Was I unreasonable here.

[Yummymummyyobe1]

I was going to name change for this but don't think it is necessery. Anyway here goes.

My DP, me and our DS1 live in quite a nice area. We are on first name terms with the three neighbours to the left of us and are quite friendly you know the sort of thing popping in for a cuppa, and neighbourhoog get togethers as well as lists of contact number and spare keys to one anothers homes.

Anyway to the right hand side there are how do I put this delicately?? a couple of properties where the famliy's/tenants are less then salubrious police visits are numerous and their genral behaviour is frightful for example their children seem to think it is more than acceptable to trespass on private property by climbing over the wrought iron work and playing chase across the four front gardens.

So today my DP and his father popped out for an hour whilst I stayed in with our DS1 whist he napped. Anway the door bell went and as bold as brass a member of the family to the right had the audacity to knock on the scrounge. We had just had a delivery of baby related items a new supply of nappies and formula you know the sort of thing. She stood on the doorstep and asked if I had some spare baby formula and nappies as they were sort this week. I politely said we didn't (a small white lie a know) anyway after this she stood there and asked if I was sure, as we have a small baby ourselves. At this my blood began to boil a little as no should mean no and not a chance to negotiate.

Anyway after storming down our front path and slamming the gate closed I overheard her say something about people like them. Ha what a nerve I think she has that very wrong and how we would help the people to the left (which I would as they put their famlies and children first).

The reason I said no are as follows:

1. They all have mobile phones
2. Most of them smoke
3. They always have a drink in their hand
4. Have Sky

under normal circumstances not an issue but if you can not afford to look after your child then some if not all the above are not needed, and surely any parent would put their child first before luxury items.

Was I unreasonable to turn her down based on the above grounds or should I have helped?

Thanks xx

OP you've missed the bit about them having an SBT that licked your childs face and now has a taste of flesh

I think I would have helped and given her a few nappies and and some formula but I can understand why the op was annoyed. Let's be honest here, we've all run out of things at times but in my opinion to run out of formula and nappies at the same time is down to crap parenting/organising. Let's also be honest and say at times we all feel pissed off when we work so hard and watch scroungers getting benefits left right and centre. Anyone who says they haven't felt like this is not telling the truth IMO.

I don't feel like that

But cheese the Op has already said her neighbours don't even have a baby, so it could have been for a visiting baby.

Plus, the OP hasn'#t said her neighbours are on benefits, just that they are 'less than salubrious'...

Scroungers? Don't forget the post upthread that branded the woman a potential burglar as well.

See what you have done now Op, that wasn't intentional was it?

You know, to get the benefit bashers knickers in a knot

I don't know why threads on here always end up this way!

OP, YANBU imo. I live next to some very dodgy people too. Screaming rows in the middle of the night, kids very badly behaved (lay down in the middle of the st when cars are trying to get past etc) and they have a toddler. I often see them smoking through the window.

That said, I may have just offered a bit of milk and a nappy. You are right in saying they had no right to ask you for things, because they didnt! But it was the woman who was rude, not her baby. But again, you give these people an inch, they'll take a mile.

So YANBU for being angry, YABU for not giving milk.

"these people"

"I often see them smoking through the window" - so what?

these people

God. Sorry. Smoke, drink and watch Sky telly, I'm sure none of us on here have ever done any of those things

I think I might be a 'these people'

cheeseandbiscuits - I am on benefits. So I am a scrounger? How nice. I don't have any kids. I do hope you aren't claiming CB because that is a benefit too.

OP - I do hope their landlord is getting the maximum under the new LHA rules for rent. Or if they have been there for more than 3 years, LHA doesn't apply. He could be milking it OP!!!!!

Is the baby a criminal? Has it done time in baby booking with Naymond and Bodie? If not then you are punishing the child because of the parents or actually acquaintances 'crimes'. Shame on you OP. You with your nappy company and courierred formula. Who has formula courierred? "Quick I need formula STAT!!"

Oops, was breastfeeding and typing and seemed to have forgotten my apostrophes- maybe the OP could lend me some. I'm a teacher, do I qualify? xx

everlong I can see what you mean about first impressions and how they can be wrong. However thus far they have done nothing to prove me wrong.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease it just annoyed me because they would not have knocked if my DP had been here and thought I would be a soft touch.

LoopyLoopsCorgiPoops I personally have never used that phrase as it is insulting.

yellowraincoat my arguement on those items wasn't that they have them it was that as a parent surely luxuries should not be to the depriment of their child. As a new parent I would gladly give up anything for my DS.

thecook I'm not sure how much the landlord charges for the property but it must be worth his while.

usualsuspect it was never the intention to cause trouble with this thread I just needed to vent a little.

kittyandthefontanelles I now realise that perhaps I was a little rash in my decision and did not have all the facts at my disposal when I refused. We have items couried as it is far easier to have them on reorder each month (they arrive a week before we are due to run out).

xx

OP I understand you being perturbed by being asked for things that are expensive and that you have worked hard for, by people who hadn't until then even given you the time of day.

Whilst it is understandable that your first instinct was to be cross, it's great that you have accepted that it would have been better and kinder to give them the benefit of the doubt and provide some milk and nappies over the bank holiday.

BUT those who started making stupid comments about benefit bashing are out of order. You haven't even mentioned benefits, just that your neighbours have the cash and organisation to stock up on fags, Sky TV and booze but not, apparently, on baby milk and nappies. Why the heck shouldn't they be judged and condemned for that?....mind you, even so it would be better to help out with the baby milk and nappies as an act of charity TO THE BABY. (Then report to social services if it became regular).

i myself also think that people ought to put their children first, and when weighing up whether you can afford nappies or cigs then there should be no contest.

what i object to is the snobbery shown on this thread, the outrageous statements about sky tv and drinking and "these people"

im a police officer - i have sky tv and i like a glass of wine - does that make me one of "these people"?

i see in the course of my work that there is most definitely an "underclass" in the uk - but do i sneer and look down on "these people"? no i dont. i support where i can. sometimes that means locking horns with some, but ultimately who am i to judge? thats not my place and not my job.

in the OPs position i would have not let the baby suffer. perhaps she could do that child some good and if she believes that they are putting their smoking and drinking before the welfare of their baby she could do something real about it and phone social services or the NSPCC instead of point scoring on here and talking about "these people".

personally, i think the people who do that are worse. the curtain twitchers who know everything about everyone but wont put their money where their mouth is and then stand solemnly when the shit hits the fan making comments about how they knew all about it...

if they cannot care for their child then do something about it OP.

The Op didn't mention benefits, but others did.

Have you read the thread?

DefeatedHouseElf thank you I should have been a little more charitable over the bank holiday. I will remember this in future.

VicarInaTutu I do not object to people having the things but just not if it is at the cost of their children. If I suspect that this is a regular thing then I would raise it with the appropriate people, but as it is the first instance then I have no real cause to. This does not make me a bad person just one who has been protected against things.

usualsuspect thanks again. Although I didn't mention it is the case that they are on benefits, but this did not factor into my decision.

xx

I wonder if you could go round and said you had a look and foudn you had a few to spare - mayb e explian you have een ill ut that you wanted to help?

I have a pondering if I may......how come people who come on MN to have a pop at someone 'less than salubrious' always seem to know they have Sky TV and are on benefits? I mean Im assuming the OPs havent ever popped round to watch a bit of Sky Movies and compare the thousands they swindle out of the system with them so how do they know?