Was I unreasonable here.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I was going to name change for this but don't think it is necessery. Anyway here goes.

My DP, me and our DS1 live in quite a nice area. We are on first name terms with the three neighbours to the left of us and are quite friendly you know the sort of thing popping in for a cuppa, and neighbourhoog get togethers as well as lists of contact number and spare keys to one anothers homes.

Anyway to the right hand side there are how do I put this delicately?? a couple of properties where the famliy's/tenants are less then salubrious police visits are numerous and their genral behaviour is frightful for example their children seem to think it is more than acceptable to trespass on private property by climbing over the wrought iron work and playing chase across the four front gardens.

So today my DP and his father popped out for an hour whilst I stayed in with our DS1 whist he napped. Anway the door bell went and as bold as brass a member of the family to the right had the audacity to knock on the scrounge. We had just had a delivery of baby related items a new supply of nappies and formula you know the sort of thing. She stood on the doorstep and asked if I had some spare baby formula and nappies as they were sort this week. I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them. Ha what a nerve I think she has that very wrong and how we would help the people to the left (which I would as they put their famlies and children first).

The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky

under normal circumstances not an issue but if you can not afford to look after your child then some if not all the above are not needed, and surely any parent would put their child first before luxury items.

Was I unreasonable to turn her down based on the above grounds or should I have helped?

Thanks xx

Yummy, I might have been sympathetic to the idea of unfriendly neighbours on the scrounge, but you seem to have added SO many unnecessary details to your posts in this thread, that I am afraid you do come across and precious and snobbish. And mean.

*The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky*

Who asks for a spare pack of nappies though? If you were caught short, you might ask for a couple to see you through until you got to the shops, but asking for a pack, is more likely to be someone chancing their arm, having seen the delivery arrive.

Everyone is very keen not to be judgemental, but some people should be judged. If they are skanky, take the piss neighbours, the odds are that they are taking the piss now. What are the odds of running out of both formula and nappies at the same time?

OAM2009 my decision was not based on their class etc but the fact they are very rude to us in general

Bit of movement since your OP.

"Our nanny next year"
Oh come on..my dabber pen is nearly out of ink.

Op in view of the fact that you say she asked for a whole pack of nappies and didnt offer to pay you back at all then i definitely think you were not being unrasonable. This was not someone in distress who wnted a few nappies to see her through the night but someone who was clearly on the scrounge. A pack of nappies is not cheap and i dont think you are under any obligation to give them to someone who has been actively rude to you.

they have a nanny and live in the vicinity of smokers with sky tv???

swoons.

Portofino I am generous to people I know and trust hence the fact we keep things in for friends and in case of an emergancy at home. Before people point out about asking for things they never ask I just do it as they are friends.

karmabeliever I do think that they would take the you know what once I said yes. As you say to ask for an entire pack is a bit much.

everlong I didn't say anything untrue about the people in question and I don't think I was rude about them, what have I said that is horrid?

ilovesooty I think I mis posted my thoughts as I was quite angry and feeling quite poorly at the time she knocked and wanted to be left alone with my DS being asleep. Perhaps I could have handled things better.

xx

yummy, I understand that. BUT, at the same time, it's for a baby. If anything, you know that milk and nappies can ONLY be used for a baby and has no resale value. I was a mug for passing on hard-earned CASH! But the guilt that a baby may be left hungry was something I couldn't deal with (even if I knew deep down that I may have been taken for a mug)...

Again I would reiterate that it might have benefitted everyone all around if you had given a couple of nappies and enough milk for a few feeds. I don't think it would have stretched you that much financially, surely?

ilovesooty I think I mis posted my thoughts as I was quite angry and feeling quite poorly at the time she knocked and wanted to be left alone with my DS being asleep. Perhaps I could have handled things better

Roughly translated as you got a pasting for your original reasons so you've shifted ground to get a bit more affirmation

Still waiting for my goat somebody :o

i want a goat.

saw pygmy goats for sale for £100 the other day....started a thread actually but found out that they are classed as livestock and you cant really keep them in your back garden...

Facejacker sometimes people who want to take advantage of someone else start off by asking for something quite innocuous ie nappies and then the requests get larger and havind said yes once it is harder to say no!

It could just be that if they managed to scrounge nappies and formula from the OP, they would be free to spend their money on something else. They probably are not leaving their baby short of nappies and formula, just trying to sucker someone else in to paying for them, if possible.

HobnobsAreMyFave it is the best child care option for us. What is a dabber pen?

everlong I wouldn't consider myself a Yummy Mummy although the ladies at clinic and NCT have mentioned I fit the criteria.

angelicstar my thoughts exactly as you say nappies are not cheap although buying in bulk (a month at a time) does reduce this.

facejacker I think I was taken back when she knocked it wouldn't have stretched us financially at all. Perhaps if she had caught me in a better mood then things may have been different, but I am terrible when I'm ill.

VicarInaTutuTue we don't have a nanny at the moment but we will when I go back to work part time next year.

xx

angelic, you are right. Sometimes. But as a once-off (and firmly state a once-off)? For a neighbour who you have to live with?

I guess each to their own, and I'm a lot more wary if I ever do anything like I did in the past, but I think the OP did a little disservice here. And it's weird, I started off thinking she wasn't being unreasonable AT ALL, but the fact she says she has spare milk and nappies for her friends (meaning she's not destitute!) therefore may be able to give a MINIMUM amount away. We're talking a couple of nappies!

angelicstar thats what I thought a friend of ours was taken for a ride a while ago by a neighbour. It started with bread and milk and by the end of it they were asking for money.

What is a dabber pen?

It's what the common people use to play bingo.

yummy, I understand, I can be a total bitch when ill and fatigued. I'm just confused cos on the one hand you seem to be implying you'd do the same thing again, and on the other you would've done things differently if you hadn't been ill and short-tempered.

I don't know which is true (and really none of my business), I'm just trying to give you a little food for thought. It might be good be able to get on with all your neighbours (and not just the lefties!). You never know when you in turn might need them (remarkable as it may sound)..

I was away for the day today, with 3 daughters at the beach. Some woman came over and asked for a squirt of my daughters' suncream (it was surprisingly warmer than it looked). I obliged - because who the feck wouldn't want to help a baby even if it wasn't your next door neighbours And guess what there was a shop open selling suncream and she was wearing way nicer clothes than me, so am sure she could afford to buy a bottle!

PS I have borrowed nappies off a stranger before, completely forgot my bag on the way to Asda.