To not want my dp to go on holiday with another woman?

[SleepyDopeyGrumpy]

His best friend who he has been intimate with in the past and who he spends a lot of time with.

AIBU?

If it's an annual thing to a festival or something I'd understand if they assumed they'd go as normal.
However, dictating how you two meet? She either plain wants him or she doesn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him.
Your dp is either complicit in this or doesn't want to narrow his options down to you just yet or is a bit thick and needs this pointing out very very clearly.

Are you sure it's worth the bother?

Has he said But don't you trust me? line yet?

She was never a girlfriend only a shag on the occasional time they both felt like they needed sex.
Apparently apart from him she is mostly a lesbian.

What? No, no,no, get rid. The cheek to even suggest it.

'Apparently apart from him she is mostly a lesbian.'

Yeah, right.

apart from him she is mostly a lesbian. My, my, that must be good for his ego.

Sleepy are you honestly considering staying with this man?

That wouldn't sit right with me at all. The way you describe things about her not being comfortable to meet you, you can finally meet her with mutual friends there and they always go away together so still are?? It sounds to me like you are the third person in the relationship, it sounds all about her and him and you just fit in whenever.

Hmmm I would be furious and spend the entire week in a jealous rage slightly suspicious - BUT if the holiday was arranged before you met and this lady sounds like a bit of a stirrer I would be perfectly pleasant about it whil seething inside and if the relationship progresses make it clear a repeat trip isn't on.

If arranged after you met - that's just weird!

Boiling your post down to the bare bones - you new boyfriend would like to take his ex-girlfriend away on holiday with him.

Has he taken you away on holiday yet?

Would you go on holiday on your own with any of your exes?

What's good for the goose and all that...

But there is also the issue that it's up to the girlfriend when and how she meets you which is your boyfriend's first consideration, going by your post.

Or has he discussed how you feel about her or when and how would you like to meet her?

To be honest, from your post, what I'm getting is that your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend have a little unfinished business they would both like to attend to, without you.

Lesbian my arse.

Remove the wool.

Oh please

Are you getting all of this from him?

How do you know she even knows about you?

All is not as he is claiming it is.

Look at the evidence. Take a step back and look. Does someone who is just a friend have all these conditions? Can someone who is just a friend not be ready to meet you?

Don't be naive.

Yes - my OH tells me all the wrens in the Navy are lesbians - he doesn't realise I'm not an idiot

If you have only been together a few months I think it comes down to two things:
(1) Are you willing to accept this arrangement?
(2) If you are not prepared to, you may have to accept the fact that he may not want to continue the relationship with you.

Sleepy, read your last post back to yourself and ask what is right with any of that statement. She is mostly a lesbian and only shagged your partner occasionally? And now they are going on a holiday to which you are not invited? Run - fast. You deserve to not be taken for a mug.

Oh dear, I missed the lesbian bit

Sure she is

Its not actually arranged its something he just told me about that happens and he thought he better bring it up as i might have a problem with it so wanted to warn me in advance. Has just told me not to start and if i have that much of a problem with it then he just wont go.

However i cant help but feel he just doesnt understand why its wrong at all and therefore now im just a controlling bitch. How do i explain so that im not seen as being aggressive which apparently i always get like when im upset.

apart from him she is mostly a lesbian

Really?! Did you see what I wrote upthread about my dad going on holiday with our lesbian friend?!

Oh FFS, you can do better than him. He has a friend who he has shagged in the past when they have felt they needed sex Wake up and smell the coffee! If she was Totally a lesbian and they didn't fuck each other in the past i might MIGHT be able to get my head round it (actually i wouldnt becaue im quite insecure but hey ho). He is just not that into you im afraid.

mostly a lesbian!? Weird weird weird.

Yanbu. Get rid. Perhaps if he had already booked and had mentioned it before you started dating but no way in hell would I date a man knowing he goes on holiday with his mostly lesbian fuck buddy.

What happens next year or the year after or if you get married? Will he still be off on his yearly trip with little miss 'I don't want to meet your dp alone'?

Why does she not want to meet you? You'd be a chump to carry on with this.

I am absolutely sure I saw this exact situation in a post about a year ago, though they'd been dating perhaps a little longer. Wonder if it is the same bloke pulling the same trick as he did on last year's girlfriend!

he has just told you not to start?

Run, run fast

'not to start' - he sounds like a knob.