This is my first ever post so please bear with me if you can ? apologies for the length but I?m trying to avoid drip feeding.
DP?s parents own two houses. The house they live in (DP?s childhood home) and the house that belonged to DP?s grandmother, which they inherited when she sadly passed away a number of years ago. DP?s grandmother?s house has been in their family for around 100 years so it is owned outright ? no mortgage. The house had been empty since she died.
When DP and I found out we were expecting DS, his parents were incredibly generous and offered us the opportunity to move in to the empty house and live there for 5 years, rent free. This was, they said, to give us a chance to save for a mortgage, and not be under financial pressure to have both of us working full time whilst DS was little. We knew that this was an amazing opportunity and very kind of them, and we gratefully accepted. We have been here for nearly two years now.
The house was in need of a substantial amount of work, but we were more than happy to put in the time and the money to make a home for ourselves and give ourselves a chance to pay off debt / save when the work was done. In financial terms, the project cost us around the same as what we would have paid in rent for a year, and I worked hard renovating the house both whilst I was pregnant (we were trying to complete the work before the birth so I did this full time instead of working) and for some months after the birth. DP?s parents also contributed financially to the project, as did mine. We didn?t ask either sets of parents for this help, but they offered, and we were very thankful.
I am pretty good at handling finances, and have been looking after mine and DP?s budget and outgoings for quite a while (I do this because DP doesn?t want to, and I do enjoy a good spreadsheet(!) ? the arrangement works well enough for us). We have certainly had odd periods where we have overspent but we have learnt from them, and we?ve been on an even keel (paying off credit cards / overdrafts and saving money) for a good while now. We know how much we have to save in order to put down a deposit on a mortgage, and are working on target towards this. We are responsible and everything is budgeted for.
Recently, despite the original agreement under which we moved in, DP?s parents have told us that they now require us to pay them £100 a week, which they will ?look after? for us. They have said that they ?do not believe we will save for a mortgage if it is left to us?, and thus need to control the figure of £100 a week paid to them and have it resting in an account to which they and DP (not myself) have access, though DP is not to touch it without their say so.
I feel really uncomfortable with this arrangement. I could almost understand it if they were saying they had changed their mind and now wanted us to pay rent on the house (but would be a little 
as that wasn?t the agreement under which we moved in and carried out all the work), but the idea of someone other than DP and I controlling our savings does not sit well with me.
I think that our savings should be in our savings account. This is mostly because it is simply our money, but also because it leaves me in a financially vulnerable position if DP and I were to break up (which I hope to God never happens, and don?t foresee happening, but I guess nothing is ever certain) as none of the money would be in my name. DP and I have just always had ?our money? ? we?ve never been divisive.
I also think we should decide for ourselves how much we are saving, rather than having the figure dictated to us. At the end of the day, we're the ones that face the consequences if we frittered away our cash. We are currently putting away about £60-70 a week and we really are living on a shoe string to do so ? if we gave £100 a week to his parents we would have nothing left in the pot after bills to buy anything that wasn?t the weekly food shop, whether that was some babygrows for DS, a new workshirt for me, a haircut for DP, taking DS to the farm... everything. When I told my ILs they said we could ?ask? them for our money back to buy whatever the item was that we required.
I just don?t want to live like this. I know we are capable of just spending what we need and putting the rest into savings (not least because that's what we've been doing) ? I don?t want to go and have to ask my inlaws for our own money every time I need to buy myself some tights. I have tried to explained this to them but they don?t seem to see the problem. I certainly don?t want to have to ask their permission and for our own money if DP and I want to go out for dinner or something else that?s just for ?enjoyment? (FWIW we?ve been out for dinner once this year so far...).
This is really stressing me out and it?s starting to cause problems between DP and I. If I?d have know at the outset that in order to live in the house we?d have to let DP?s parents control our finances and savings then I?d have said thanks but no thanks ? it is just not a situation that I would be happy with under any circumstances. It feels really controlling and belittling.
AIBU to not want to do this? I think, really, that I would much rather we moved out and made a go of it on our own ? paying rent and saving for a mortgage at the same time like everyone else, even though it would obviously take longer. AIBU?