to hate the school holidays?

[LucieMay]

I seem to come across so many parents who love the school holidays and spending lots of time with their DCS. I'm the opposite- I always cannot wait for them to end, particularly the big six weeker in summer.

DS is in Y1 but when he went into reception, I got the biggest shock of my life- I'd worked full time up till then (from him being age two, was p-t up till the age of two, but babies are easier to entertain!) and obviously nursery is open 51 weeks a year! I'm on my own with DS and he's a very sociable child and very quickly gets bored without other children unless we're constantly out and about.

I find it very challenging. I plan activities every day (including seeing other mothers and kids where possible but almost all of my friends with kids work f/t) but I don't have an endless pot of money and even when we go for a day out, it only takes five hours max and I have 12 hours a day to fill!

It's not too bad now it's the warmer weather as he sometimes plays out with the local kids but the winter holidays are hard work. One day I could not think of anything new to do and ended up just taking him out for a pub lunch because I needed to see other people!

True, it's nice to have a break from the school run/commute/washing school uniform but that novelty wears out very quickly. I love DS to bits and we're very close but I definitely enjoy his company more when I have less of it and I think he feels the same sometimes although this school holidays (he's off for 16 days! and I'm off work for all of them!) he keeps telling me at the end of every day what a good day he's had and how much he enjoys being with me and i feel so guilty because I just don't feel the same all of the time- I love being with him when we're out and about but come 5pm when we're home I just feel a sense of dread. I find it impossible to get any housework done and long for adult conversation. Am I bad parent or does anyone else feel like this?

Neuro Typical. Ie no special needs.

I also assume that your children don't endlessly bicker, fight and generally needle each other. How nice for you.

I can bet that I spend far more one on one time interacting with my son and playing with him and talking to him than any of the critical parents in this thread. He doesn't see his dad at all and I rarely go out, the only time we're apart is when I'm at work or he's at school or football or swimming lessons. We spend every second of every weekend together anyway and plenty of time in a morning before school and after school. In the school holidays we are together one on one 12 hours a day. Maybe for some parents time with their kids is a novelty but for me it not because I always have plenty of it. Ds is a bright, funny, lovely little boy who is well behaved but he is high maintenance, he wants to talk to me and engage with me pretty much every waking second and if I don't I feel guilty because it's not his fault he doesn't have siblings to play with or a dad to take the strain off me. I never said I didn't enjoy spending time with my child, I said that I get lonely without adult company and find all this time alone with ds challenging. Thanks for the positive responses, lots for me to take on board, too many to respond to.

I'm not surprised that you don't look forward to the holidays - it is all rather intense! I should try and dilute it a bit - do swaps with other parents , have a friend around and then he has an afternoon with a friend. Have you no family that he could go and stay with for a few days?

Lucie I understand as a lone parent with a 3 and 4 year old and no help

Rolling, glad to be corrected!

Lucie, good point well made.

Don't rise to it LucieMay. Shelly32 for a non regular MNer you have managed to come up with a classic wind up comment. I'm sure if we took a straw poll most Mums would feel like this at times and no we didn't expect to beforehand and then say "What the hell, I'll have kids anyway!". Actually I'd be surprised if any Mum didn't find certain aspects of being around children challenging, repetitive and yes, boring at times. Esp if they spent as much time one to one with their child as the OP. We all know the up sides, she is merely pointing out the difficulties she faces as a single Mum with an only child. I doubt either of those things were planned or in her control.

OP I think you really need to get some time in the company of adults during the holidays. Can't you get a babysitter sometimes, or ask family or friends to look after your DS while you spend some time doing something that you like and can look forward to. If you have DS' friends over, parents will invite your DS and then you will have some free time. Then you will have spme things to look forward to and can enjoy the company of DS more.

I know how you feel sometimes, I live abroad nd DCs are in school much less, just a few hours per day, they come home for lunch etc, and it can be difficult. The holdays aren't such a big change for me as I'm used to having them around so much anyway.

I think it is important for children to learn to occupy themselves sometimes though and deal with boredom, you shouldn't be their full time entertainer, but amusing themselves is something they need to learn.

