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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say well done to my super nephew...

259 replies

Theglassishalffull · 05/06/2012 19:13

My 10year old nephew had new splints fitted. The man who fit them was not his normal one, so when he came to fit them my nephew said to him"I think that they need to be cut more."
To which the fitter replied "Well I have had 24 years experience doing this so I do know what I am doing."
My nephew then turned to him and said " Well I have had 10 years experience at being disabled so I know what I am talking about.
I thought that was brilliant.

OP posts:
Toughasoldboots · 05/06/2012 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuickLookBusy · 05/06/2012 23:23

The thread kicked off because of some posters lack of empathy for a ten year old boy, who was not being listened to, despite him very politely stating his splints weren't fitting correctly.

cory · 05/06/2012 23:24

Actually the more I think about it, the more I think the nephew made a valid point. He pointed out that he has a type of experience that is as valid as the fitter's: the experience of actually wearing these splints and knowing what they feel like. He wasn't disrespecting the man's competence as a fitter, just pointing out that he has experience of another kind.

The number of times I have heard doctors talking in my children's hearing of what it feels like to be a disabled child, or what it feels like to be wheelchair bound, or how the other children of the school will react to their disability- and I've been sitting there thinking "well, why on earth don't you ask the person who knows, instead of telling them?"

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 23:29

Yes fair enough youarekidding but my point is, that people on this thread will still agree the child was just sticking up for himself and commend him... and others will agree he was cheeky and not commend him.

But that's life and parenting...we all have different 'limits' and comfort zones when it comes to what we consider acceptable or cheeky from a child.

But ultimately, this child in the OP isn't going to affect anyone's life here...that's why I don't get the 'outrage' on both sides.

If he grows up into a polite well rounded young man or if he grows up into an arrogant, mouthy young man...it's not going to affect anyone here.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 05/06/2012 23:31

Forehead you appear to be resorting to being patronizing.
Most of us spend years being level headed and biting our tongues in the face of extreme provocation.
Sometimes we break out and become unreasonable just long enough to get someone to pull their head out of their arse and listen.

These situations are not hypothetical, they happen to us. We dont have to imagine what we might do if faced with a rude, dismissive professional. We know.
It is draining and embarrassing to 'lose it'. Sometimes it is the only thing to be done.
FWIW I have an almost unhealthy reverence for the medical profession and it is my fervent wish that one of my boys will become a doctor.
My four year old will already answer 'what do you want to be when you grow up' with 'a peadiatric oncologist'.
I have high hopes for the two year old. I am thinking neurology for his specialism.

Things are not as black and white as many posters seem to think they are.

glass I am glad you posted about your DN. He sound great and I am sure he is nowhere near being a brat. i cant quite believe that anyone would even use that word against a ten year old boy they have never met.

This thread has reminded me of just how little people understand what it is like for children with disablities/serious conditions and their parents.
I am glad they dont have to know but I wish they would at least try and understand.

The posters that have just dropped in to say 'what a brat' should be ashamed of themselves.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 23:31

The thread kicked off because of some posters lack of empathy for a ten year old boy, who was not being listened to, despite him very politely stating his splints weren't fitting correctly

I disagree

I think it kicked off because the OP wanted to say "Well done to my super nephew" for such a great response and some people agreed it was great and some others disagreed.

Such is AIBU/forum life.

nutellaontoast · 05/06/2012 23:31

The OP didn't actually respond much until one poster called her nephew a "spoiled brat". I was personally more shocked at the person who said he was behaving like an asshole.

You feel he could have been more tactful? He was cheeky? Well, that's arguable, but fine. It's using words like "brat" and "asshole" to describe an assertive 10 year old are what kicked off the thread though, not that the OP didn't get the desired response, or that it was a measured discussion about parenting styles.

crappypatty · 05/06/2012 23:32

The child was being assertive not rude.

trixymalixy · 05/06/2012 23:34

Well done your nephew. I think he gave a very quick witted response and was not rude.

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 23:36

You're right nutella...the 'asshole' post was bang out of order.

Anyone who called him a spoilt brat was out of order too imo

But anyone saying they think he 'sounds' like a spoilt brat or that he 'behaved' like one in their opinion...well that's their take on it.

