to hate the term 'full time mother'?

[MammaTJ]

Seriously, this really gets my goat. I work. I have worked most of my childrens lives. I like the work I do and choose to work nights so I don't miss out on things like sports days etc, just miss out on sleep.
This does not make me a part time mother!! I never stop being a mum and putting my kids first for a second!
Also, their dad 'babysitting' while I work. Does that mean I babysit while he is at work?

SeasonOfTheWitch - good to know!! Though - curious as to what your usual posting name it ....

Agreed that working does not make you a part time mum. Also at the implication in many of these threads that only SAHM have no time off. What do they think we do with our DC when not at work? The reality is that working days we do two jobs - our paid employment followed by family and domestic stuff until late. On "days off" we just do the childcare and domestic stuff job. We too are on call 24/7, nurseries won't deal with sick children or accidents beyond the minimum until a parent arrives. So I am very much a full time mum and I have 2 jobs! It's up to everyone to do what suits them and their family/budget (I only work because I have to) but there is still too much working mums are not good mothers, "farming their children out to strangers" type stuff for my liking.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck off. If I want to call myself a full time mum because I stay at home I will...........this in no way implies that you're a part time mum, get a grip, get a life and fuck off some more.

I thinks it's for a mumsnet break, I'm sick to fucking death of this trivial bullshit.

SAHM really get so shit on here don't they.

It seens to be a term used in newspaper reports - becasue they always feel the need to report on women's working status, and what job they do, as well as people's ages. Have never seen a dad referred to as a fulltime dad tho'.

DrCoconut, well said re the working mums also having all the sahm stuff to do whilst at home as well as the job...

I agree.

I see people on Facebook sending these things about 'my job is being a full time mother, I dont get days off, I don't get holidays, etc etc'
I actually wrote in reply to one, if you're that agreaved by it why did you decide to become a mother then?

It shouldn't be seen as a job.

YABU - maybe some people prefer that term to SAHM or housewife or homemaker all of which are pretty naff phrases.

so you get to be a 'fulltime' mum as well as (whatever your job is).

"Have never seen a dad referred to as a fulltime dad tho'"

No, they get called 'jobless' in the DM, or 'workshy' if in the 'sun'.

The point is that everyone should stop justifying their choices (or lack of choice) to others.

WOHMs are, for the most part, fantastically sensitive to any suggestion that they might in any possible teensy-tiny way be ever so slightly less present in the lives of their DCs than SAHMs.

And I think that SAHMs need to recognise that, because it is that same worry for the wellbeing of their DCs that motivates their own decision to be around for their DCs.

No, igglepiggle, they don't. Or at least, I think honours are even on the getting shit front.

And this thread is a remarkably innocuous example of the SAHM/WOHM discussion. So if it is upsetting you to that extent, then it's time for some deep breaths at least.

Cant believe people get so het up over such nonsence i call myself a full time mum because i am actively my childs sole carer each day dh is a working dad neither of us are any less mum or dad but i am actively with the children far more than him no two ways about that. I actually think the term SAHM is better suited to those with children in school full time and at home but really who gives a shiney one who calls who what

I'm so glad that all those historical figures who decided to work and struggle to change and/or widen the then prevailing social-political definitions of various subject-positions and identities didn't listen when people said: "if you're that agreaved [sic] by it, why did you do it/be it?".

That's particularly the case with motherhood. We're having this discussion because many women wouldn't accept that working/mothering was an either/or. They pointed to historical precedents that in history women had had to work and mother; that the either/or was class-based fantasy; that it was embedded in and reproduced sexism and economic disparity.

When people (women, really) discuss it now, it's part of an ongoing discussion about how we - as women: as mothers or not; as paid workers outside the home, or not; as women trying to articulate the meaning of our labour, identities, and societal contributions, and so on - experience, talk about, name and wish to change or maintain our identities and realities.

Facebook reactionary warriors: attempting to hold the world at bay through the power of their little tippy-tappy fingertips. bless 'em.

greenbananas- you are right.

Feminism fought for women to have CHOICE. Now that some of us have made differing choices, we are all turning on each other.

I am a SAHM and I have no problem with WOHMs. I claim only Child Benefit and if I went back to work I would have to pay £850 a month child care. Therefore my staying at home (or rather taking DS2 out every day) is an economic decision as well as my wish.

I don't like to say I'm unemployed or that I don't work, because I'm busy all day (apart from 5 min Mnetting breaks whilst I neck tea between jobs).

So if people ask what I do, I say something like "I'm off work until DC2 is at school"

I think WOHMs have to bloody hard and have to multi task and juggle to an extent that a lot of people don't acknowledge.

• WOHMS have to work bloody hard etc

Why in God's name would any woman want to pigeon hole themselves as a full time Mum????

Surely all women, whether we have paid work or not, are so much more than just a Mum?

Full time mother doesn't make sense. Full time in most jobs means 40 hours a week. I'm guessing that most of us, even the ones who work, spend a lot more then 40 hours a week with their children.

I'd be interested to know if any women who refer to themselves as full time Mums , refer to their DPs as part time Dads?

I refer to dh as a working dad its a given that means he spends his time working while i spend mine providing the daytime childcare, everyone knows exactly what a full time mum is so i shall continue to feel its the best description of what i do, mountain molehill imo

Sorry latte but I think it is vomit inducing. No man would ever consider it necessary to define themself by parenthood.

Since I have had my DC I have been and done so much more than be their carer.

I dont define myself by parenthood but i am a mother. When i go back to work i will be a working mother right now im a fulltime mother or a SAHM, you could say that SAHM implies you only stay at home and dont go anywhere else, that would be ridiculous though wouldnt it? i dont go up to people and say 'hey my name is X and im a mother of 2' in the same way i wouldnt say 'hey my name is X and im a fulltime mum' but if its asked i say hardly using it to define me

All this talk of 'full time mothers', has anyone else ever encountered some one describing themselves as a "full time mummy to be" or is that just me?

Oh and I have to say it does annoy me when WOHMS say that they do everything a SAHM does AND go to work full time.

Not true.

Whilst WOHMs are at work, SAHMs are usually chasing small children around, changing nappies/toilet training them, bathing them, taking them on outings, making meals, trying to do vaguely educational things with them and trying to get excited about ducks and lorries. The housework goes to hell in a handcart until the little darlings are asleep.

It's not a competition, both roles and jobs are valid. WOHMs have to do their housework and cleaning and childcare at weekends and in the evening. So do SAHMs.

The only difference is geography. A WOHM has been out all day working and a SAHM has been in all day working.

It's just a term. Officials use it too. It says it on my DC5's birth cert, they chose the term. I don't care what it I labelled, even housewife is fine. I like what I do o don't much care what others call it. Never bothered me when I worked full time either.

I think terms are important though.
There was a time when black people were described as non-white...

For me the term full time mother is so defensive so apologetic so reductive.

As if the person is embarrassed about not working so has to talk up their mothering duties to a 24/7 role. And I just can't belive that there are any women (apart from those caring for the severely ill or disabled) who don't do anything except mothering.