Was I unreasonable here.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I was going to name change for this but don't think it is necessery. Anyway here goes.

My DP, me and our DS1 live in quite a nice area. We are on first name terms with the three neighbours to the left of us and are quite friendly you know the sort of thing popping in for a cuppa, and neighbourhoog get togethers as well as lists of contact number and spare keys to one anothers homes.

Anyway to the right hand side there are how do I put this delicately?? a couple of properties where the famliy's/tenants are less then salubrious police visits are numerous and their genral behaviour is frightful for example their children seem to think it is more than acceptable to trespass on private property by climbing over the wrought iron work and playing chase across the four front gardens.

So today my DP and his father popped out for an hour whilst I stayed in with our DS1 whist he napped. Anway the door bell went and as bold as brass a member of the family to the right had the audacity to knock on the scrounge. We had just had a delivery of baby related items a new supply of nappies and formula you know the sort of thing. She stood on the doorstep and asked if I had some spare baby formula and nappies as they were sort this week. I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them. Ha what a nerve I think she has that very wrong and how we would help the people to the left (which I would as they put their famlies and children first).

The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky

under normal circumstances not an issue but if you can not afford to look after your child then some if not all the above are not needed, and surely any parent would put their child first before luxury items.

Was I unreasonable to turn her down based on the above grounds or should I have helped?

Thanks xx

You could nip round to borrow a fag

OP, I would have said no too. If you had said yes she would have knocked again and again and again for more stuff she's short of.

I remember when we first arrived in this country, my sister's neighbour sat with her kids and decided what they would have for dinner, then they all headed off to knock on their neighbours doors for the ingredients for the dinner they had decided on! WTF?!

Why would the neighbor be round all the time?

Is everyone so quick to think that because the op cast doubt on this families lifestyle, that it is actually the case and they don't give a fuck about their children as long as they have fags, that they think it's ok to ask people to feed the baby?

Is there any evidence of this?

Have no nice parents ever been in an emergency where they had to ask a favour?

Just because you got a delivery does not mean you have any spare. When i buy things i buy enough for me and my child not the neighbours.

Id have jus apologised and said no i dont have any to spare and closed the door.

OP, I would have said no too. If you had said yes she would have knocked again and again and again for more stuff she's short of. On what evidence to you base this on? This is the first time the neighbour has came to her door. Id be interested to know how long they have been neighbours? What about her other neighbours, who often pop in for a cuppa, are they scroungers too then since they have been to her door numerous times.

Have no nice parents ever been in an emergency where they had to ask a favour? me :) And i have sky, a mobile, broadband, go out some weekends, a dog or two, a cat etc etc but sometimes unexpected shit comes up. Luckily i dont live next door to op!

*I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them.*

She had bare faced front, that's how I came to my conclusion.

I love this thread.
|Now I am in a dilema.
During the weekend I attended a good friend's bbq.
The sun came out and her friend's daughter had very pink cheeks.
I offered her my suncream, which she thanked me for and accepted.
Now I don't know this woman. She is younger than me and quite possibly owns a mobile phone and possibly a flat screen tv! The host also offered her some of the cava that I had provided and even though she was drinking tea for the majority of the day she accepted some of my cava!!!!!!

How on earth do I put a stop to this. I don't want people making a habit of accepting my generosity.
Advice welcome.

Ps I have no idea whether this woman would be classed as living to the left or to the right of me. Clearly she does not live on my street.

Tittytittyhanghang, your Q about the neighbours coming over for coffee is facetious.

Me, a neighbour comes over once, the first time ever, no evidence to suggest this is going to be daily thing, she is branded a scrounger.

Op has said that other neighbours pop round regularly. Were they branded scroungers the first time they came round? Why not?

im presuming that at some point all the ops neighbours were strangers to her before she became friendly with them.

Titty- so if you had a toddler and your neighbour had a small baby why would you go over to them and ask for formula and nappies?

I guess we will have to wait for the OP to return to answer, but I'm surmising that the coffee drinking neighbours did not come over to scrounge something off the OP on their first visit but were invited in for a coffee when they first went round.

I'm taking notes of the people I'm glad I don't live next door to! Some people have no shame. We've all been in tight spots in life, not all of us beg off our neighbours though.