I love the school holidays and being able to spend time with my DS but have to go out every day. I cannot bear to be in the house because I'm not very good at playing unless it's something a bit structured like painting or cooking and DS isn't very good at playing by himself for long. It reminds me of a day not long ago when he had come home from school and I really needed to tidy the kitchen up but every 5 minutes he was asking me to go outside with him. We have loads of garden toys - sandpit, slide, trampoline, bikes, scooters, go kart etc but unless there's someone out there with him he won't play out there for very long. I keep telling DP he needs a sibling!! He behaves so much better and is so much happier when there are other children around. The problem is that because he goes to special school I don't really know any of the mums to invite round and the children live all over the borough so it really needs to be planned in advance rather than just asking them to pop round. There are kids in the street that play out but they are quite a bit older (DS is 6 this month and they are around 10 I would say) We would love a pet but our landlord won't allow it :(

I found holidays a bit intense at first but enjoy them more and more as the dc get bigger and I get more experience at the whole holiday mum thing!

I think 1:1 - your situation, that is - is v. intense. I agree with posters suggesting you try to dilute the intensity by hooking up with other mums & dc for outings/playdates.

What has worked for me is to reduce the number of outings as they are expensive and also give the children an expectation of being entertained. I have encouraged the children to occupy themselves through games, books, craft, outdoor play, friends over etc. This has really paid off and they are both great at inventing games and playing cooperatively.

The other thing that has worked for me is to do nice things for myself too even if just picking up a coffee or arranging to meet with one of my friends (rather than theirs!).

I do use holiday clubs on occasion and also take them to the beach, the park and museums.

I think try to mix it up a bit and go easy on yourself, your lovely boy will be benefiting just by spending time with you and having a good look around the big, wide world.

LucieMay - I totally get your point. My ds1 (5) sounds like yours - he's adorable but ninety miles an hour ALL the time and needs to be verbally engaged with me/dh on a constant basis. It's unbelievably wearing and I also find the holidays very hard - dh works away a lot and now we have ds2 (11m) aswell. I have no help to offer really other than everything other people have said - but lots of sympathy from me and ignore all the negative comments! We adore our mad boys but they are such hard work!!

I was waiting for the one fool to say 'why did you have kids if you didn't want to spend time with them?' and the lesser irritating comment 'Don't wish this time away while they're young, you'll look back and regret it.'
(I had the second comment said to me when my DS was a non-sleeping toddler who was very picky and high maintenance. I can safely say I don't think I will look back on that time and wish I was back there! He's great now though!)

Luciemay - you sound like a wonderful mother, but only a saint could cope with that much time one to one with an intense little boy without feeling more than a bit exhausted by it!!

Treadheavily's advice is good. Get out of the house as much as you can. And also, I have two of these intense kids and I had decided that for 30 mins every 3 hours I am allowed to be 'invisible'. That means no getting them food or drinks, no finding bits of lego, or anything! They have to entertain themselves (tv off) because for that 30 mins I don't 'exist'. I am trialling it at the moment and it's working pretty well. It just gives me a little bit of space in the day.

I am in similar boat as you OP but I enjoy the holidays mostly 6 weeks off is harder and Im a student so I am genaraly home anyway so do not need to juggle childcare etc.

However I have been known to arrange for dd go to cm one or two day in the two weeks break and that helps alot.

another thing is to invite a child over to play as I find with a friend dd and friend are self sufficient and I can get on with chores and then with a bit of hope the other parent will return the favour and if they dont just ask them if you mind having your ds for an few hourse one day. I find this works and i have at least one other mum I ask and she asks me too so it works well.

Thanks very much for all the constructive messages and suggestions, which I am very much open to (and not people asking why I bothered to have ds). I need to make more of an effort to engage with ds's classmates' mums. I am friends with one other single mum but her ds spends a lot of time at his dads in the hols. My other friends with children are of preschool age and they always seem to be working. I do see my family during the hols but with ds. They help me out with childcare during term time when I'm at work and when I have to work some school hols so I always feel selfish if I ask them for even more help when I'm actually available! They don't make me feel like this but I can find it hard to slow weakness and let people know when I'm struggling IRL, seems easier on an internet postboard!

