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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse my 9yr old a FB acc,even though her 9yr old friends have one?

215 replies

FreeBirdsFlying · 04/06/2012 22:29

There seems to be a lot of bitchiness going on,on them and to be frank,don't want my daughter to participate.

OP posts:
Original poster
FreeBirdsFlying · 05/06/2012 22:06

Thank you everyone for your replies. Its really concreted in my mind now that I am right to refuse one. DD plays the pop girl games and thats about it.

OP posts:
PiggyPlumPie · 05/06/2012 22:22

My DD (13) has had an account since her birthday - but she knows that I have her password and I randomly check what she is up to. She was virtually the last in her year to get it.

Her headteacher would love to see FB gone forever and he has had no end of trouble caused by it, much of the abuse has been escalated by parents effing and jeffing at kids friends etc.

She also knows that any nonsense and it's gone.

Stick to your guns!

sarahseashell · 05/06/2012 22:27

YANBU

TheUnsinkableTitanic · 05/06/2012 23:14

could school be your friend with this one OP

primary schools have been very vocal recently about under 13's having accounts - has your school an opinion (not that you should need to use school in this way, but i only have under 6 DC and whatever school says is the law :) )

janelikesjam · 06/06/2012 00:02

My son can have a facebook account when he leaves home.

My house, my rules Grin

ravenAK · 06/06/2012 00:10

No, YANBU, you should be supervising her internet access at this age, & if you aren't happy about FB, that's an end of it.

Be aware, though, that it takes 5 minutes to set an account up - so once she does have any amount of unsupervised computer time (or smartphone), you might want to consider talking to her about using FB sensibly, or there's every chance she'll quietly get on there without your say-so.

You don't need to worry about this too much whilst she's just using the family PC under close supervision though!

thatisall · 06/06/2012 00:53

I have noticed that some of my Facebook friends have allowed their 10-11 year old children to have a Facebook account. My dd is 9 and won't be getting one until she is in year 11 high school.

Before that I don't think they are old enough to grasp the permanence of the things we post online. Those status', those images belong to us until the moment we click update, after that we have no control over them. in any other situation a minor wouldn't be able to make such a commitment!!

valiumredhead · 06/06/2012 08:33

My 11 year old doesn't have one and won't be allowed one until he leaves home

usualsuspect · 06/06/2012 08:39

Do you really think that your teenagers won't set up an account you don't know about?

usualsuspect · 06/06/2012 08:40

Rather one I know about than a secret one

valiumredhead · 06/06/2012 08:45

Well, he doesn't have a phone with internet access and won't even when he is a teen and he has a lap top that we have complete access to and is only allowed to use downstairs in the front room so it's not against all realms of possibilities.

usualsuspect · 06/06/2012 08:47

I would rather mine knew how to keep themselves safe on the internet tbh

Hulababy · 06/06/2012 08:48

My DD is 10y and as yet she doesn't have one. To be honest though, only one or two of her friends do anyway - and they have older siblings.

I don't actually have a problem with FB per se. I use it quite happily. But I just don't think DD needs to yet. She has email and through school she has google apps which she uses to chat with friends (done via email, but can do multiple reader type things). And she has Bump on her iTouch for chatting too, as well as access to simple chat features through Moshi Monsters still. She also used Shutterfly to set up her own website (password protected) to share photographs with friends.

valiumredhead · 06/06/2012 08:50

You can still do that and not be on FB usual Grin

Hulababy · 06/06/2012 08:50

usualsuspect - I have a similar thought re internet safety. i don't have lots of security and controls on DD's computer. I prefer to teach her how to use the proper internet safely instead and teach her what to do and how to react if she comes across something she doesn't like, etc.

Trioofprinces · 06/06/2012 08:50

YANBU OP, I have had this with my now 11yo. I didn't let him have one. In fact I went further and reported a few of his classmates as underage (when they were about 9).

I think the pressure on young kids to have things like Facebook and play call of Duty 18 type games is such a shame, why can't they just be kids? :-(

valiumredhead · 06/06/2012 08:52

My issue with FB isn't safety as such - I just think it makes you an easy target for low level bullying at school. Plenty of kids aren't on it, you don't have to be on it, it's not law Wink

usualsuspect · 06/06/2012 08:53

IMO the ones that are banned from FB etc and set up secret accounts are the ones most likely to get into trouble on it.

Hulababy · 06/06/2012 08:53

Teens will have unsupervised access to the internet in many places if they want to get to it. Hence the need to teach internet safety not just barring it.

usualsuspect · 06/06/2012 08:55

You don't have to be on it,but it's a social thing for many teenagers

valiumredhead · 06/06/2012 08:56

There are plenty of other ways to be social - email,x box etc, which ds has access to. We will re assess when he is older - he's only just turned 11.

Hulababy · 06/06/2012 08:57

usualsuspect - I agree and the research out there would agree with you also We went to a very interesting talk about internet safety at DD's school last year. I went as was interested, come from an IT teaching background so was interested from that side mainly. And yes - statistics show that most teens do have FB and that there are many teens out there who have parents who do not think they have FB accounts. It is very easy for teens to set up accounts and use them without their parents having any idea whatsoever.

I also think it is a good idea that parents have a good idea of what these sites are like and how they work. I try to keep up to date with regards to social networking and what is around, within reason. I don't use all of the social network sites but try to be aware of them. I do use FB and Twitter myself but that is it. I think I'd rather know what they are, how they work, how to sort out security, etc than not - at least I can then teach my own DD about it when the time comes. Many of the parents at the talk had no idea wht the sites were like and how to use them.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 06/06/2012 08:57

My dd told me when she was 12 that all her friends had Facebook.
I looked at her friends accounts, there were 6 or 7 12 year old girls with make up, short skirts and low cut tops, that were members of a FB group hotspices

Basically the object of the group was to post the sexiest pic and random people would vote on the hottest

They were 12.

Dd is 14 now and has had a FB account for the last 6 months.
She has the highest privacy settings on, and she understands that if she wants a FB account she has to accept I will have the password and I will check it whenever I want to.

9 seems so young to be involved with FB, every one is in such a hurry to grow up but IMHO 9 year old lack the emotional maturity needed to have FB, or any social networking accounts.

valiumredhead · 06/06/2012 08:59

9 seems so young to be involved with FB, every one is in such a hurry to grow up but IMHO 9 year old lack the emotional maturity needed to have FB, or any social networking accounts.

agree completely.

boredandrestless · 06/06/2012 09:10

YANBU

and I would be reporting the underage friend's accounts too