to hate the term 'full time mother'?

[MammaTJ]

Seriously, this really gets my goat. I work. I have worked most of my childrens lives. I like the work I do and choose to work nights so I don't miss out on things like sports days etc, just miss out on sleep.
This does not make me a part time mother!! I never stop being a mum and putting my kids first for a second!
Also, their dad 'babysitting' while I work. Does that mean I babysit while he is at work?

What Newyonker said.

Newyonker, I use sahm, didn't realise it offended. Is there a better term for mothers who do not have paid employment? (genuine q, will start using a better term)
Agree completely about babysitting. I don't even think my parents would like to be described in that way, and if anyone used it to imply dh was doing me a favour id not be impressed

Oh me too, OP. Like I am not a mother when I'm not at work. Grrrrr.

I've posted about this before. It's offensive and not much offends me.

The only place I've had to describe 'what kind of mother I am' is on here, never in the real world.

I'm a SAHM but hate the term full time mother- it does imply that you are only a 'part time' parent if you go out to work, which is obviously rubbish.

Completely agree OP. It's only a phrase, but "full time mum" does irritate me intensely (I have two kids, I work, I am always their mum).

Is there a better alternative to SAHM? (genuine Q)

And of course, no one applies these labels to dads (my husband has never been described as a "working dad", for example)

If someone grrrr sil said "im a full time mother" I would struggle NOT to say "well, im not a part time one. Dont you mean you are a stay-at-home mother?"

Similarly people who say Dh is babysitting make me feel stabby.

YANBU op. we are all mothers, all of the time. Some mothers have paid employment and some don't.

Interesting that 'mothering' apparently means caring for ones own children, whereas 'fathering' commonly means providing some sperm for their conception.

I used to care about labels a bit. Mostly at the transition points between SAHM/WOHM/insert your description of choice. It was the early days in both situations where I was still getting my head around it all. Once settled in, SAHMing or WOHMing, it didn't seem particularly important.

I'm always a mother whether I'm working or not, I do hate when dads say they are 'baby sitting' thankfully dh agrees that only pricks say that.

I work p/t so I'm in neither camp. I think the term full-time mother is fine - they are doing 'job' of mothering full-time whereas whilst I am always a mother, I'm not proactively engaged in mothering on the days I'm sitting on my arse at the office, thinking about how to make my company money.

Bit like if I worked 20 hours a week zoo-keeping, I'd always BE a zoo-keeper but I'd only be engaged in zoo-keeping part of the time so saying I'm a p/t zoo-keeper would be accurate.

It's not perfect but I think it sounds more accurate than sahm which i think has slightly worrying housewifesque connotations.

I suppose more accurate would be summat like 'full-time child-carer' but that sounds misleading and a strangely worthy when actually it's your own children.

I don't work and just say that if I'm asked as can't bear SAHM or fulltime mother.

I absolutely fail to understand why people get their knickers in a twist over this. Stop caring what anyone else thinks, live your life as makes you happy and you'll find it's just words.

Full time mother is patronising since clearly being a mother is a constant state and not an intermittent one.

I think that full time mother is different to a working mother in that when you go to work you are not spending that time mothering or directly looking after your children - someone else is being paid to do that. Whereas when you stay at home then most of your time is spent mothering and looking after your children so you can justifiably say you are a "full time" mother.

It really annoys me when people say that being a SAHM (or whatever you wish to call it) is not work. It is work and it is bloody hard work!

scottishmummy - what on earth is your problem with SAHMs or housewives? I have noticed on several threads that you come on with badly written ire at SAHMs. If you want to work that is your choice but please do not insult those of us who wish to stay at home to look after our children and who are proud of this choice.

I used to say I didn't work too.

Actually, I said I was a teacher, but I wasn't working while my children were small. Which kind of hedged my bets conversationally...

yes Op its ridiculous.
Do SAHMs say "Im a full time mum" but when they are out on their own, their kids are asleep or they are in the shower, so they consider themselves to NOT be a mum at that point?

SeasonOfTheWitch - if only everyone could manage to have your balance view on this, life would be much easier :)

I think the problem stems from a desire to say what mothers are not what they do, the disabled community has had the same problem.

I've thought about this a lot as I have done all sorts while being a parent, I've worked from home, I've done voluntary work (and in that I count acting as a host surrogate), I've been too ill to do much at all and I now work part time in term time and study for an OU degree. This is what I have done while I am a mother, not what I am.

Imnotbatman - but at that time (when they are sleeping/you are in the shower) the 'sahp/full time parent' is still the one responsible for their care at that time - not a nanny/childminder/partner/grandparent/nursery.

TheFallenMadonna - that kind of answer works well :)

There have been loads of threads about this, and it's a shame there isn't some terminology that we all feel happy with. I think this is because deciding to do housework and childcare instead of earning money is a choice which is generally undervalued by society. It can be very hard work and it is an important role, whoever does it, but so many people see it as simply not contributing to the economy in any way.

scottishmummy is on most of these threads and her views always amuse me.

Being a mum is something you cannot change once you have had the baby, and we are all 'full-time mums' whether we earn money or not. Some of us delegate the childcare to somebody we trust while we do something else instead. Some of us (like me) would prefer to do the childcare ourselves, and are lucky enough to be able to more-or-less get by financially.

I wish women spent less time criticising each other and feeling defensive and were more supportive of each other's choices.

I'm surprised that a registrar used that term! Surely if you are a mother who does not do paid work, then you are unemployed like all the non mothers out there who do not do paid work? Not to say you do nothing all say of course, but you are not actually employed. Isn't that just the most straightforward way of saying it?

I went back to work following both maternity leaves but had a year at home before the youngest DC started school after taking voluntary redundancy. I used to just say I was on a career break, I don't like SAHM, housewife, full time mother.

Another not so stealthy sahm bashing threads-they appear to be the new benefits thread on mn

I am a sahm-thats what I refer to myself as if I am asked. I am certainly NOT unemployed as is being inferred on this thread-I dont claim jobseeking benefits,neither am I seeking employment currently.

People who feel the need to make badly veiled comments about sahms simply must be bitter and jealous imo-why else would you give a fuck over someone elses choices?

Some women really want to work outside of the home - perhaps they feel better having some economic independence and/or do not feel happy or fulfilled by looking after children 24/7. Full-time childcare is not for everyone; this is absolutely fine and our feminist grandmothers fought for women's right to choose their role. Working outside of home does not make you a selfish mother (providing you have found good quality childcare) and certainy does not make you a part-time mother.

Yes, although I would say that I don't work - I wouldn't refer to myself as unemployed.

But then I don't really care what other people think and tend to just laugh and use humour as in 'oh yes I'm just a lady who lunches' - whilst peeling small children off my legs

And I do think that nowadays many people have different roles at different points of their lifes. I did work, then I had children and I don't currently work but am pretty sure I will work again.