Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to think this is passive-aggressive hatred?

127 replies

MusicfromHeaven · 03/06/2012 21:18

It was my birthday last month and I'm still really bothered by this.

i'm on a really strict diet as my weight has really rocketed since DD3, for about 3 months. I told everyone not to get my Easter eggs, even the kids, and just had little stuff instead.

I've cut out all chocolate, cakes, cheese and just eat healthy stuff. I am doing exercise too, swimming twice a week and Pilates.

My friend bought me 2 big bars of chocolate for my birthday. Not wrapped up, just in a carrier bag.

He said just something about you can't live without chocolate, can't remember his exact words as i was trying to act pleased

AIBU to think this is actually really passive-aggressive and means actually he hates me?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 03/06/2012 21:21

If this is for real, you sound hard work.

Panzee · 03/06/2012 21:22

Can I have it?

Original poster

MusicfromHeaven · 03/06/2012 21:23

squeakytoy, ? why not for real? and why hard work?

OP posts:

Catsmamma · 03/06/2012 21:23

have you eaten it?

usualsuspect · 03/06/2012 21:24

Buying someone chocolate is abuse,he sounds toxic

Dprince · 03/06/2012 21:24

really?

mellowcat · 03/06/2012 21:25

A bit thoughtless maybe, passive aggressive no.

Why not pass it on to someone who will enjoy it.

Servalan · 03/06/2012 21:25

TBH MusicfromHeaven, I wouldn't be getting my knickers in a twist if this is an isolated incident. He may just lack imagination in present giving and have wanted to get you something.

If he has been doing other things to make you think he hates you, then that might be different, but if this is all that happened, I'd say let it go!

squeakytoy · 03/06/2012 21:25

to still be bothered by a gift? to think someone hates you because they got you a couple of bars of chocolate...

chocolate in moderation is not poison unless you are a dog..

EclecticShock · 03/06/2012 21:25

Just give them away and don't read too much into it.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2012 21:26

Yes, buying large bars of chocolate is a clear sign of hatred.

I actually think it's sparked a couple of world wars.

Original poster

MusicfromHeaven · 03/06/2012 21:26

Have u eaten it?

Of course

resisted for ages, trying to be good, then just gobbled it all up

but this is why i worry about passive-aggressive, i had told everyone that i had cleared the house of choc etc as in the evenings when I'm tired is my worst time and if it's there, I'll eat it

OP posts:

Mollydoggerson · 03/06/2012 21:26

Just throw it in the bin, maybe he thought yuo deserved a break from your diet.

Kennyp · 03/06/2012 21:27

I would put fairy liquid on it and put it in the bin else i would eat it. Am trying to lose weight too

iceandsliceplease · 03/06/2012 21:28

Yes, Worra - The War of the Tin of Roses.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2012 21:28

To be fair what you put in your mouth isn't his problem

He bought it but he didn't force you to eat it did he?

You could have given it away or even binned it.

If you're going to lose weight and keep it off, I'm sure you know you'll have to muster up a bit more will power than that.

roundtable · 03/06/2012 21:29

You should have channelled your inner ledkr and told him to stick his chocolate up his arse.

I can't believe I still find that funny. I must have a very simple mind!

squeakytoy · 03/06/2012 21:29

resisted for ages, trying to be good, then just gobbled it all up

hardly your friends fault that you have no self control though...

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2012 21:29

ice

knowitallstrikesagain · 03/06/2012 21:29

YABU

Passive agressive hatred

randomswitch · 03/06/2012 21:29

I totally get why you are upset by this. You are trying hard to do something that is difficult and you feel this is being ignored by someone you would have expected to understand and ideally support you. However, I note the friend is a male. Most men just don't get the whole dieting thing. My husband has done the same to me and my dad has done the same to my mum. They genuinely think they are getting you something you will like and will make you happy. So he doesn't hate you. He just accepts you the way you are and doesn't really get how important it is to you yo change. Or at least that's how it is in my experience. They really are from mars.....

gamerwidow · 03/06/2012 21:31

If the is the only thing you friend has done to make you think he hates you then you are massively overreacting.

He probably thought you would like the chocolate because you've liked it in the past. Lots of people say they're on a strict diet but still have the occasional chocolate treat. How was he supposed to know you're unable to control yourself.

HandMini · 03/06/2012 21:31

To massively generalise....often when you are dieting and really focussed on it, and even if you have told everyone you're giving up chocolate etc, it will have just kind of drifted past their consciousness like all other bits of chit chat, and it's really not that interesting to others, so he probably didn't even remember, even though it's been so central to you recently.

WorraLiberty · 03/06/2012 21:31

They really are from mars...

Bars?

Original poster

MusicfromHeaven · 03/06/2012 21:32

Wow, mean crowd tonight.

have genuinely been upset as thought my friend supported me and it felt like a real stab in the back. He knows how much I love chocolate and how hard it's ben for me to do this. I thought he was behind me. and it's ok saying throw it in the bin, give it away, whatever but why would my own friend get me a gift that i would have to do this? you wouldn't give an alcoholic a bottle of whisky for a birthday present.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6