to ask you all (especially fellow red-heads) what the hell i should do about this orange bridesmaid dress?

[mumofbumblebea]

cousin getting married. was asked to be bridesmaid about a year and a half ago and i was chuffed (love a bit of wedding fever). at the time the bride said "don't worry, i won't make you wear bright orange or pink or anything like that". fast forward a year and a half later and the bride has chosen orange bridesmaid dresses. now the other bridesmaids are all darker and thinner and taller than me and the dresses look beautiful on them. tried mine on as well at the weekend and i look like a bloody carrot. i said at the time (without wanting to upset the bride) that it wasn't a colour i would normally wear and i was a bit worried that it didn't suit me. she and the other bridesmaids insisted i looked lovely and apparently it won't clash as much if i have my hair in a bun . took a few pictures to see if it looked any better on camera and it looked even worse. have shown other people the pictures and everyones reaction so far has been "oh bloody hell". i'm going to have to pay £130 for this dress that looks hideous. we haven't paid for the dresses yet, am i unreasonable to give her a call tonight and explain that i really don't like the dress even though i know she loves them?
if IABU, any advice on how i can get away with wearing this dress?

But she hasn't chosen a dress that she thinks will suit all her bridesmaids!
If you look at the OP, the bride said "don't worry, i won't make you wear bright orange or pink or anything like that"!

stepout i'm only making a fuss on mumsnet though. i'm not making a fuss to her i'm telling her i can't afford to do it. i haven't made a big deal out of the dress itself (although i don't like it) for the reason that i don't want to offend her.
i paid for my bridesmaids dresses and let them choose. i wouldn't choose for them.

It's wrong, just plain wrong, to choose clothes for someone that they have to wear on your wedding day and expect them to pay. You can't do that to people. The woman can't afford the wedding she wants and is looking for subsidies. That's what it comes down to.

Fuck, that's ORANGE!

Having a mother with ginger hair, bright ginger, a grandad with strawberry blonde / light ginger hair, and my DS3 with ginger hair, I think it's safe to say that orange does NOT suit any shade of ginger.

WHY would you ask someone ginger to be your BM, agree that orange wouldn't suit her and that the dresses wouldn't be orange, ignore that and then order orange dresses, and furthermore, expect the BM to pay over half the costs if a dress that will be no more use than dishrags afterwards?!

Fess up, did you sleep with her husband to be?!

cardymow i'm afraid not, i'm just not that exciting!

Great thread! I honestly think if you're pushed then be honest (ish!)

Go down the "when I tried the dress on I looked awful in it/ I don't want to ruin your wedding by feeling really self concious/ I want to celebrate with you and be happy, not feeling upset and unsociable because i feel so unattractive/ I've always been careful about what I wear as some things really clash/ didn't want to upset you so I lied and said it was the car" route!!!

(The "ish" bit means you don't need to come right out and say "the dress is bloody horrific, you have no taste whatsoever and I wouldn't wear it if I was paid 3 billion quid")

If she doesn't go for that, then come right out and say it - what do you lose? a cousin who'd make you pay £130 to spend a day looking like a carrot = no loss!

I'm going to disagree with CardyMow - my DD has very vibrant red hair and really suits orange.
But I agree with the rest of the post why why why!
Just wear the dress - however hideous it looks - it's just one day and it's not your wedding photos.

I think the more important point is the money rather than the look of the dress. Bridesmaids dresses are often awful; I think it is part of the deal. But having to pay for the dress with no control of the price is the unreasonable bit.
I think it is an honour to be chosen as a bridesmaid. It is a pain to do, but that person is saying that you are one of the significant women in her life. Tell her and her mohter that you love her dearly, want her to have a perfect day but you just do not have that kind of money.
The fact that the dress is totally hideous is in fact irrelevant.

Got it! A sudden conversion and a burka! Sorted! ( just don't slip up and become a Hare Krishna )

an orange burkha -problem solved

Orange burka? Pure genius of the kind that can only be found on mumsnet, but not if the nuptials are taking place in France or Belgium

I'd go with the Hara Krishna look. Saffron robes over the orange organza monstrosity and skip down the aisle after the bridezilla chanting and ringing those little bell gizmos.

Or join the Sally Army and wear the uniform complete with bonnet over your auburn locks?

