Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DP caused this argument and he's a knob

334 replies

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 12:31

DP and I are moving in together in two weeks. He's suddenly decided that my kids need more "discipline" and "structure" so on the 4 nights a week he stays with us he's attempted to lay the law down about us having a "games night" Hmm where we play a board game and insisted that we all sit at the table to eat dinner. I'm really not happy about him trying to lay the law down like this and we had a small row about it and I said I would compromise by trying the meal at the table and would offer the kids the board game thing but not insist on it. So we're sat down at the table and it was really awkward and false. DP had "dressed for dinner" which I found absolutely hilarious and he tries starting shit conversations which all sounded so corny and sitcomish.
DS said something about "oh god, we're becomming one of those geeky families that think they're better than everyone else because they're smug" and DP snapped "well maybe it's about time you were aware of how you come across to others, there is nothing wrong with sitting at the table for a meal".
He was obviously implying that the kids had been dragged up and so I snapped and said he looked like a total dork in his "dinner wear" and he should stop thinking he was something wasn't. DS burst out laughing and DP snapped back "well if I'm a dork, you're a fishwife". DS again burst out laughing and I laughed along, it was quite funny. The dork and the fishwife. DP however sulked that it wasn't funny and he was just trying to be civilised "for once". For a laugh I agreed with him and asked DS to pass the caviare so DS flicked a load of mash at DP. It went all down his suit and I did tell him off and said he'd gone too far but DP was furious and stormed upstairs saying we were all beyond help.

AIBU to think that despite DS being naughty, the whole thing was caused by DP?

OP posts:
wordfactory · 07/06/2012 12:55

The thing is OP when you come from a backgropund where all these things - eating together, making polite conversation, table manners, board gamnes are not the norm, they do feel odd to begin with.

But trust me it is a better way to live. With or without your DP.

Your DS is going to eat and stay with friends and they are going to expect good manners.

Roseformeplease · 07/06/2012 12:55

Sorry, but eating at the table rather than on the sofa or the floor is the basis of a good family life. My husband hates board games (or any games) so would balk at that being introduced to family life, but we do things together, as a family and I think your DP was just trying to start that. What is wrong with trying hard? If you had put on a new dress for dinner and made an effort and he laughed at you while a child threw food, how would you feel? Also, drawing on the walls FFS? How cruel you are and what kind of mixed message are you sending when agreeing to his experiment and then totally undermining him?

I still can't get over the fact that you object to eating at a table. Why is eating at a table trying to be something you're not? It is a table, not a banquetting hall!!

SugarBatty · 07/06/2012 12:55

Doesn't matter who us right or wrong, by undermining your dp in front of your dc it has already failed. They will never respect him unless they see you respect him. Postpone the move whilst you think properly about if he is right for you and your kids.

Start eating at the table except once a week as a tv dinner treat night.

Teach your ds some manners.

Good luck.

manicbmc · 07/06/2012 12:56

From the last thread, a lot of MN posters were saying it would not work and to run. You say you've sorted that aspect out. I still think you are not right for each other in any way, shape or form. Your values are completely different for a start.

I really feel sorry for your dp now. He seems to have a constant stream of women either controlling him or laughing at him.

Ephiny · 07/06/2012 12:56

You eat off the floor? Confused You think trousers and a shirt is an abnormal way for a man to dress? Smiling or trying to start a conversation is ridiculous or 'dorky'?

I don't know the history here, and it's quite possible he's not a nice person etc. But putting that aside for a moment, maybe have a think about whether he might have a point. These don't seem like great habits or attitudes that you're passing on to your children.

bejeezusWC · 07/06/2012 12:57

OPs DS drew a picture of a man on the toilet...on the bathroom wall Shock whilst it was bare and waiting to be decorated Shock

whats wrong with you all?

thenightsky · 07/06/2012 12:58

I can't get past the idea that serving dinner on the floor is normal Confused

Do you sit cross-legged or do you lie on your tummies and lap it up like cats/dogs?

bejeezusWC · 07/06/2012 12:58

have this thread moved into relationships

everlong · 07/06/2012 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 07/06/2012 12:59

From the sounds of it (bird of prey sanctuary) the dp is hardly going to be the right person to inculcate manners into the children either.

Imo board games and table manners and polite conversation are all very good things- but you are never going to model good manners to children by keeping in a setup where the two adult partners neither like or respect each others; no amount of elegant fork wielding will compensate for the bad example that is setting.

There are all sorts of ways of being ill mannered, but the way the OP and her dp are around each other seems a particularly bad one.

bejeezusWC · 07/06/2012 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

manicbmc · 07/06/2012 12:59

Depends, if that was at the OP's house or the dp's really. If the latter, shows a total lack of respect.

bumperella · 07/06/2012 13:00

Surely you and your DP should be a team?
Allowing your DS to laugh at your DP when he'd (DS) started being rude is appalling. But then appearing to side with your DS...??

Teaching your children life skills is part of being a parent. Eating meals with appropriate manners and having a conversation are basic life skills.

Spending time talking as a family is important. Of course the conversation will be stilted at first, it's a new thing.

I don't know what the back-story is, but from jsut the post above I honestly think your DP is really trying to do the right thing and you need to support him in that.

HeathRobinson · 07/06/2012 13:00

Poor dp.

AnnieArsehole · 07/06/2012 13:01

And who the hell uses the term 'dork' ?

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 13:01

No I'm keeping my house for 6 months incase it doesn't work out.

I don't want to drip feed but I'm coming off worse than I deserve here. He does LOTS of stupid things and then makes out he's perfect. Getting a £200 loan from "quickquid" for no reason inparticular is one example.

OP posts:
apachepony · 07/06/2012 13:01

YABU. And to be honest it does sound like you' ve dragged your dc up. What age is your ds that he draws on walls, considers eating at a table geeky, and throws mash at people? I feel really sorry for your dp, tbh, you have no respect and laugh with your dc at him, he should be running for the hills!

ClaireBunting · 07/06/2012 13:01

What is wrong with eating at the table and having family time together?

Hullygully · 07/06/2012 13:01

Owls can be terribly emotive.

suzikettles · 07/06/2012 13:01

You clearly don't like him very much. Why on earth would you move in with him?

Seriously, I'm completely baffled - it feels like you could come up eith an endless list of ways that he's irritated you. Its hardly likely to get better.

manicbmc · 07/06/2012 13:02

Why the hell are you even considering moving in with him then fgs!?

Hullygully · 07/06/2012 13:02

YOU DESPISE HIM

WHY DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WITH HIM?

squoosh · 07/06/2012 13:02

Maybe you need to make a pro/con list. Cold but useful.

CharlieBitMe · 07/06/2012 13:02

The shitting man picture was drawn on my all, not DPs

OP posts:
bejeezusWC · 07/06/2012 13:02

charlie do NOT be bashed into thinking you are at fault here....

move this into relationships

Swipe left for the next trending thread