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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP caused this argument and he's a knob

334 replies

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:31

DP and I are moving in together in two weeks. He's suddenly decided that my kids need more "discipline" and "structure" so on the 4 nights a week he stays with us he's attempted to lay the law down about us having a "games night" Hmm where we play a board game and insisted that we all sit at the table to eat dinner. I'm really not happy about him trying to lay the law down like this and we had a small row about it and I said I would compromise by trying the meal at the table and would offer the kids the board game thing but not insist on it. So we're sat down at the table and it was really awkward and false. DP had "dressed for dinner" which I found absolutely hilarious and he tries starting shit conversations which all sounded so corny and sitcomish.
DS said something about "oh god, we're becomming one of those geeky families that think they're better than everyone else because they're smug" and DP snapped "well maybe it's about time you were aware of how you come across to others, there is nothing wrong with sitting at the table for a meal".
He was obviously implying that the kids had been dragged up and so I snapped and said he looked like a total dork in his "dinner wear" and he should stop thinking he was something wasn't. DS burst out laughing and DP snapped back "well if I'm a dork, you're a fishwife". DS again burst out laughing and I laughed along, it was quite funny. The dork and the fishwife. DP however sulked that it wasn't funny and he was just trying to be civilised "for once". For a laugh I agreed with him and asked DS to pass the caviare so DS flicked a load of mash at DP. It went all down his suit and I did tell him off and said he'd gone too far but DP was furious and stormed upstairs saying we were all beyond help.

AIBU to think that despite DS being naughty, the whole thing was caused by DP?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 07/06/2012 22:14

Ok I've read the first page.

Your DS draws on other people's walls, flicks mash at them and you think this is funny?

I know nothing of the history of you and your partner, but my children always sit and the table and we very regulary eat together as a family.

I fail to see why this is something to be ridiculed.

DamnBamboo · 07/06/2012 22:23

You have a table yet you eat on the sofa or the floor all the time.

Why on earth do you have a table?

maddening · 07/06/2012 22:39

I can understand why dp feels discipline is am issue if ds if writing on walls and throwing food - unless ds is 3?

you shouldn't be encouraging ds to be rude and flippant to dp. If he is to take the role of a father figure then actively ridiculing him in front of ds is out of order also.

you need to seriously think whether your views of family life including the behaviour of your son are compatible.

skybluepearl · 07/06/2012 22:41

I can't believe you don't at your meals round a table!! Do you have any quality family time? Your DP's ideas are lovely by the way and you are indeed a fishwife

elinorbellowed · 07/06/2012 23:06

I like to live my life through 80s teen films.
"I'd rather be alone for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong reasons."
Some Kind Of Wonderful

How is your life going to be better by being with this man? How is your son's life going to be better by being with this man? Frankly, if you are financially independent and you have a right hand, you don't need him. You clearly don't like him, and nor does your son.

mcmooncup · 07/06/2012 23:13

I met a rare owl recently at some 'do' and apparently the owners had spent a lot of money getting a male mate for her so they could get some yummy babby owlies. But instead of having lovely owl sex, she de-capitated him in 5 minutes flat.

Just reminded me how shocked I was. Maybe your DP should be a bit more wary about owl enthusiasm, they are not all they are cracked up to be with their big owly eyes.

Empusa · 07/06/2012 23:15

I don't think we are going to see OP again on this thread. Though I expect there'll be another "look how unreasonable my DP is!" thread, where she will, yet again, refuse to listen. Hmm

ImperialBlether · 07/06/2012 23:18

Yes, Empusa, she'll be back on some other thread saying "Waaah my MIL told me where the postbox was!"

bejeezusWC · 07/06/2012 23:22

I don't think we are going to see OP again on this thread

Shock Hmm

Empusa · 07/06/2012 23:51

What's the ShockHmm about bejeezus?

Krumbum · 07/06/2012 23:53

They are your children. And he's a controlling arse.

Moominsarescary · 08/06/2012 00:07

And the op is also an arse

mumeeee · 08/06/2012 00:23

Sitting at the table for at least one meal a day is a good thing, We always eat out evening meal togehter at the table although there is only DD3 at home now. Dressing for dinner was a bit over the top but otherwise I thnk your DP was trying to be nice.

Morloth · 08/06/2012 00:27

This is not the man for you.

From what you have posted you are very very different and not in an 'opposites attract' sort of way.

I would be willing to lay a LARGE bet that it will not work.

Don't move in with him. Spend some more time getting to know each other before you commit.

You don't even sound like you like him let alone love him. Why are you moving in with him?

AgnesBligg · 08/06/2012 00:37

He made a mistake in trying to impose table manners and board games on you both. You are obviously close to your DS and you both reacted in the same way - with hilarity at his new 'rules'. I don't blame either of you for this.

But. You would be mad to move in this man.

AdoraBell · 08/06/2012 01:21

I wouldn't move in with a bloke like that, YANBU.

MsPaperbackWriter · 08/06/2012 06:09

The op has flounced - I bet you she has. She came Here expecting lots of support and sympathy and now she doesnt have it she doesn't like it.
Your child has appalling manners and whilst your partner is weird in many ways, you sound awful to him and quite abusive. Do you like weak men so you can bully them?

MsIngaFewmarbles · 08/06/2012 09:54

OP perhaps my experience can help you. When I met DH we were worlds apart in expectations for our respective DCs. His DD was a small adult who didnt know how to play with other kids and my DDs were a little feral around the edges.

We TALKED and discovered that we needed to meet somewhere in the middle. We worked together to loosen up his DD and pull mine back into line, eating meals at the dinner table together was essential to this as was presenting a united front.

Perhaps your DP went about it in a cackhanded way, but I don't disagree with what he was trying to do. If you want this to work, please please sit down together, discuss what you both want and work out a plan to implement your goals. It can work, DH and I are 5 years down the line and still in love and happy as are our DCs.

iscream · 08/06/2012 10:06

It does take a period of time to adjust to living together as a family, especially when children are involved. The thing is, learning to sort things out and compromise.
Try family dinner again, this time he should wear his usual garb. Play a board game, but take turns each week choosing which one. Maybe take the kids out to the store to choose a new one themselves?
You can also make family dinner a special event they look forward to by involving them in preparing, or setting the table. Take turns choosing the family night menu.

manicbmc · 08/06/2012 10:53

As I said further up the thread, I'd have more sympathy for the OP if she had taken the advice she asked for last time.

I agree with Empusa and wait for the next instalment with bated breath. Grin

Whatmeworry · 08/06/2012 10:57

The thing that has amused me most about this thread are those defending the OP against all odds :)

JoanOfNark · 08/06/2012 11:01

even when the OP is a bit of a nobber.

lazarusb · 08/06/2012 14:17

mcmooncup That was a fantastic post Grin

Maryz · 08/06/2012 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainydaysarebad · 08/06/2012 14:35

Why don't you eat your meals at the table? Weirdo.