With the aid of velcro, you could make some adjustments to the Sally Army uniform and entertain the guests with a striptease routine at the reception - maybe even pop out of the cake. Or should that be at the stag night?

On a roll here... I do so love a fraught good wedding.

That would work too izz The OP could brain Bridezilla with her tamborine if she got arsey about her commands not being followed ...

Orange & blue were my wedding colours, the bridesmaids wore blue! I thougth about an orange wedding dress, but wouldn't have asked anyone else to wear it. And we adjusted the orange to mostly be peach, really just in flowers we had orange/peach.
This thread is very droll :).

This bridezilla is in dire need of braining dizzy... who the fuck charges the bridesmaids for godawful dresses they'll only wear once?

Where I come from the bride pays for the bridesmaids' full attire (dress, shoes, wraps/shrugs, headwear, etc) and gifts them with a memorable piece of jewellery in honour of the occasion.

@ izz Sounds much more reasonable!

I don't mind looking bizarre if someone else is paying ( I had to turn out in full Maid Marion drag once, including wimple ) but expecting anyone to cough up a fortune for some vile creation just to suit your bonkers colour scheme is totally delusional!

Stop Press!

DS1 ( woken up by cat wars under his window ) has just pointed out the clinching argument against dressing people as giant carrots ... Just sit the bride down in front of Wallace And Gromit And The Were-Rabbit and let her absorb the horrible fate of Lady Tottleigh ...

I adore the smell of orange blossom; I love the scent of oranges and the taste of fresh orange juice. I keep a bowl of fresh oranges on my kitchen table and the sight never fails to cheer me up but... orange is my least favourite colour and I'd only consider dressing bridesmaids in it if sleasyJet was picking up the tab for the whole show and the honeymoon.

I think it's VU of the bride to say she'll pay £100 towards it and then choose a £230 dress! I think she's probably chosen orange as a theme without considering all the bridesmaids' colourings but if it's a theme she's unlikely to be willing to dress you in a different col

I think it's VU of the bride to say she'll pay £100 towards it and then choose a £230 dress! I think she's probably chosen orange as a theme without considering all the bridesmaids' colourings but if it's a theme she's unlikely to be willing to dress you in a different colour.

Personally, if she's a really dear friend I'd suck it up and wear it, and then 'spill a drink' on the dress and get changed out of it as soon as the photos are done. I'd then eBay the dress. If she's someone less close that you can risk a falling-out with, I'd tell her thar you're not happy with either the colour or the cost.

OMG, I am ginger and thought I looked ok in orange till reading this.

That shade of orange would make anyone with milky skin and red(dish) hair look terrible!
I can wear certain shades of orange, but not that one - they need to be on the rusty side, or muted - definitely not the Tango shade.

And frankly, it's no honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid and then expected to stump up more than I'd normally pay for a dress in a shade that's so godawfully bad for me - so if your aunt thinks it's so great, she can wear the bloody thing instead!

You stick to your guns - I can't believe your cousin went running to Mummy and now Mummy is going to come over to "talk some sense into you" - bloody ridiculous behaviour, way too bridezillaish and motherofthebridezillaish - leave them to it.

It would have been slightly different if she'd been paying for the dress and outfit outright - but under the circs, keep telling her to stuff it.

Right. Just be straight with her. Say 'actually I am fairly insulted myself. It is pretty bad manners to expect your BMs to pay for their own outfits and it is doubly insulting when they have not been give any say whatsoever in what they will wear. If it was one of these modern informal arrangements where the BMs all wear loosely co-ordinating cocktail gowns or evening dresses OF THEIR CHOICE then I could justify paying for something I might wear again. But I will not pay money I cannot really afford just to look like Gollum dressed as a giant carrot. OK? If she wants me to wear something I will look vile in I will do it for her, but she must pay. End of discussion. If she prefers to let me drop out I am fine with that.'

My sister wore an orange silk dress for her reception (she had a very low key civil service) and looked wonderful, but the only other orange was bow ties for the small grandchildren (I don't think she had any formal bridesmaids). I was bridesmaid for my big sister in a unflattering pale blue, but she did apologise, explain that she'd chosen the colour for her older friends who it looked lovely on, and more importantly made and paid for the dress (and I was 16 and didn't really care).