Me, personally no, but i live next to my mum so not a problem. But the Op isn't doing the asking. I wonder how hard up the neighbour was to have to go the op whom she probably knows looks down her nose at her to ask for a handout.

But had a neighbour come to me for nappies and formula I have not and would not turn them away. Fags, Money, Alcohol, yes, they'd be told politely I have none, but nappies and formula, especially if I had some, I wouldn't have to even have to think about, would handing over a couple of nappies and enough formula for a couple of bottles really plunge the op over the edge?

Me and my neighbours borrow off each other all the time.

I only have neighbours to the left though.

"she has clearly been eyeballing my delivery and the timing of the opportunistic begging would piss me off".........the delivery was Saturday, the request on Monday. Hardly hot on the heels of the courrier.

My (lovely) neighbour sends her children to borrow things - eggs, sugar etc - frequently.

I also agree that some people have been very bullying towards the OP and some posters seem to have a very bitter attitude towards anyone who has a bit of money.

If they had read the whole thread they would have seen that it was not just a few nappies that were requested but a whole pack.

I also think people have made assumptions that there is a poor baby suffering because the OP wouldn't lend next door some nappies. It could be that the neighbour just didn't want the inconvenience of going to the shops but did so as they couldn't borrow any from next door. Or it could be that the neighbour wanted to spend the money on something else and so tried to get the nappies for free but then had to buy nappies when the OP didn't lend them to her. The baby was probably fine.

Also the welfare of the baby is ultimately down to the parents of that child. Whilst it's nice to help out if you can surely you can't say that the responsibility for the baby not having a nappy lies with the OP? Surely it is the fault of the parents if they can't provide food/nappies for their child? Also shouldn't their first port of call be their family and friends rather than someone they don't know?

Maybe there was no one else to ask?
Maybe they were desperate and knowing the op had a baby, thought she would help out?

When did they ask for a whole pack of nappies, that's not in the first post?

And when did we become such judgmental, lacking in compassion and uncaring society?

My neighbour (on the right) asked to borrow a pint of milk this morning as she had forgotten it last night and didn't really want to get 3 DCs ready and go to the shop before breakfast.

I very much doubt she will be knocking on my door every 5 mins now for favors.

All this because a neighbour asked the OP to help out with a few nappies and some formula?
Why would any neighbour refuse such a mild request.
OP, you clearly don't like those particular neighbours, but she might have been stuck for any number of reasons, and it was for a baby FFS.
You, and others on this thread sound so mean spirited.
One day I hope you'll be caught out in a difficult situation whether at home, on holiday etc.
And I hope you receive the kindness of strangers.
It might make you realise that small gestures like this make the world a better and kinder place.

Excellent post AngelicStar and spot on on all counts.

At first I thought YWNBU because if you say yes they might come to rely on the fact that they can always sponge off rely on you. But then as someone pointed out it is bank holiday and potentially they had the money but not the open shop required to buy their own, so YWBU IMO

You know what, I would rather be a bully and bitter than have an attitude like the OPs.

At least I would help a neighbour out,no matter what their bloody financial circumstances were.

I agree with you usual.

On the front of our other neighbours we do have tea/coffee with one another on a regular basis. It is not scrounging when you invite a person over as we all do , also we a thing were eah house makes a complete meal when somebody new moves in so that people do not have cook on that first night.

The nappies and formula are expensive for any family and ours is no exception whilst we buy in bulk and do have a good nest egg it is still money and has to come out of our budgets.

The issue of their children playing in our front garden has been resolved as the police have had a word the last time they were here (yesterday). It was explained to said fmaily that we could have them arrested parents not children for tresspass. We wouldn't s it is not worth it but they do not know that.

When we go anywhere with our DS I always take double the usual amount of everything just in case.

I am a little annoyed that people are questioning what I would do if my DP left. That in my mind is mean spirited why would he leave over this. When I told him about the request he was as angry as me. Also the point about the money being DP's is not fair as we both earn the same and have savings from before we were a couple.

The family in question in the OP have never bothered with us beofre this instance other than what has been stated. I'm sure under other circumstances things would have played out differently.

xx