to hate the term 'full time mother'?

[MammaTJ]

Seriously, this really gets my goat. I work. I have worked most of my childrens lives. I like the work I do and choose to work nights so I don't miss out on things like sports days etc, just miss out on sleep.
This does not make me a part time mother!! I never stop being a mum and putting my kids first for a second!
Also, their dad 'babysitting' while I work. Does that mean I babysit while he is at work?

I love the saying "im not just a mum i am a cook, cleaner, doctor, teacher, discipliner etc"
I find it fits in well on this thread :)

Your always a full time mum whether or not you have a different job aswell or you dont.

SM, I, as a sahm, enable a parent to work - my dh! . I have also saved us rather a lot of money in child care fees.

you're not self employed enabling 5+to return to work
you're not paying individual tax or ni
you're not profit making

am not profit making off to shoot self in head

What's your point? I doesn't mean that what I do has no value or doesn't involve any work.

Not everything is about directly generating income. Sometimes people choose to sah because it minimises loss of income. Or because it suits a couple to divide the labour, so one takes more responsibility for generating income, while the other takes more responsibility for taking care of the dc. That doesn't mean within that division of labour that one role involves real work and the other doesn't.

you and dh negotiated an individual choice,that suits needs familial needs
it's non comparable to a cm who enables many to return to work etc

There isn't a sensible term for a SAHM, since I don't bloody stay at home. I chase all over place shopping, sorting things and taxiing DDs.

FTM is not ideal (as women are more than mothers at any one time), SAHM is archaic and homemaker is boaksome. There just isn't a good term.

I don't have a problem with someone describing me a part-time mother or retend mother (yeah, thanks for that sister up thread). Anyone who actually knows me wouldn't speak like that, which is what matters. Night night.

Name and shame. It was BetterChoicesChair. :)

YANBU as any label is wrong if you don't like it or conform to that ethos. I am a sahm always have been and I like the title full time Mum. Like suburban I hate it when people ask why /if I work. You are no less mother if you work.

I work FT outside the home and it honestly wouldn't bother me if a SAHM described herself as a 'full time mum'. I don't feel defensive about my choices (perhaps because I had no real choice), and I rarely judge others for theirs.

That was a very po-faced response, wasn't it?

asking a healthy adult if they work
is legitimate question, why do you hate it?

Yes, why do people hate being asked if they work? It's as legitimate a conversation-opener as anything else, isn't it? I can see it's offensive if the questioner then glazes over or starts treating you differently when you answer, but not before then.

I've heard people say "I work at BT Monday to Wednesday, then I'm at home the rest of the week." It's clear - why does it need a label?

We're all people, we don't need to pigeon-hole ourselves. Does my colleague need to find a label for herself that describes "childless, divorced, work here part-time and care for my elderly father the rest of the week"? No - she just needs to tell me about herself.

I think that the comparison between a childminder and a SAHM is a useful one. CMs have all sorts of externally-regulated standards to adhere to in order to guarantee a minimum level of service for customers (families - parents and children).

SAHMs do not have to adhere to those externally-regulated standards. There are SAHMs who will be maintaining standards of care for their own children well below the minimum required for a CM. Equally, there will be SAHMs with wildly more ambitious standards of care and upbringing than those of any CM. That is the beauty of being a SAHP: you can bring your DC up as you and your partner think fit and pass on the values and skills that are important to your family, while enabling the other partner to max out on his or her economic contribution to the family. It is little wonder that the most ambitious and successful families often adopt that model - specialisation has always been the most economically efficient way of working.

I really don't think a CM can be equated to being a parent.

A CM provides physical care. Feeding, changing, playing, keeping safe etc. But a parent (including fathers I bloody hope) focusses not on the here and now, but on the future of their DC.

This for me is the vital aspect of parenting as opposed to physical care.

wordfactory - I think parents have to focus on the future (strategy) and the here and now (execution). I also think that you execute your strategy a lot more efficiently when they are tightly aligned and managed ie under the control of the same people!

scottishmummy

if a person does full time volunteer work for a non-profit organisation, are they allowed to say they "work" in your universe?

Because if they are not being paid (no NI contibutions) and are not contributing to profit, they appear to fall outside your ridiculous and inflammatory definition of "work".

PulchritudinousOne - scottishmummy has absolutely no grasp of economics. She gets it all wrong all the time!

Has this got silly yet?

FWIW I totally agree with you. I am always a mother in the same way as I am always a woman, regardless of what else I do with my time.

Scottishmummy-are you pished? your twee patter is even more unintelligable than usual. I am scottish btw but I dont know anyone who speaks like you

Err fortunately I never gave my worded status a seconds thought when I didnt have a job except when I had a form to fill in asking for my occupation and I would put Housewife as I recall.

Now if I had to fill in a form I would put my job title

None of this impacts on the fact I am a mother and have been whether or working or not.

Sorry but to me this is a fuss about nothing

I'm not with my husband at the moment. Does that make me a part time wife? No, didn't think so. So why would not being with DC 24/7 make someone a part-time mother? (yes, being a full-time mother does imply that some other people are only mothers part time).

oh FGS the usual nonsense.

If you are a mother (or indeed a father) you do not stop being a mother or father when you work/ go off to do a hobby/ your kids go to nursery/ school etc

Many mums and dads have a work life in addition to the tasks involved in parenting and running a home.

Nothing judgemental- just plain fact. If people are offended by that, they have a problem.

This thread has got ridiculous - with the post upthread suggesting that most successful families adopt the model of one partner working and one not working , being the peak of ridiculous (so far, that it. Let's wait for it to be topped )

PulchritudinousOne - your argument kind of falls apart if you decide to go full time though doesn't it? You say you will be happy to say 'I'm a part time mother' when you go back to work PT but if you go FT what will you say, 'I'm a no time mother?'.

It's so simple this one. We are all mothers all the time. I just say 'yes I have kids, I work full time' if asked.

I don't have to define myself or accuse myself of not being a mother for 35 hours a week.

Ridiculous.