not to want to buy BIL a new house?

[MoneyGrowsOnTrees]

Am a regular but have namechanged as my other posts would make me quite identifiable while the below is quite sensitive.

In a nutshell, AIBU to want to stay out of the financial arrangements for buying BIL a new house? Background is that BIL has a house, but has jacked in previous job and taken a new one about 2 hours' drive from where his existing house is, but near where PILs live. New job has started and he has moved in with the PILs. Plan is for him to buy a new house in the new location, but the existing house is not yet sold and realistically it will be three months or more before that happens. BIL is not the easiest person to live with (massive understatement), so current living arrangements are not sustainable.

MIL has seen a house that she considers perfect for BIL and is very keen to buy it, but, the PILs being elderly, it is difficult for them to raise a mortgage. BIL will have some money once his current house sells, but there is no saying when or how much that will be. BIL and PILs are not good at communicating, so at the moment there is a lot of stress and they are basically no longer talking to each other.

DH would like to avoid his family "imploding" and so would like to suggest that we take on the mortgage for BIL, on the understanding that BIL or PILs finance the repayments and that we fall out of the arrangements in 2-3 years' time.

I am very wary of all this as BIL has a very checquered financial history and I can see that we would be stuck with a mortgage on an unsaleable property in a part of the country not many people want to live in. Plus, BIL does not look after anything he owns, so any investment would be likely to depreciate rather than at least hold its value.

Also, if DH and I take on a second mortgage for this, it will mean we cannot move house (which we might want to do) and potentially could even affect our ability to provide for our children in the way in which we would like (and have been working hard for). However, DH does not see how we can avoid offering to help, given we both have good jobs and given that, one way or the other, we will have to provide for BIL (and/or PILs) when this all goes wrong.

I am also annoyed/concerned that nobody is talking openly to anyone about this, so, for example, nobody has had the courage to suggest to BIL that he cuts his coat according to his cloth (you know, not trying to buy a multi-bedroom house that he cannot afford and frankly does not need, given he is on his own) or that, for example, he rents somewhere while waiting for the existing house to sell. I can see that this would continue going forward.

AIBU to want to stay out of it all? And if IANBU, any suggestions as to how to achieve this diplomatically?

I am sure it is more complicated than this, but I can't understand why a new house for your BIL is the responsibility of anybody but your BIL to fund. Why can't he rent in new location until house sells, then buy?

Put the BIL down and move away slowly. You'd be mad to get involved. Say he needs to get financial advice and leave it at that. It'll be your marriage imploding next!

NO NO NO NO
no chance that this can end well.
tell your husband that this will end badly and that it will end up runining your financial stability.

Now way should you do it. He has history of being unreliable.

He is an adult and it is up to him to sort out his living arrangements and the sale of his current house.

Just tell your dp that you do not want the added burden in the current financial climate as it could leave your family very out of pocket should it all go wrong.

Yanbu.

You could offer to lend your bil a deposit for renting if he needs it.. I really don't see why it hasn't occurred to anyone that he rent until his own place sells. Don't get involved in a mortgage or similar, this man is an adult.

I don't see why either you or your dp are getting involved to be honest. I can see nothing but problems if you do. Surely it's down to your bil to sort out his living arrangements and if the pil's are finding him tricky then it's down to them to tell him to move out. All this business about funding him a house is ridiculous.

Only read to the bit where your dh suggested you take on bils payments.. Yanbu at all ever. Buying a new house is his responsibility no one roses. He should have thought about this before leaving his job.

NO DONT DO IT-Buying a house for anyone other than yourself is a recipe for disaster!!!
It is his responsibility and not yours, if it is so important why cant he rent somewhere whilst his other home is on the market.

Do not take the risk

Does BIL have some sort of special need you haven't mentioned?

If not, why on earth can't he sort himself out?

Don't do it.

No no no no no and no.

This would be a disaster. As for how you avoid it, tell your DH there is no way you'll sign the papers and you'll formally object to the mortgage company if he tries to get one without you as you feel it will endanger your joint asset.

I don't understand this, unless you are from a culture/background where everyone is supposed to live together as adults.

To me, it just looks as though BIL should rent a place until his own house sells. Fair enough for you and PILs to stump up some help with the rent if BIL cannot afford it. But to tie you down to a major financial commitment with someone who is financially useless sounds like a really bad deal for you.

Can he part exchange his old place for a new place? I know this means you lose a lot of money, but you'd lose that renting for a couple of years in any event.

Blimey, no - no way. Sounds like an utter disaster waiting to happen. Leave BIL to it, he's a big boy now.

You owe your husband an ultimatum over this one. You/he'd be bloody crazy to get involved. Dear god, what a stupid idea.

Good god no!

Would your DH be able to finance this crazy plan on his own and pay his share of the mortgage/bills/food etc for your own family or is he basing his ability to buy your BIL a house on the fact that both he and you have good jobs?

Because if it's the latter you know the answer, don't you? "Sure darling, go ahead. The only thing is sweetheart, once you've paid into our joint account for the bills and our mortgage you only have (say) £100pm left. Can you really buy a house for £100 per month?"

And then wait for the penny to drop.

Really? There is someone somewhere who thinks that this is a reasonable plan? wow.

Run a fucking mile.

Please don't do this. You will end up in a massive family fallout and quite apart from that there's every chance that the bank will not allow you to take your names off the mortgage unless BIL has a very solid job. And that is just one of the many many reasons why this will go wrong.

Even if he were able to fund a mortgage himself, he would be better advised to rent first and take his time looking for somewhere to buy.

He may not like the new job and want to move on. He needs time to get to know the new locality. Can you suggest he rents his house out and rents another in the new area to test the water?

If its not working out him staying with your PILs they need to tell him. No way should you be committing to a mortgage on his behalf.

Good lord no! Tell your DH he's not to compromise his family's financial security just because BIL can't get organised. If BIL can't sell his house, why can't he rent out his current property and then rent again near his Parents? If he doesn't want to do this, why can't PILs just throw him out and expect him as a grown adult to sort out renting a property?

It's not your PILs or your DH's responsibilty to put a roof over BIL's head. It's BILs, tell your DH to stop enabling him to be a manchild and make him sort himself out.

What a mad idea.

He should just rent until his money comes through from his house sale.

I really don't understand why you would do this for a grown man.

In a Denzil Washington movie the CIA expert tells him that he had a choice - lose big or lose very big (or words to that effect).

There is no happy ending here. Your DH's family will either implode OR it will implode and financially you will be pulled down.

Of course YANBU to want to stay well clear of this, you know and your DH knows it is a disaster waiting to happen, it could easily go wrong in so many ways.

How to get out of it tactfully? Lie? Can you and DH put your heads together and come up with something? I don't know - that you have some kind of blip on your credit history or the bank won't let you as they'd consider you over stretched?

Basically a white lie now will cause less of a problem than the financial fallout you will suffer if you go ahead with this!

Get a quote from a solicitor for drawing up the horredously complicated document you need to ensure that what you describe in oP is what happens. This will be WELL over a thousand pounds I think (could be several thou), judging by how much my DB had to pay for us to lend only a small amount in a similar situation. Solicitor's advice was NOT TO LEND TO FAMILY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES and DB is whinging about how much the fees were, not gratitiude for the loan (which I now regret getting embroiled in), so solicitor was right.

What about letting BIL face up to the consequences of his own actions for once? Long-term you'd be doing him a far bigger favour than by paying his mortgage.