to hate the school holidays?

[LucieMay]

I seem to come across so many parents who love the school holidays and spending lots of time with their DCS. I'm the opposite- I always cannot wait for them to end, particularly the big six weeker in summer.

DS is in Y1 but when he went into reception, I got the biggest shock of my life- I'd worked full time up till then (from him being age two, was p-t up till the age of two, but babies are easier to entertain!) and obviously nursery is open 51 weeks a year! I'm on my own with DS and he's a very sociable child and very quickly gets bored without other children unless we're constantly out and about.

I find it very challenging. I plan activities every day (including seeing other mothers and kids where possible but almost all of my friends with kids work f/t) but I don't have an endless pot of money and even when we go for a day out, it only takes five hours max and I have 12 hours a day to fill!

It's not too bad now it's the warmer weather as he sometimes plays out with the local kids but the winter holidays are hard work. One day I could not think of anything new to do and ended up just taking him out for a pub lunch because I needed to see other people!

True, it's nice to have a break from the school run/commute/washing school uniform but that novelty wears out very quickly. I love DS to bits and we're very close but I definitely enjoy his company more when I have less of it and I think he feels the same sometimes although this school holidays (he's off for 16 days! and I'm off work for all of them!) he keeps telling me at the end of every day what a good day he's had and how much he enjoys being with me and i feel so guilty because I just don't feel the same all of the time- I love being with him when we're out and about but come 5pm when we're home I just feel a sense of dread. I find it impossible to get any housework done and long for adult conversation. Am I bad parent or does anyone else feel like this?

I think she was talking about me, my dyslexia really came through on that last post of mine.

If you didn't care , you wouldn't bother posting. As it happens, I have an amazing 2 days with my children tomorrow and I intend on being the best mama possible. Nighty night !!

but people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, as shelly, that last post of yours was hardly literary ginius now was it?

oh - I thought it was to my mistakes and I am really dyslexic - dx by educational psychologist and all - and I really do need to get to bed.

Shelly32 I really hope you continue to enjoy your DC every single second of every day for ever .

its an awfully big fall from up there, take care on your way down

You mean genius. It's pretty technically accurate. I wasn't meaning to win any awards but I think you'll find it's all accurate.
Hexenbiest. I hope so to. Can't bet on it but I hope so. Same wishes

DL I'm not what you think I am. I'm sure,no, I hope we'd get on in real life. I just have a diff opinion to you. I'm not on any ladder, trust me X

it wasnt accurate and I would point it out but cant be arsed, so maybe read back your self and see.

Yes, Shelly, you are allowed an opinion and others are allowed to point out that it is offensive, ignorant shit.

Having a DH who is put of the house from 8-7 is not in any way shape or form similar to being a single parent. I know - I've done both. Dealing with the needs of bickering children and the constant want-want-want from the moment they get up to the moment they go to sleep is tiring, wearing and on many occasions I would love a magic cupboard to shove them in for some peace. Does this mean I don't love them or wish I'd never had them? Of course it doesn't. Does this mean I need to think about those who can't have chidden' don't be so bloody stupid.

I am friends with one other single mum but her ds spends a lot of time at his dads in the hols. My other friends with children are of preschool age and they always seem to be working.

I think that after a while you build a sort of portfolio of "holiday friends" who have similar interests/budgets/ages/likeable parents. Frankly I approach it much like any other task, bit ruthless really.

I do see my family during the hols but with ds. They help me out with childcare during term time when I'm at work and when I have to work some school hols so I always feel selfish if I ask them for even more help when I'm actually available! They don't make me feel like this but I can find it hard to slow weakness and let people know when I'm struggling IRL, seems easier on an internet postboard!

You can build your strength there, too, bit by bit you can gain courage to ask for help and one day you will find you don't even feel guilty about it. That you will see they like helping out and spending time with your ds. That it can be to everyone's benefit.

YANBU

There are lots of factors that can contribute to making the school holidays unenjoyable.

I was a single mum to a DS and I loathed the holidays. I think my relationship with my DS was too intense and we didn't particularly enjoy each other's company all that much. He never stopped talking AT me from morning till night and I found it so draining. Things improved at about 9 or 10 when he regularly had a friend or went out went out with friends. To be fair he has always been difficult to parent.

I'm now married with two DD's and my 4 year old DD is a pleasure to be around. She loves her own company and gets lost in imagination games. I actively look forward to the holidays. It also really helps having a partner to share things with.

Shelly32. I think you may be dyslexic love as it takes one to know one. What does ungrteful mean?
Who looks after your twins when you go to work? I can't believe you only have 2 days to sah with your dcs when you can't stand to be away from them. You see neither can I be away from my dd, so I don't have material things, no car etc. I am also considering Home ed, so she won't have to go to school. Hey your English is so good maybe you should consider Home ed and being a good mother for a change. Perhaps they aren't as important to you as my dd is to me and dh. I think you need a name change by the way, as I'm sure people will remember you, lol.

morethanpotatoprints - are you 12? 'It takes one to know one'.....seriously?! Leave Shelly32 alone!

