to hate the term 'full time mother'?

[MammaTJ]

Seriously, this really gets my goat. I work. I have worked most of my childrens lives. I like the work I do and choose to work nights so I don't miss out on things like sports days etc, just miss out on sleep.
This does not make me a part time mother!! I never stop being a mum and putting my kids first for a second!
Also, their dad 'babysitting' while I work. Does that mean I babysit while he is at work?

It is hard to impart skills when you are not present.

There is a very strong example of this in the plurilingual society around me. The ability of WOHPs to impart their minority language mother-tongue is severely curtailed in a way the ability of SAHPs to do so is not.

Hear hear jinsei

'asking a healthy adult if they work
is legitimate question, why do you hate it?'

I don't hate it at all. Doesn't bother me. I don't care what people think of it either. Because I am totally happy with my choice, I have friends who work and that is great for them-choice is a great thing. I do sometimes wonder if they will regret it (because I did with DD1 and know people who do later in life) but people can regret anything-SAH even and assumably they feel different to me as they choose to work and i don't. Not everyone is the same and I am shaped by going through multiple losses leading to re-evaluating what is important to me and that is being with DC and not so bothered about careers. Other people may decide a career is important to them. I don't see why some WOHM's insist SAH are useless though. Only conclusion is that they are deep down insecure with their choice. And they wish all SAHM were at work so that there would be no option other than what they are doing-just in case they are making the wrong choice.

WOW what a judgemental post jellybeans. Why do you assume that WOHM think SAHM are 'useless' ? Why do you think all WOHM want SAHM to work? I think you're mistaken there. I was a SAHM for two years. Since then I have worked. Why does it matter what anyone else does?!

See I find this idea that WOHPs are not present an odd one.

Are all working men not present? Do Bonsoir and Jelly s husbands impart no skills whatsoever on their DC due to working?

My DH works very long hours compared to some and travels with work, but I could write lists and lists of things he has taught the DC. Things I have had little input or interest in. Things that have impacted upon our family in a positive and entirely unexpected (by me) way.

And my Mum who lives 200+ miles away has also had a huge impact upon DC's lives. I'd be lying if I said it was me that got them interested in scrabble or bird watching .

It's not no skills, wordfactory. But many skills require an awful lot of consistency and a high degree of implication. Of course, for some children, it may be for the best if parents don't impart their particular skill set .

I have very strong evidence (years of experience and a large library of well-thumbed books) on the importance of quantity time on transfer of language and thinking skills from parent to child, so I am not going to change my mind in a hurry.

There is a very strong example of this in the plurilingual society around me. The ability of WOHPs to impart their minority language mother-tongue is severely curtailed in a way the ability of SAHPs to do so is not.

My dd has not had any difficulties absorbing her father's minority language - again, depends on the skills and drive of the parents in question. She also acquired a third language from her nanny, which DH and I are also able to speak and have therefore helped her to maintain. WOHPs do spend time with their kids as well, you know.

DH and I both worked FT during dd's early years but split care between us so that dd was with her nanny for about four hours a day, five days a week. We deliberately chose childcare that could complement what we, as parents, were able to give our daughter. In my view, it was a net benefit, and not a loss.

Then well done your DD, Jinsei, because that it is very unusual and difficult to be trilingual and triliterate.

tinkerbel, I said 'I don't see why some WOHM's insist SAH are useless though'. Such as a couple of well known for those ideas posters on this thread and other recent ones. How is that judgemental. Not ALL but SOME.

'Are all working men not present? Do Bonsoir and Jelly s husbands impart no skills whatsoever on their DC due to working?'

My OH works 37 hours a week and spends load of time with DC. He is there at many school events etc. Equal parenting when he is off. On his own also while I do studying/other stuff. So I am not sure why you are including me in this?

She is only literate in two languages at present. Her third (nanny) language is particularly challenging and would require a lot of hard work. We felt that two completely different writing systems were quite enough for a 6 year old, but she is starting to learn the third written language now, because she herself is interested in it.

But trilingualism is actually quite common, particularly among our circle of friends - for families who are internationally mobile, it isn't at all unusual. And bilingualism (including biliteracy) is positively the norm in DH's culture, even for people who don't travel at all.

OMG, another nice thread meant to be tongue in cheek turned into yes you guessed it an argument between wohp/sahp. How boring!!!!!!!!

This thread was never designed to be nice or tongue in cheek. It was designed to make both SAHMs and WOHMs defensive and justify their terminology.

jelly I included your DH only because he had a SAH partner and worked.

Yet as you have adequately expressed, despite working your DH is well able to take an active part in your DC's lives. I am absolutely sure Bonsoir's DP is the same.

I just wonder why we seem to accept that men are able to work and be present in their DC's lives, but women seem to somehow fall off the familial radar.

I have worked for nearly all of my DC's lives, yet I have done every school run, doctor's appointment betc

Sorry pressed too soon.

I have done every school run, attended every doctor's app, ortho app, parents evening, sports day etc.
I provide my DC a home cooked meal each evening and help them with their homework.

They don't have a nanny, a CM or go to after achoolo care or holiday clubs.

It is perfectly possible to do this and work. Women do not need to give themselves over full time to their DC any more than men do. Indeed, I'm not convinced that it's even desirable.

It isn't desirable word - you see the amount of people posting on here about mothers/mils who can't let go of their children...

Can I return? I've done my accountancy homework as suggested by Bonsoir and feel ready to impart that skill set to all and sundry. Good thing the kids are on holiday and I have time off work. They'll be delighted.

It was remedial level, naturally.

'Women do not need to give themselves over full time to their DC any more than men do. Indeed, I'm not convinced that it's even desirable.'

I don't think they have to. I think each family makes a choice who, if any, will cut back on their hours/work depending on that family as an individual.

I don't agree that all monster MIL's are SAHM though! I know several who are/were WOHM's! Surely that is more about selfishness? My older kids are very independant. Not all SAHP are mollycoddlers!

Oh absolutley jelly there is no reason for a woman to be a full time mother be she WOH, WIH, or SAH.

Jinsei - I move in highly international mobile circles and I can assure you that I only know one child of DD's age (7) who speaks four languages, though many speak three.

However, very few of the teenagers I know manage to be monolingual standard in more than two languages. They often speak five languages in total, but three are second languages not first languages.

With regards to 2 languages, it requires very little effort for parents who speak 2 languages to impart these languages to your DC. My DC speak 2 languages but that is because their Dad speaks one (and this is where we lived up to recently) and I speak the other to them. Its hardly an amazing achievement on our part.

[Grin] at Rhondas comment. I almost collapsed laughing at highly international

Ah well, bonsoir, I guess we move in different circles then.