildebeast · 11/06/2012 19:41

he's being manipulative now. Blaming you for not letting him go. the poor little prince.

HecateTrivia · 11/06/2012 19:42

I am reminded of the saying "there are none so blind as they who will not see".

How many friends are not ready to meet their friend's new partner? How many friends need time to accept it? How many friends require the first meeting of the new partner to be in a group, at a time and place of their choosing?

Just friends? Come off it.

Look, if you want to go along with it, go along with it, but you owe it to yourself to not pretend. Be realistic. If it is your choice to stay with him, do so with your eyes open.

Anniegetyourgun · 11/06/2012 19:43

Oops, just cross posted with "Has just told me not to start... How do i explain so that im not seen as being aggressive which apparently i always get like when im upset"

Run away, run away. That's Red Flag Central right there, that is. It's not just about the "ex" girlfriend, it's about his attitude to your feelings. No respect, no empathy. Not a good prospect.

FfoFfycsecs · 11/06/2012 19:44

My best friend is a man- We have a bit of romantic history.
Never, ever, ever would I go on holiday with him without my DP. NEVER. If I did, nothing would happen between BF and I, we'd probably have a brilliant time- But I just would not do it to my DP. It's really very cruel.

Caerlaverock · 11/06/2012 19:44

Mostly a lesbian, hilarious

RabidAnchovy · 11/06/2012 19:45

Are you being unreasonable.... let me think about it...
hell no

whatlauradid · 11/06/2012 19:45

YADNBU.

EchoBitch · 11/06/2012 19:45

What Hectate said ^

Anniegetyourgun · 11/06/2012 19:46

You can bet when OP finds the candid phone shots and/or collection of used condoms the explanation will be "well I had to because I was missing you so much but I was only thinking of you while I was shagging her, honest".

And if the "ex" really is a lesbian no doubt she'll only have been thinking of you as well. Which is nice.

ErikNorseman · 11/06/2012 19:47

He's a complete dick. Cut and run.

eurochick · 11/06/2012 19:47

This smells fishier than a month old mackerel in a hot country.

Someone upthread asked if you are sure you are not the other woman here. I wondered the same.

Even if not, this is a very odd situation. She is calling the shots about when you are allowed to meet her? She is going on holiday with someone else's bf that she has previously shagged? She is mostly a lesbian but makes exceptions for him Hmm?

Just ditch him. He's a twat. I suspect he wants more to happen with her than just a casual shag and is happy to get into other relationships while he waits for her.

Oogaballoo · 11/06/2012 19:47

"Has just told me not to start." Bit weird that he talks to like this after only a couple of months together. Can't put my finger on why, but it made me raise my eyebrows- you're in the early stages of your relationship and he already acts like you "start" on him.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 11/06/2012 19:48

Oh. I was all set to say 'Good god no, what on earth is he thinking?' and then I saw that you have only beenwith him for 2 months and you do not live together.

He isn't your 'DP'. He is just a guy you've been seeing for only 2 months. If he and his best friend wanted to be in a relationship then presumably they could be. Stop stressing. If you can't trust him after only 2 months then you may as well ditch him now.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 11/06/2012 19:48

"He's just told me not to start". Hmm yes I bet he has. Because he knows he's a knob and no woman would be pleased about this. Actually, no man would either, if the boot was on the other foot.

HecateTrivia · 11/06/2012 19:49

Grin annie. naughty but bloody funny.

Poor OP. I feel really sorry for her. I wish she'd just open her eyes and see this for what it so obviously is.

miniwedge · 11/06/2012 19:49

I'm mostly a lesbian. No really I am. Apart from my vagina which loves a bit of cock.

She is his girlfriend and he is cheating on her with you.

RabidAnchovy · 11/06/2012 19:50

Thought about it some more...RUN

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 11/06/2012 19:51

YANBU. And if he's calling you a 'controlling bitch' he sounds like an utter tool. You'd be better off getting rid.