LucieMay, I don't know what its like to be in your position but know from my friend that asking for help or even arranging play dates used to fill her with dread. Now she has as suggested above a portfolio of friends that her dd has for holidays and after school play. My dd is one of them but a few years younger. She said she always feels like people are judging her and that her lack of money would make her dd look poor all the time. Don't be fooled into thinking others are having a much better time. My dd went back to school last year and was the only one not to have been on holiday. Some went camping, others abroad. We couldn't afford it. I love holidays now but when our older ds's were young they were terrible, always squabbling, being bored, moaning etc, I longed for them to get back to school. What I'm saying is things will improve and you have a few weeks to get as prepared as you can. I guess when dcs are little its a case of riding the storm but for the record YANBU

Sorry puddle. I don't normally like to stoop so low. I feel her posts have been totally offensive, smug and nasty. She has picked on people and that is not helping the OP. The above was not my first post and although I don't agree with some comments on here I have not been nasty.

I didn't mean to come across as nasty. Sorry.

Shelly32, I agree, I don't thinare nasty, just lacking a bit of empathy in this particular case.

The OP is a single parent with an intense DS. You have a DP, no matter how much you say he isn't around much to help, at least he is still around to be with the DCs sometimes, for you to offload to, to change a lightbulb etc.

My DH has long workhours too so sometimes I joke I'm like a single parent, but having a friend who is a single parent like the OP, I can't begin to compare the two.

I think the OP isn't saying she hates being a mother, or hates her DS, it's just the unrelentingness of 24 hrs a day with a little boy who is intense. Having had a DD who is intense and an easier going Ds, a child who needs you all the times for a prolonged time is the hardest job in the world. Wonderful, but hard and perhaps she just needs a little bit of helpful, non-patronising advice and sympathy.

1950s housewife, I may be lacking a sympathy chip in me. My comments weren't much help and for that I feel bad now! I think I just didn't understand/empathise/sympathise. You're right, I am in a totally diff situation; I would be lost without hubby being around to change a lightbulb/nappy now and again ;)

good for you for realising and coming back to say so shelly

Hi Shelly - I could tell that about you, that none of your comments were meant in a mean way. We all have our things that we just don't 'get' about other people. I have a friend who loves nothing more than to be with her dd all the time, and another who seems to be always wanting to escape her DC. I don't really understand either of them! Most of us are somewhere in the middle.

I'm a little jealous of you TBH. You sound like you genuinely enjoy being with your kids at all times and I think that sounds like an amazing gift.
Me, I love my DCs 70% of the time, dislike them about 5% and hte other 25% (I have a graph if you want to see it!) I would just rather they were with a grandparent or someone who loves them unconditionally and unpaid who could help to let my brain run free sometimes.

I am sorry for blasting you too Shelly32. I thought you were being smug and offensive, but obviously you weren't meant to come across like that and I shouldn't have been so quick to judge you.

This week has actually been a lot better! Monday I saw my single parent friend and her DS (he was back from his dad's), we went out to Blackpool together and we had a wee drink at hers in the evening. Tuesday me and DS just chilled out at home (to save money) and did nothing of note, and I told myself it was okay, not every day has to be action packed. Today we went to Blackpool Zoo with my own dad and my niece and DS. Tomorrow I have arranged to meet my friend with a toddler son at a play centre (she works variable hours and some weeks is off during the week). Friday/Sat/Sun will mainly be me and DS (with a bit of family time in between) but I don't mind that. Then Monday is back to work. For the big six weeker, I am leave the first two weeks as me and DS are off to Benidorm on our own for a week. For the last four weeks, I'm going to just take a bit of leave every week (will be working full time, recently increased from p/t to f/t) and will be packing DS off to holiday club- I asked him about it and he said he loves the idea (trying to stop myself feeling guilty- the interaction with other kids will be good for him). Definitely going to reach out to a few more of DS's classmates to see if they want to come to play.

Thanks to everyone for your input. This will always be a struggle for me but I think I am definitely getting better. And of course in a few years, he'll be off with his friends and I'll probably be on here complaining about much I miss DS! And no hard feelings to those with contradictory opinions to my own, everyone is different.

glad to hear things have been good for you this week OP and you need to stop feeling guilty. x

It's hard when there is only 2 of you. I am getting a loose system of ds's friends over here/him over there, through the holidays.
The parents all work various part time hours, so we will help each other out with childcare, as well as having playmates for the kids.

I will need to be organised, otherwise I will go utterly mental.
Ds is excellent at entertaining himself, but when you go outside and play on your own it can get boring pretty quickly. If you have friends to play with it's more fun.

Oh, sorry, missed your last post OP!
Glad to hear you are feeling more positive. Just know you are not the only one who feels like this sometimes!