to hate the term 'full time mother'?

[MammaTJ]

Seriously, this really gets my goat. I work. I have worked most of my childrens lives. I like the work I do and choose to work nights so I don't miss out on things like sports days etc, just miss out on sleep.
This does not make me a part time mother!! I never stop being a mum and putting my kids first for a second!
Also, their dad 'babysitting' while I work. Does that mean I babysit while he is at work?

I think we are all full time mums. I have been a SAHM and a WOHM mum, the only difference I see between both of them is that I have a job now.

The housework still has to be done, I still have to cook, wash, do homework, read to my child and take care of inducing good manners, play football with DS in the afternoon and take him to a number of classes and activities in the afternoons and weekends. And also be there for him when he is sad, when he is happy or just when he needs to tell a joke or have a cuddle. Just as I was there for him when I was not working.

Yes, he has to go to after school club some days but, it is only for less than two hours and even so, I don't think is that bad, as when he is in the club he is interacting with other children rather than tired at home watching cartoons.

The term full time mum implies that working mums are part time mums despite the whole extra stuff they have to organise in order to do both, that's what I find annoying and demeaning, not mothers staying at home.

'I have been a SAHM and a WOHM mum, the only difference I see between both of them is that I have a job now.'

That's not my experience. The main difference now is that I see my children far less. And for those days that I am at work, I don't feel like a mum and someone else is looking after my children.

Although I don't think that they will suffer for it.

It's no problem if you only work within school hours, but I work shifts and weekends and simply do not do the mothering when I am at work. I cannot be with my children and at work at the same time. I can't remember who I am quoting when I say "I can have it all but I can't do it all'

There is a massive difference between working school hours, give or take a bit of breakfast/after school club, and working hours that mean you need to outsource major parts of family life (meals, homework, bathtime, bedtime, weekend outings...).

the words 'full-time Mother' don't really bother me. It's just another way of explaining the role of a woman who stays at home to raise her children full-time.
I've been a working parent and am now a stay at home parent.
What really irks me is when WOHMs say they do the work of a SAHM but also work full-time.
Not possible.
On a working day my dh is out from 7am-7pm and spends an hour with her before she goes to bed, and about an hour or two with the older ones. I'm with dd3 for 12 hours and several more hours with the eldest two.
He isn't taking her to the park, to the doctors, to the supermarket, playing with her, giving her three meals, four bottles etc, running the others to afterschool activities, picking their friends up, making their breakfasts and dinner..so he isn't doing everything I do, anymore than I'm doing everything he does. It's silly to say otherwise.

Apologies if anyone said this before, but to me it feels like the people who say they are. A full time mother are trying to "justify" themselves (oh I parent constantly I couldn't possibly fit a job in).

Not tht they need to.

Peanut in a house where both parents work, who do you think takes the kids to the park, the doctors, does the shopping, ferries to after school activities, makes the food etc? The parenting fairies?

What really irks me is when WOHMs say they do the work of a SAHM but also work full-time.
Not possible.
Me too peanutbutter
I do understand that they still do most of the things but they certainly spend less hours on childcare. Plus in some cases they will be less tidying if dc are in nursery or at childminders and not making a constant mess.
I am virtually a SAHM and wouldn't use the phrase full time mother myself. However, I don't think its meant to offend WOHP.
I guess its a shame that both SAHM's and WOHM's so often feel the need to justify their choices and are sensitive to throway comments.

Ok.........as SAHMs we don't outsource our childcare (no judgement here, just a fact, I worked when I had one DC) so the person a WHOM drops off her children with is doing a job by being paid to look after them all day, I stay at home with mine and do the same things that the woman who is getting paid is doing but I'm not getting paid.

I'm still fucking busy all day, so no you don't do what a SAHM does and work iyswim. This is in no way a slight on WHOMs, it's just how I see it. I have three DCs, at this point in mine and their lives it makes sense for me to be at home, it's not a political statement or a platform on which to judge other women.

Argggggggggggggggggggggggg.

What is amazing on these type of threads is that the SAHMs always see them as SAHM-bashing. The WOHM always see them as WOHM bashing.

who do you think takes the kids to the park, doctors, does the shopping, ferries to after school activities, makes the food etc?

Well in many case where the parents work this would be the nanny/childminder/aupair/nursery wouldn't it. Or for things such as doctors appts the parent would take time off work so they are not physically working and parenting at the same time.

I really dislike the argument of WOHMS that they do 2 jobs and they have to work AND do the parenting too and therefore are somehow better or do more than a SAHM.

Ultimately there are only 24 hours in a day and whilst a WOHM is out working as a SAHM I am also working doing all of the childcare. This does not mean that at 5pm I am sitting relaxing whilst WOHMs are coming home to do the housework, cook and wash.

No, once the DC's are in bed I am ALSO doing housework, cooking, washing, online shoppping - all the things that are hard to fit in if you are looking after pre-school DC's all day.

I find it ironic that a childminder/nanny who probably does exactly the same work that I do is seen as doing a valuable "job" and yet when I look after my OWN child it is not a job and people are saying that actually I am "unemployed"!!

People who do Childcare do just that though - take care of your child. They don't do any of those things you mentioned in your original post, unless it's an emergency doctors appointment. A lot of them even expect you to take your own food for the child for the full day.

The children come home and we do all those things then.

(wishes there were real fairies who come and deal with it all while you work...)

The childminder or nursery does the shopping and ferries to afterschool activities?

And working parents don't take their children to the park?
aHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It also annoys me when people are often happy to define themselves by their job i.e "I'm a lawyer, teacher etc" but yet mothers are often critisised for defining themselves as "just" a mother when really it is the most important job of all for all of us whether WOHMS and SAHMS and WAHMs.

Sorry should have conceded about nannies, but only 6 per cent of people use them, I'm sure they don't shop, au pairs are untrained and not really supposed to be left as Childcare.

Who said WHOMs don't take their kids to the park.........we are clutching at straws here people.

rhondajean
I know plenty of childminder and nannies who do drop offs at activities or pick up from afterschool clubs.

Admittedly they probably don't do the shopping (although some nannies and au-pairs do) but then as a SAHM I have to do the shopping too - why do you think that as a SAHM it is easier for me to find the time to do this than for you?? I would venture that its probably easier to do an online shop in your lunchhour at work than walking round the supermarket with 2 screaming children.

I didn't say that working parents don't take their children to the park but if you are working between say 9-5 you are not taking your children to the park during that time are you?

Peanut butter said it! ^^up there! About how her husband works so doesn't do all the things she does

Oops and angelic too - do read.

If your children are in school, you aren't taking them to the park between 9and half 3 either are you?

People do other things some of the time. Doesn't mean they don't do the same things.

There's an assumption people can a access the Internet at work (many aren't allowed to use it for their own purposes) and b have a long enough break to get their shopping organised.

I know no childminders who do afterschool activity dropouts mostly because they are catering for a group of children and it's not practical.

I'll give you nannies but as I said, only 6 percent of Childcare is provided. Y them.

As I read it she is saying that whilst he is working he is not taking his daughter to the park etc which is true he can't be working and taking her to the park.

She is not saying that if you work you never take your children to the park!

Oh an angelic the original point was how sahm have to take the children to the supermarket and is working parents don't, which is a massive generalisation.

But my children are not in school so I am with them 24 hours a day.

I've never heard anyone in rl has ever use the term full time mum or SAHM

its just been invented on here to wind everyone up

and it always works!

Well then all you working ladies........here are your superwoman badges, I'll just go and scrub my step and kiss your arse.

I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy.