to ask you all (especially fellow red-heads) what the hell i should do about this orange bridesmaid dress?

[mumofbumblebea]

cousin getting married. was asked to be bridesmaid about a year and a half ago and i was chuffed (love a bit of wedding fever). at the time the bride said "don't worry, i won't make you wear bright orange or pink or anything like that". fast forward a year and a half later and the bride has chosen orange bridesmaid dresses. now the other bridesmaids are all darker and thinner and taller than me and the dresses look beautiful on them. tried mine on as well at the weekend and i look like a bloody carrot. i said at the time (without wanting to upset the bride) that it wasn't a colour i would normally wear and i was a bit worried that it didn't suit me. she and the other bridesmaids insisted i looked lovely and apparently it won't clash as much if i have my hair in a bun . took a few pictures to see if it looked any better on camera and it looked even worse. have shown other people the pictures and everyones reaction so far has been "oh bloody hell". i'm going to have to pay £130 for this dress that looks hideous. we haven't paid for the dresses yet, am i unreasonable to give her a call tonight and explain that i really don't like the dress even though i know she loves them?
if IABU, any advice on how i can get away with wearing this dress?

My sister tried to get her bridesmaids in gold. I objected strongly (not sure about the other 3) but it wouldn't have suited any of us, you need to have a decent tan to carry off gold as a dress colour, I believe and we were all pretty pasty! In the end she caved in (helped that her DH was having strong issues about wearing gold waistcoat and cravat as well) and had half of us in peach and the other half in burgundy. We picked which we preferred in terms of what suited us better.

Wish I had been brave enough to decline, one particular time, when the MOH dress did not suit me, nor could I afford it. I am glad you are not forcing yourself to go through with this.
I never heard it is insulting to decline. If the mother chooses to be insulted, that is her prerogative. The gracious thing for her to do would be to offer to pay for your outfit, luckily for you, you seem to have been saved from that awkward situation!
IF they decide they will pay for your traffic cone outfit, perhaps try and adjust your foundation the day, maybe wear make up primer to change your skin tone at least on your face and neck, so your colour will appear better?

The following info is from www.cbn.com/family/marriage/jej_bridesmaids.aspx
"You can safely decline without guilt under the following circumstances:
You cannot afford the bridesmaid regalia (dress, shoes, the visit to the salon, etc.)"

Paying for your own bridesmaid dress??? I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, shoes, hair, jewellery & handbag. . And made sure they were all comfortable & happy in the dress. I would've been mortified if I thought one of my bridesmaids was unhappy! Since she clearly doesn't give a toss about how you feel (and the fact that she'd making you pay for a dress you don't like!) I'd tactfully 'remind' her of the conversation you had when she stated she wouldn't put you in orange, give her a chance to rectify the situation & if she still won't budge then bow out of being a bridesmaid & spend £130 on a lovely outfit to the wedding that suits you! Good luck

Just saw the link. .holy fuck that's hideous!! Are you sure the other bridesmaids actually like it???? Maybe they're only being polite? If you all got together & said you didn't like it that could swing it?

It's not actually that dress though chubby - just that colour (which is bad enough!!)

OP, is there any chance that you will be uninvited from the wedding if you don't play ball? How much would that matter to you?

Well done Op. I am still traumatised after having to wear a silky orange bridesmaid dress and a hat like a swimming cap with huge orange flowers on it (t'was in the '70's). This thread has brought all those memories back .

There is nothing wrong with orange per se, it's just it is an incredibly difficult colour for most white women to wear. Some can carry it off just about (though it hardly flatters) but for others it will just make them look bloody awful.

I think op does have a say if she is paying for it.If the bride wants people to wear hideous dresses then she should pay for the it

I'm all for agreeing with dying your hair, maybe blonde, so the red won't show and you won't look like a carrot.
Yeah, who in hell asks their bridemaids, who I must say it's an honour to be, to pay for their own dress.