I have read every single message and taken it on board even if I haven't referenced it as there are too many! Also nice to know other people feel the same!

looking for and returning help is not a weakness or a burden OP, just remember for every bit of help someone gives yopu be sure to make an effort to do something for them.

as a single parent my self I know it is difficult to ask for help, but also remember as a single parent your imediate network of support can be smaller than that of a couple, so you need to build that support and starting with dcs class mates is a good way to do this.

I assume I am one of the 'critical' parents you talk of. Didn't want to criticise you, however I do disagree with you. This message is on a forum entitled 'am I being unreasonable?' and I answered that yes you were. If it was just sympathy you were after perhaps a different forum? Otherwise why not state that while you are asking if you are being unreasonable you only want people to reply that no you are not.

Only saying this as an idea - make a little calendar (or use google calendar) for each bit of time we have off. I put in when we are working/on holiday and when weekends are etc. I then scour stuff like netmums whats on, council website, sure start stuff and a great website called 'free stuff in the nroth east etc', special days in places etc adn mark them in grey on the dates. I also put in a link (I don't hand write so its on computer) to websiteswtih events on.... So if we wake up unsure we can look at the calendar.

Sorry you've had some horrid responses OP. Find mumsnet so agressive and defensive sometimes.

puddle - yes, the 'am I being unreasonable threads' that are an open invitation for people to make judgements over folks they don;t even know.

I can't remember what did you post puddle! I don't mind people disagreeing with me with their own personal experience but when people question why I bothered having my son it isn't nice. But the internet isn't nice and I've found on other forums people disagree with you and are critical wherever you pose your question. Free speech and all!

I think it is important to consider context and what OPs circumstances are on AIBU, what may be UR in your own circumstances often change when other circumstances are relevent.

whilst i wouldnt and dont dread school hols I can see why OP does and therefore I dont think she UR for feeling this way, so I think others should offer advice rather than why bother having children etc. etc.

The people who make comments like that, are the sort of people who get a thrill out of kicking someone when they are down. Or who like putting others down so they can feel better. In real life you'd avoid these people.

Here they'll come and get you!

I found that on the badmothersclub website you were allowed to have a moan and it was understood, without having to point it out, that you love your kids, but still they can drive you mad! That site started charging a monthly fee, so I came here. I miss the non judgementalnes of that site sometimes

Chandon. Never heard of badmothersclub. Maybe we should start a thread on here and see the response.

What I don't understand is many parents on here are workers and the mantra these days seems to be positive about diversity.

So why can't we all accept that in parenting there are extremes at both ends of the spectrum.

OP if you can then do try and engage the other school parents. I've got to know a few mums at the school gate - for the first two terms I made an enormous effort to arrange playdates with the child and parent at my house and they were all reciprocated. Now we are all comfortable to have the DC over at ours or leave my DD with them without a parent needing to be there. School holidays now involve a lot of playdates (without the parents) and are great.

LucieMay - nope, wasn't me who said why bother having kids. Perhaps I'm not the worst of the bad guys! I hope you don't feel I was kicking you while you are down as someone else has suggested. Certainly not my intention. I just personally dont dread the holidays and dont understand how some do. Hope you can find some support in friends/family/mums at the school gate/sure start centre etc.

Others - I apologise for not agreeing with you all. Shame on me.

Have a look at my thread here if you are trying to think of things to do?

It is lovely to spend time with DC when it is just DC.
When you are faced with entertaining 3, 4 or 5 DCs who are different ages, have different interests and argue constantly, then no, it's no fun whatsoever.
Having been a full time SAHM for 10 years, I am not ashamed to say that I have a 'countdown calendar' in the kitchen. It is counting down to the day when youngest DC starts school.
When they are all at school I will possibly miss them and actually look forward to the school hols. ATM I get through each day by grinding my teeth every five mins and counting to 10.