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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP caused this argument and he's a knob

334 replies

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:31

DP and I are moving in together in two weeks. He's suddenly decided that my kids need more "discipline" and "structure" so on the 4 nights a week he stays with us he's attempted to lay the law down about us having a "games night" Hmm where we play a board game and insisted that we all sit at the table to eat dinner. I'm really not happy about him trying to lay the law down like this and we had a small row about it and I said I would compromise by trying the meal at the table and would offer the kids the board game thing but not insist on it. So we're sat down at the table and it was really awkward and false. DP had "dressed for dinner" which I found absolutely hilarious and he tries starting shit conversations which all sounded so corny and sitcomish.
DS said something about "oh god, we're becomming one of those geeky families that think they're better than everyone else because they're smug" and DP snapped "well maybe it's about time you were aware of how you come across to others, there is nothing wrong with sitting at the table for a meal".
He was obviously implying that the kids had been dragged up and so I snapped and said he looked like a total dork in his "dinner wear" and he should stop thinking he was something wasn't. DS burst out laughing and DP snapped back "well if I'm a dork, you're a fishwife". DS again burst out laughing and I laughed along, it was quite funny. The dork and the fishwife. DP however sulked that it wasn't funny and he was just trying to be civilised "for once". For a laugh I agreed with him and asked DS to pass the caviare so DS flicked a load of mash at DP. It went all down his suit and I did tell him off and said he'd gone too far but DP was furious and stormed upstairs saying we were all beyond help.

AIBU to think that despite DS being naughty, the whole thing was caused by DP?

OP posts:
twofurryones · 07/06/2012 12:32

Why are you moving in together?

AnyoneForTennis · 07/06/2012 12:34

I think you should not be moving in with him..... It's crystal clear!!

manicbmc · 07/06/2012 12:34

Is this the dp who's mummy still does everything for him and pays his bills? Hmm

soveryhard · 07/06/2012 12:34

why arent you eating at the table as a family?? I think DPs ideas are lovely tbh.

manicbmc · 07/06/2012 12:34

I thought you had dumped this loser?

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:35

Yes we've sorted that Manic. We did split briefly because of it but have now agreed that all financial things are private with no intereference from mummy.

OP posts:
squoosh · 07/06/2012 12:35

Sounds like he's making an effort to create a nice inclusive family environment as at the moment it sounds like an us and him situation. Maybe he feels outnumbered.

I wouldn't be impressed if a child flicked mash at me.

GeraldineAubergine · 07/06/2012 12:35

From your op I think your dp does have knobbish tendencies, HOWEVER, I think you and your ds were quite rude to him when he was trying to do a 'family' thing. I say you were all being U (and common). Grin

soveryhard · 07/06/2012 12:35

and fwiw, I also insist on meals at the table, no hats, mobile phones and everyone has to be appropriately dressed, and by that I mean t-shirts, no bare chests

squoosh · 07/06/2012 12:36

Is he moving from living with his Mum to living with you?

Yikes.

AnyoneForTennis · 07/06/2012 12:36

The first sentence makes me think this is doomed...... Discipline and structure??

wordfactory · 07/06/2012 12:36

I think his ideas sound nice.

Perhaps he is trying a little hard. But better that than no effort.

AnyoneForTennis · 07/06/2012 12:37

Oh. And caviare? You bought that?

trikken · 07/06/2012 12:38

it sounds like you were worse than him. it is nice to eat at the table.

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:38

No we're moving into his house for a year and then looking for somewhere mutual. We were redecorating that bathroom and the walls were bare and so DS drew a picture of a bloke sat on the toilet with his pants around his ankles. It was really funny but this what set off DPs obsession with structure

OP posts:
manicbmc · 07/06/2012 12:38

I think, due to his very odd background, he has a skewed view of 'family'. Having said that, I think your ds could do with a few manners as well.

Hullygully · 07/06/2012 12:38

It isn't going to work

AnyoneForTennis · 07/06/2012 12:38

Does he support you financially?

twofurryones · 07/06/2012 12:39

I missed the bit about your DS flicking mash at him, do you seriously consider that to be acceptable behaviour?

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:39

No I earn more than he does. He does work though.

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 07/06/2012 12:39

Sorry OP but this is doomed. There is nothing wrong with sitting at a table to eat meals, to have family time together that doesn't involve technology. If my ds threw food at anyone he would have a major telling off - there is no excuse for that.
You don't sound at all compatible. This is the honeymoon period - if it's bad now, it's only going to get worse.
Sorry to sound so blunt, but it's true.

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:39

I said DS was told off for flicking mash

OP posts:
soveryhard · 07/06/2012 12:39

Your DS sounds hard work, how old is he that he cant sit through a meal at a table.

Coops79 · 07/06/2012 12:39

I feel a wee bit sorry for him tbh. It sounds like he wants to be an active participant in the family rather than simply slotting in as if he's a guest. He's going about it in a cack-handed way but I think he might deserve a slightly more patient response rather than being ganged up on (I'm sure that's not what you meant to do, but if I was him, that's how I'd interpret it).

munchymonster · 07/06/2012 12:40

Your DS sounds like a yob and you and he will gang up on your P if you all live together.