Even if they get a collective say so, it can be hard to reach anything more than a reluctant compromise with so many different colourings/sizes to consider, so I think unless the BMs are given reasonably free rein to pick any individual dress of their choosing (perhaps within a limited co-ordinating colour palette that the bride has requested) then they should never be expected to pay.

I would not expect anyone who was told they needed to hire a morning suit to pay for it themselves either. It's either a matter of personal choice or it comes out of the general wedding budget.

Well, now don't get pushed about by her mum! She pays for it, you will grudgingly wear it. She doesn't, you won't.

If she's coming round on Friday just make sure you hide the car - the problems you had stated mean it is not drivable and would be in the garage!

Why's her mother coming round? to guilt trip or bully you? In your shoes, I'd text back "There's nothing to discuss. I can't afford it"

broken record. "I can't afford it. I can't afford it. I can't afford it."

and, of course, when she attempts to delve into your finances "That's personal, I am not disclosing my finances to you. Accept that I am telling you that I cannot afford it."

You are going to have to start chanting it over and over and over so that you can remain firm on the issue

What if they offer to pay? They might..

I was bridesmaid for a friend last year. She chose..... YELLOW, FUCK OFF PRIMARY BRIGHT FUCKING YELLOW!

I'm very very pale with reddish blonde hair. So it could be worse!

I looked like a big Skittle. Other bridemaids were tall, dark and willowy. It wa like a group of pretty grown ups had taken a demented toddler out for the day with them.

I drank a lot.

O god I had pale blue for my bridesmaids. I though it was lovely. Although we did pay for the dresses.

Oh goodness! Just read the thread... I had two redheaded bridesmaids and I'm a strawberry blonde so we all put our heads together and found a spectacular gold warp/kingfisher blue weft silk which suited all of us, ditto a pattern. Only thing I was sad about was not buying enough material for me to have a dress in it too!

But bright orange... good for you for saying not on your nelly. It does suit a few redheads if skintone is suitable but no means all. I could get away with it as I've green eyes and lighter hair but I think my bridesmaids would have hanged, drawn and quartered me if I'd have suggested it!

Teal is a good colour as it suits pretty much every hair and skin colour and especially redheads. Pity your cousin doesn't realise this... I started off with this but when my brunette friend had to drop out (emigrated to Australia, pah, what an excuse) we realised we could up the shade to kingfisher.

I wouldn't have asked my bridesmaids to pay for the dresses either, though we did discuss accessories and they were both happy to pay for earrings that matched (I bought necklaces as their presents) and knew they'd wear again.

I think that your cousin should simply have discussed things with all the bridesmaids and settled on something all could wear.

How did it go with the Mum?

Or hasn´t that happened yet?

If the dresses aren´t ordered yet-how happy are the others with the colour?

Maybe they´d like to choose?

Oh my, just marking my place so I don't miss the result. I am in Christchurch NZ, frankly in my mind the bridesmaids will all just look like they are wearing high visibilty vests. Shocking.

Surely, surely, it's protocol for the bride to pay for the bridesmaids' dresses? And what on earth is she doing, saying, "I won't make you wear orange" and then, er, making you wear orange?

I have only been a bridesmaid once. The bride was too cheapskate to pay for a new dress so she made me wear one that she'd worn when she was a bridesmaid. It was pink and frilly and truly truly hideous.

Fingers crossed MoB isnt on MN

As a ginger I was mortified when a few years back for a close friend I was put in a Claret red bridesmaid dress. I sucked it up for her big day but begged to be allowed to have my hair up to keep the red as far from the ginger as possible. I was denied and had to hair my hair down . I looked like a GM tomato & carrot squished together.

Any updates OP?

If the mother starts on the protocol of backing out of being a BM - well I'd have to discuss the etiquette of paying for the dress.

I agree with a that-especially as the bmaids are expected to pay more-but have had no say!

I would remind her of her original promise, and then say that if she insists that's what she wants you to wear, then she can pay for it. £130 for a dress that makes you look like a root vegetable and you will never wear again? Sorry but nope, I couldn't do it.