Either way, if I was the boy's Mum I'd be worrying that at the age of 10 these little 'comebacks' can sound adorable...but he's going to be a teenager in 3yrs and my god they lose the 'cute' look then. That's when 'adorable' really can turn into cheeky little bugger Wink

ThatVikRinA22 · 05/06/2012 23:37

i would be interested to know a little more OP - did his retort get him the desired effect?
was the fitter being rude to him, or simply reassuring him that he had the required level of experience to fit the splints with competence?

in what context did your nephew say this?

if the fitter was being rude in the first instance then it sounds warranted.

if not, then he was being a smart arse. anyone can be a smart arse, whether disabled or not, my own son is classed as disabled. it doesnt stop him from being a smart arse at times either.

sometimes, he has a point.
sometimes, not.

pictish · 05/06/2012 23:39

My mum was wheelchair bound and endured all sorts of taxing and gruelling procedures in her time. I can well imagine my mum responding like that if her cage was rattled, or she felt diminished by anyone.
But then, it has to be said...my mum was a chippy cah.

thebody · 05/06/2012 23:45

Worra when you or your child are disabled bring a ' cheeky brat' is the least of your worries.

We off to bed now as off to spinal unit Tom to visit a 13 year old who is paralysed, my dds mate from the crash.

If you could speak to and hear her and her parents experiences or our battles with the BRITISH not French medical authorities you would quickly realise that polite, measured, cooperative and submissive attitude to them leads to injury neglect and ignoring of needs.

Again I am a qualified nurse.

youarekidding · 05/06/2012 23:47

yes worra you have a point about how the OP's DN reacted not affecting any of us.

However many of us have, or have children who have been in similar situations - I think people like us just can't believe there are still adults out there who will ignore a childs POV on the basis they are a child.

I guess we continue to advocate for our own children even when it isn't about them this time.

Original poster
Theglassishalffull · 05/06/2012 23:47

The fitter responded with his comment after my nephew politely saying they were not right. To which my nephew made a retort. It was mid way through consolation. Then splints were not right. I opened a right can of worms here that was not my intention.

OP posts:
nutellaontoast · 05/06/2012 23:49

Wrong board really, not that it's your fault glass.

youarekidding · 05/06/2012 23:49

thebody Please don't feel the need to answer but was your DD in the coach crash in France this Feb after the school skiing trip. That made me cry when I saw it on the news. Sad

WorraLiberty · 05/06/2012 23:51

thebody your post is exactly the sort of post I was referring to earlier when I said that I think some people are having trouble separating the cheeky/not cheeky comeback from children with disabilities.

No-one wants a child (or anyone) to have to suffer that sort of thing

But going purely on the OP's Nephew's comeback, some people think it's brilliant and some think it's cheeky.

sayjay · 05/06/2012 23:52

However, children who are put in difficult and extraordinary circumstances should not be expected to always behave the same way as children who have ordinary lives

This is it in a nutshell for me. The wise mrsdevere hits the nail on the head as usual.

Rudeness is about context.

In this situation it would be rude to wade in with "I've been wearing splints 10 years and these need cutting!". He asked politely, then refused to be patronised.

I want to know if the expert fitter adjusted them? ;)

Original poster
Theglassishalffull · 05/06/2012 23:52

Nuttella I can see that not :o

OP posts:
Original poster
Theglassishalffull · 05/06/2012 23:52

now

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 05/06/2012 23:53

well in that case glass i should say it was appropriate. If he retorted in response to being dismissed then good for him.

cory · 05/06/2012 23:58

It's a balance, isn't it?

You have to weigh the risks that they will grow up into a cheeky 13yo against the risks that they will suffer physical and emotional damage if they cannot force people to listen to them.

And possibly the risks for the wider society of having health professionals who have never been confronted with the fact that children are able to think and experience things for themselves.

WorraLiberty · 06/06/2012 00:04

Yes I think that's probably it cory

thebody · 06/06/2012 00:09

Youarekidding yes she was.

Worra I never disagree with your posts but in this I am so obviously able to understand that the ops nephew needs to speak up for himself and that children with disabilities have to grow up quickly and be assertive or be ignored.

It's sad but true.

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