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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP caused this argument and he's a knob

334 replies

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:31

DP and I are moving in together in two weeks. He's suddenly decided that my kids need more "discipline" and "structure" so on the 4 nights a week he stays with us he's attempted to lay the law down about us having a "games night" Hmm where we play a board game and insisted that we all sit at the table to eat dinner. I'm really not happy about him trying to lay the law down like this and we had a small row about it and I said I would compromise by trying the meal at the table and would offer the kids the board game thing but not insist on it. So we're sat down at the table and it was really awkward and false. DP had "dressed for dinner" which I found absolutely hilarious and he tries starting shit conversations which all sounded so corny and sitcomish.
DS said something about "oh god, we're becomming one of those geeky families that think they're better than everyone else because they're smug" and DP snapped "well maybe it's about time you were aware of how you come across to others, there is nothing wrong with sitting at the table for a meal".
He was obviously implying that the kids had been dragged up and so I snapped and said he looked like a total dork in his "dinner wear" and he should stop thinking he was something wasn't. DS burst out laughing and DP snapped back "well if I'm a dork, you're a fishwife". DS again burst out laughing and I laughed along, it was quite funny. The dork and the fishwife. DP however sulked that it wasn't funny and he was just trying to be civilised "for once". For a laugh I agreed with him and asked DS to pass the caviare so DS flicked a load of mash at DP. It went all down his suit and I did tell him off and said he'd gone too far but DP was furious and stormed upstairs saying we were all beyond help.

AIBU to think that despite DS being naughty, the whole thing was caused by DP?

OP posts:
soveryhard · 07/06/2012 12:40

clearly there is a back story but you have no respect for DP.

This is doomed.

PandaWatch · 07/06/2012 12:41

You clearly have very different values. I haven't read any of your previous threads but taking the piss out of your DP in front of your DS isn't very healthy IMO. And if anyone threw food at me I'd be hacked off.

FormerlyTitledUntidy · 07/06/2012 12:41

Fuck that. No way would I be moving in with him, sounds mental. Does your dp have his own kids? Why does he think he knows better than you on how to discipline your kids?
Why would you want to move in with someone who thinks you're not civilised, calls you a fishwife and implies your kids have been dragged up?!
I do not think this will end well op.

dreamingbohemian · 07/06/2012 12:41

It sounds like your DP believes like a lot of people that it's a good idea to eat family meals at the table and engage in conversation with each other. Without knowing anything else about your relationship, I'd say you were in the wrong. You agreed to go along with his experiment but then you and your DS made fun of the whole thing.

Why are you moving in together? You don't sound very compatible.

wordfactory · 07/06/2012 12:41

Sitting at atble for dinner whilst chatting is absolutley normal. Board games too! What would you rather do OP?

Drawing on walls and flicking food isn't good manners. Not dire but pretty poor.

Lexiesgirl · 07/06/2012 12:41

I don't really think that there is anything wrong with his ideas. Dinner together and a board game sound like nice things to do. So I think YAB a little U. He wanted to do something as a family and you and your DS laughed at him? That doesn't sound particularly fair.

(Though tbh, I'd laugh at my DP if he dressed up for dinner. YANBU for that Grin)

Hullygully · 07/06/2012 12:42

The details of who wanted what and who did what are irrelevant really, it's the enormous gulf between you both that is going ot matter

ComposHat · 07/06/2012 12:42

I think YABU, you seemed to be using your partner as a joke figure.

They seem pretty ill mannered, Christ almighty if I had flicked lash at anyone let alone an adult, I'd have had my head taken off.

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:43

I wasn't making fun or the situation, just the daft way in which he was acting and his stupid bloody grin which he wore whilst trying to initiate crap conversation and thinking he's won.

OP posts:
Katiepoes · 07/06/2012 12:43

Where do you eat now? And did you really expect him not to mind having mash thrown at him?

I'd re-think the moving in until you are both agreed on the rules, there's kids involved here and it's not fair on anyone to have this messing.

AnyoneForTennis · 07/06/2012 12:43

Yeah but he dressed for dinner??? Did he expect you all to get changed too?

wordfactory · 07/06/2012 12:44

Won what?

soveryhard · 07/06/2012 12:44

ok what was he wearing?

roundtable · 07/06/2012 12:44

You all sound unreasonable.

It's not going to work.

CeliaFate · 07/06/2012 12:44

^^What Hully said. You're meant to be a partnership - if you disagree with him and make fun of him in front of your kids, you're telling them that he doesn't deserve respect.
Dh and I try to respect each other's views and opinions and if one of us says something the other will back it up. Then in private we'll discuss if we think one of us was in the wrong and go from there.

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:44

We eat on the sofa or the floor

OP posts:
PandaWatch · 07/06/2012 12:44

Do you even like your DP?!

Hullygully · 07/06/2012 12:44

"thinking he's won"

If you aren't on the same side now, you sure as hell never will be.

ImperialBlether · 07/06/2012 12:44

Christ, I'm on your boyfriend's side here. OK he was daft dressing up but you and your son sound like you've been dragged up.

storminabuttercup · 07/06/2012 12:44

It does sound like he is trying to show you that your DS needs discipline. Drawing on walls and flicking food is unacceptable IMO

Also you kind of ganged up on him.

Even if he was being a dork he was trying to bond as a family.

But other posts make me think there is history....

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:45

He wore trousers and a shirt. Totally unlike what he normally wears. If he'd just worn his normal clothes I wouldn't have laughed at him.

OP posts:
taxiforme · 07/06/2012 12:45

Love DS, good on him.

If you love him otherwise than being a complete nob, then I think you need to have a chat about "ooh, well, that worked..didnt it?" and get things straight. In a way he seems like he is trying to hard.

I come to this from experience as I moved in as a "childless career woman" with my DH and his DCs (7 10 and 12 at the time). I thought they were lazy, badly dressed, lacking in the social niceties like conversation and manners and they they had no "taste" in food. I made some crap efforts at museums, watching "the news" and fancy meals..yep..spot the try too hard stepmother. C'est moi.

I realised that they were kids, after about a week. Not a fucking work project.

soveryhard · 07/06/2012 12:45

I find it extremly odd he had to suggest that you ate at the table.

I think your son sound ill manered, my 4 year old knows not to throw food.

ComposHat · 07/06/2012 12:45

I think YABU, you seemed to be using your partner as a joke figure.

They seem pretty ill mannered, Christ almighty if I had flicked lash at anyone let alone an adult, I'd have had my head taken off.

dreamingbohemian · 07/06/2012 12:46

It just doesn't sound very hopeful. It doesn't sound like any of you have any respect for each other.