not to want to buy BIL a new house?

[MoneyGrowsOnTrees]

Am a regular but have namechanged as my other posts would make me quite identifiable while the below is quite sensitive.

In a nutshell, AIBU to want to stay out of the financial arrangements for buying BIL a new house? Background is that BIL has a house, but has jacked in previous job and taken a new one about 2 hours' drive from where his existing house is, but near where PILs live. New job has started and he has moved in with the PILs. Plan is for him to buy a new house in the new location, but the existing house is not yet sold and realistically it will be three months or more before that happens. BIL is not the easiest person to live with (massive understatement), so current living arrangements are not sustainable.

MIL has seen a house that she considers perfect for BIL and is very keen to buy it, but, the PILs being elderly, it is difficult for them to raise a mortgage. BIL will have some money once his current house sells, but there is no saying when or how much that will be. BIL and PILs are not good at communicating, so at the moment there is a lot of stress and they are basically no longer talking to each other.

DH would like to avoid his family "imploding" and so would like to suggest that we take on the mortgage for BIL, on the understanding that BIL or PILs finance the repayments and that we fall out of the arrangements in 2-3 years' time.

I am very wary of all this as BIL has a very checquered financial history and I can see that we would be stuck with a mortgage on an unsaleable property in a part of the country not many people want to live in. Plus, BIL does not look after anything he owns, so any investment would be likely to depreciate rather than at least hold its value.

Also, if DH and I take on a second mortgage for this, it will mean we cannot move house (which we might want to do) and potentially could even affect our ability to provide for our children in the way in which we would like (and have been working hard for). However, DH does not see how we can avoid offering to help, given we both have good jobs and given that, one way or the other, we will have to provide for BIL (and/or PILs) when this all goes wrong.

I am also annoyed/concerned that nobody is talking openly to anyone about this, so, for example, nobody has had the courage to suggest to BIL that he cuts his coat according to his cloth (you know, not trying to buy a multi-bedroom house that he cannot afford and frankly does not need, given he is on his own) or that, for example, he rents somewhere while waiting for the existing house to sell. I can see that this would continue going forward.

AIBU to want to stay out of it all? And if IANBU, any suggestions as to how to achieve this diplomatically?

If you are a gazillionaire then yes, buy him a house.
If you're not and you have to take out a loan then don't even think about it.
If you want to buy the house yourself and rent it out to him then yes, go ahead. But I would never muddle myself up in someone else's finances. He could buy the house off you if he is in the position to one day.

This has got DISASTER written all over it.
If you and your DH already have a mortgage on your existing house, then you will need to get a buy to let mortgage. Which mortgage company will lend on a BTL with a sitting tenant paying no rent ? Also, if no tenancy agreement, how would the mortgage company get vacant possession to sell if you fell into arrears on mortgage ?

Have you checked to see what deposits needed / lending critera for BTL mortgage and would you even qualify ? The mortgage would only be given if you could pay for your own mortgage / outgoings and the mortgage for the second property ? do you have enough monthly income to fund both properties ?
If you do intend to have a tenancy agreement with BIL / PIL paying the ?rent? enough for the mortgage, then you may have tax liability on any ?income? received (plus you will have to have landlord insurance / who would pay for repairs etc ? extra cost).
You will also have CGT on a 2nd home when you come to sell to BIL if it has gone up in value ? leaving YOU with the tax bill not BIL. The property would have to be transferred to BIL and stamp duty paid on the value. What happens if value of property goes down in meantime ? would you be left holding the shortfall ?
What if BIL loses job, decides he doesn?t like it in new area, dies/can?t work due to bad health ? What if he can't get a mortgage in a few years ? What if either you or DH loose your jobs ?
The obvious solution is rent out existing home until it sells and rent somewhere nearer to work.
Don't think I have ever seen a thread where everyone has been in agreement and said YANBU - don't do it OP !

Don't do it.

A good friend of mine entered a similar arrangement with an in-law sibling (trying to be vague here - she is a mnetter) and it the moirtgage didn't get paid and she and her DH got stuck with two mortgages to pay. It was an awful time, they quickly got into a circle of debt and about 4 years later they are still struggling to keep their head above water.

Needless to say the PIL have done nothing to help and the sibling avoids them now but walked away debt free with a clean credit rating.

Don't do it!

I haven't read all the posts but just wanted to say that we helped BIL out of a sticky financial hole a few years back and he now lives in a house owned by DH and pays us rent every month - just the mortgage amount no extra. It has been an absolute nightmare! From late payments (meaning the actual mortgage is being deducted from us before he pays) to arguments regarding other ludicrous purchases including more than one very expensive cars, rather than paying into any kind of saving/insurance account to enable the mortgage to be paid off when the end of the interest only term is up. It has caused nightmares with dh and his family and also with BIL, his long term gf and the rest of us. OK so my BIL might be a particular pita because he earns plenty of money but due to history is unable to get his own mortgage but it has caused untold problems and both dh and I wish we had never got involved because it seems like we will never be free of it without causing major family rifts.

OP have you shown your DH this thread? What was his reaction?

I can't even think why you feel you are obligated to even consider this OP!

Your BIL isn't facing any unsurmountable problems at all. Like many other people relocating for work, he can either sell his existing home or rent it out and rent himself til he makes more permanent plans.

If it is a way to obtain a second property for yourselves with a known tenant, these sort of familial arrangements are more often likely to end acriminously than a properly sourced and drawn up tenancy.

It would also be very bad for your BIL as it will simply reinforce what he seems to have been indulged in all his life - that he is not responsible for the big decisions, including finances and that someone else will always bail him out.

Dreadful idea.

My immeidiate reaction to this is nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have neither your BIL or PIL heard of renting ? its not a new thing and i believe quite alot of people do it .

Don't do it. My much loved DB and DM both have huge problems from having entered into an unwritten contract wrt property and mortgages etc. (being vague about it I know)

I hope in laws come around to your thinking and BIL is told to grow up.

Btw, what's the worst that will happen? BIL will sulk? Get cross?

Huge thanks to everybody: the purchase seems to be off. After showing the thread to DH and discussing it at length he went off and spoke to ILs and it seems that they have now seen sense. Not sure what the plan is (that would require communication), but no house is being bought.

Thanks again!!

Id steer well clear of this. There is no way that id take out a mortgage for anyone. Why cant he jus get on with selling his house and paying for his own house.

If u do decide to do it Id go to a solicitor and get it in writing that he will be paying for the house.

Excellent news! And even better that the ILs have been dissuaded as well. It must be a huge relief! Phew.

Coming to this late and haven't read all the responses, but DO NOT AGREE TO THIS. Your good job is yours, not BIL's, and BIL isn't going to provide for your children or keep the roof over your head.

Tell BIL to get proper professional financial advice and leave it at that. His job, his house, his life, his problem. And unless DH is BIL's father, and BIL is younger than 18, he is not responsible for looking after him.

I sometimes wonder why reply on a thread if you haven't read the responses? Op has given an update, but if you don't read it then you'll keep responding to the original question (and repeating things that have been said several times before).

what the fuck? really?

Ha no.

Oh good. Glad it's sorted sensibly. Let's hope they don't come up with some other bonkers scheme!

Good you spoke up and got this sorted.

Thanks for coming back OP. That saves me alot of pointless mouse clicking everytime a new name appears to see whether or not you have posted.

We can rest easy now

YANBU! For the love of god don't do it.