Was I unreasonable here.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I was going to name change for this but don't think it is necessery. Anyway here goes.

My DP, me and our DS1 live in quite a nice area. We are on first name terms with the three neighbours to the left of us and are quite friendly you know the sort of thing popping in for a cuppa, and neighbourhoog get togethers as well as lists of contact number and spare keys to one anothers homes.

Anyway to the right hand side there are how do I put this delicately?? a couple of properties where the famliy's/tenants are less then salubrious police visits are numerous and their genral behaviour is frightful for example their children seem to think it is more than acceptable to trespass on private property by climbing over the wrought iron work and playing chase across the four front gardens.

So today my DP and his father popped out for an hour whilst I stayed in with our DS1 whist he napped. Anway the door bell went and as bold as brass a member of the family to the right had the audacity to knock on the scrounge. We had just had a delivery of baby related items a new supply of nappies and formula you know the sort of thing. She stood on the doorstep and asked if I had some spare baby formula and nappies as they were sort this week. I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them. Ha what a nerve I think she has that very wrong and how we would help the people to the left (which I would as they put their famlies and children first).

The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky

under normal circumstances not an issue but if you can not afford to look after your child then some if not all the above are not needed, and surely any parent would put their child first before luxury items.

Was I unreasonable to turn her down based on the above grounds or should I have helped?

Thanks xx

Some troll hunters can be wrong.

It's not allowed for a reason - MNHQ is confusing the issue by letting things stand.

JambalayaCodfishPie think it's just too early/might not even have been reported

Were some of you reading the same information I was?

OP- YANBU. Especially as their youngest child is considerable older than yours and would not fit into the nappies or necessarily need the formula.

I did not realise the OP is a local charity , the people on here making personal comments about the OP's character are discusting we dont even know her

Oh so i see the real problem some posters have is that the OP appears to be wealthy and posh, pathetic. Even if she was a troll, some of the posters on this thread are bullys. How embarassing that some of you claim to be grown women with children uurgh!!!

I do feel for you OP

I think you just let yourself in for this with the way you worded your posting. It did come across as class biased.

Whilst I'm all for having favourite neighbours (!!) I wouldn't deny baby products to anyone. If a stranger knocked on my door needing a nappy or 2 and/or formula, I would oblige

I think it would have been a good opportunity to make amends with your other neighbours and maybe they would have behaved more respectively to you in the future

If they don't have a baby, I would have given it anyway. I had a friend who gave formula follow on to her 2 year old!! Some people are just weird

I can see what you mean but think phrased badly and no one should deny children food and dry bums

The point the OP seemed to make in the original post as tht she was suprised they asked her for these items when they could afford luxurys, when things like nappies and mlk are a priority. Plus she does not even know them.

I find the personal insulting sad and unnecessary

I think that some mumsnet posters seem to criticise OP for her stereotyping and yet then lump her in to a generic pot

It's hard being a mum whoever we are. Or is that just me?!

I really think it's all a bit silly

I don't have sky

I DID have sky, I still have a sky box and a satellite dish

So YABU on even the sky front

OP you were quite right not to give away things to this family.
personal insults and revolting language add nothing to the thread. ignore the idiots OP

"The point the OP seemed to make in the original post as tht she was suprised they asked her for these items when they could afford luxurys, when things like nappies and mlk are a priority. Plus she does not even know them."

Thindercat the further drip feed point by OP was that the nappies and formula could not possibly be for them personally as their child is a toddler. So OPs point about them affording 'luxuries' but not formula / nappies is moot.

So OP rejected their request based on them having Sky, fags, booze and phones, but the request wasnt even for them . That'll learn the poor baby for forgetting to buy its own formula and nappies

The point the OP was making is that she would only help out people like her.

The reason it is slightly unbelievable to me is that I cannot imagine anyone not giving someone a few nappies for a baby, if they were asking for cash, fair enough but nappies??

The fact the op made a huge point of saying what terrible people her neighbors were was quite frankly IMO irrelevant, it's nothing to do with the baby is it?

The op made a point of making herself sound superior, and making these people sound like scum, I'm quite sure she doesn't have access to the family bank statements and receipts do any possibly know what they spend their money on and to assume they just don't bother to buy nappies but have sky tv, alcohol etc is a massive assumption which clearly is unverified.

I GENUINLEY do not know any parent that would not give a baby a few nappies whether they like the parent or not and to try and justify saying no by painting these people as scum of the earth is no defense IMO.

I honestly find it hard to believe.

I'm guessing that part of you does feel unreasonable otherwise ... why post? Not that I think you should or anything - it is up to you who you give your stuff to at the end of the day.

Incidentally, if you did (think you were unreasonable) ... it isn't too late. You could always pop round and offer, explaining that they caught you at a bad moment earlier on. I agree that it might herald the start of a better relationship with the neighbours on the right. That can't be a bad thing can it?

ok, have just read the op and cba to plough through 16 pages so if I have missed anything vital I apologise.

YABU. Despite the face that they seem to have luxuries, your neighbour asked for some nappies and formula. NAPPIES and FORMULA. For a baby id imagine. So they are probably short this week. And instead of showing what a non judgemental kind neighbourly person you are, you instead chose the route of denying a baby some nappies and formula. This could have been your chance to get on slightly better with these neighbours. Since this is the first time I dont see how you can call it scrounging. Do you call it scrounging when the neighbours you do get on with ask for things? How'd you know that she wouldn't repay you back when she gets some money?

Yes, they maybe are the 'chav' type where no one works and have every gadget going under the sun. But you are willing to see a baby without a few nappies and formula because their lifestyle offends you? What does that make you?

Also, would like to mention that I have some lots of luxury items but have still on the rare occasion found myself short for whatever reason, luckily I have friends and family that are kind and helpful, as I am to them.

Hi, just a reminder about our Talk Guidelines, especially the bit about Troll Hunting.

If you do have any suspicions about a specific poster on any thread, please do report it to us and refrain from discussing it on the thread, as this can be upsetting for genuine posters. We have had a number of reports about the OP, but we have no reason to believe this poster is anything other than genuine.

Some of the bullies on this thread have left me with a worse taste in my mouth than the OP.

Blimey, I'm only up to page four and it's got boring and predictable now. However, if this were me I would be really cross because:

a) she has clearly been eyeballing my delivery and the timing of the opportunistic begging would piss me off
b) she lets her children climb on my nice railings and run across my front garden and does nothing to stop them
c) the police at the house regularly, so someone inside is probably not very nice, and they'll be harshing my mellow. Ruining my idyll. Dragging the neighbourhood down.

d) she doesn't even have a baby.
e) she clearly does not prioritise her spending sensibly, to put her children first if she (genuinely) always has cigarettes and booze.
f) if I help her she might want to be my friend and she doesn't sound my type. Which could get awkward.

I couldn't give a stuff about flat screen TVs or mobile phones or goats. surely we all have those these days?

However, if I thought there was a baby in serious need of such basic essentials then I would help her out. How could I not?

I would give them to her, then in a couple of months time knock and see if she returns the favour, just out of interest.