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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you that are not truely independent until you can drive!

242 replies

angelicstar · 31/05/2012 13:05

Ok - I admit to being a bit of a zealot about driving as I've just passed my test in my 30's and am a total convert!!

But honestly I have never felt so free. I finally feel like I don't have to rely on anyone (usually got lifts from DH/Dad/Friends etc). I'm not at the mercy of public transport and never have to get soaking wet walking in the rain again.

I wish someone had made me do this years ago and I would really encourage anyone thinking about learning to drive to do so - it has made such a difference to me (and if I can pass anyone can!)

OP posts:
OracleInAMonarchale · 01/06/2012 09:56

It is not a life skill, I'm not disputing that it might be useful to some people, but being able to cook is a life skill. Being able to read and do basic maths is a life skill. Driving is not and its pretty damned insulting to say otherwise.

Cockwomble · 01/06/2012 10:01

I am a driver and I enjoy using the train.

I think this comes from us never having a car when I grew up so I am used to going for days out using the train. I always weigh up petrol and parking versus train price to decide which I'll use.

tomverlaine · 01/06/2012 10:04

I don't agree sorry. I passed my test late thirties and have car and its nice being able to drive but i managed very well without it. i don't like the way that many people see cars as only option and don't even consider using either public transport or their legs. I think driving can promote laziness and then you get reliant on a car.
The worse position though is if you are a non-driver who is accustomed to being driven everywhere and hence dependent on someone else - my DM for example cannot drive on dual carriageways/motorways so can't drive to visit me - so if she can't get her life she can't visit. there is a very easy train route but she doesn't think of using that.

trixymalixy · 01/06/2012 10:06

I can totally empathise with that feeling of freedom that learning to drive brought me as a teenager. We lived in a little village and I went to school in the next town, so most of my friends lived there. The buses were every hour, and the last one was at 11 on the way back, a taxi was £8 which was a huge amount of money to me. If I wanted to go out with my friends I always had to leave early, get my dad to pick me up (not cool) or stay over at a friend's house.

The feeling of freedom was amazing once I learned to drive, it totally revolutionised my life.

AllRiseForHerVaj · 01/06/2012 10:12

I can see it from both sides.

I didn't learn to drive until I was in my early 30s, for a number of reasons.

  1. My mum couldn't afford lessons for me when I was young.
  2. I grew up in inner London, where there was absolutely no need to drive
  3. By the time I had enough money to be able to pay for lessons, I also had young children and couldn't find the time for lessons.
  4. When I did finally have the time and money for lessons, I realised I was crap. It took me about 50 hours of tuition and three attempts at the test before I passed. Not a short or easy process.

Now that I can drive, I absolutely love it. I still use public transport to get to work and we walk a lot as a family, as we are so used to it now, but the freedom I have is amazing. I sometimes just go for a drive on my own to unwind, windows down, music blaring Grin, and it has made things like shopping/taking kids to extra-curricular classes etc so much easier when the weather is crap or I am short of time.

Of course I could live perfectly happy without being able to drive, but it does make life easier.

The main thing is - I have mastered a skill that I never thought I would have and it feels really, really good. Even if I didnt have a car now (and lets face it, a car is an expensive thing to run when you take into account petrol, maintenance, tax & insurance), I would still be glad I could drive. Its the best feeling.

BadNails · 01/06/2012 10:20

I learned to drive when I needed to which was after uni. I now have to be able to drive for my job.

I have friends and family who do not drive and they choose to restrict where they work because of it. They cope though and they're still broke!

Horses for courses.

ComposHat · 01/06/2012 10:22

op the feeling of freedom lasts until you get stuck in a tailback, car breaks down and requires expensive repairs, realize you can't have a drink in a night out, driven the same tedious work journey day in day out, worked out you can't do something else as you are shelling out for the insurance and petrol.

Odds are you will see your new found source of freedom as an expensive bind.

KalSkirata · 01/06/2012 10:25

'I am very much of the view that you should be able to drive to be a fully rounded grown up'

I passed that little gem onto dh Jenstar. He is laughing his arse off and asks what do you do if the car breaks down? Can you cycle to work in all weathers like he can? Can you mend the entire thing yourself? Can you whizz past traffic queues?
Thats independance.

trixymalixy · 01/06/2012 10:27

It always makes me laugh on these threads when posters seem to think being able to drive and owning a car means you are incapable of using public transport! I assess the cost, time, hassle, safety aspects of each mode of transport and use the most appropriate. That means that I always get public transport to work When I went to Liverpool for a conference I used the train rather than drive. Driving would probably have been cheaper, but more hassle and I enjoyed reading on the train, and didn't have to drive back with the inevitable post conference hangover.

Being able to drive just gives me another option and I have been very glad on many many occasions to have that option as I have been able to do jobs and things that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to.

curiousgeorgie · 01/06/2012 10:31

Cyclists are the worst OP. It's the whizzing past traffic queues with no regards to safety that's particularly grating. Wink

curiousgeorgie · 01/06/2012 10:32

What does he do if his bike breaks? Can he drive to work in all weathers like I can? Can he cycle in snow???

KalSkirata · 01/06/2012 10:37

Its called overtaking georgie. Done safely its perfectly legal.
Actually, he can mend nearly everything that goes wrong short of the frame snapping in half and yes, he cycles in the snow. And all weathers. Cos if he doesnt he doesnt get paid.
No problems parking, no traffic queues. And no worry over petrol costs or getting fat.
He hasnt ever needed a licence and considers himself 'well rounded'.

PenelopePipPop · 01/06/2012 10:39

My DH has cycled to work over 14miles of Derbyshire hills in all weathers for the last 5 years. Yup in snow. Yup even in weather when his colleagues couldn't get into work because their cars were snowed in. There are things called mountain bikes which are quite good in these situations.

And if his bike breaks he fixes it because it has few parts to go wrong and it is easy to learn how to fix them. Whilst car maintenance is in his range the car still needs to go to the garage for an MOT and service once a year.

curiousgeorgie · 01/06/2012 10:39

But it's about a choice. I can walk, I can take taxis, busses and trains, I can cycle... And I can drive.

It's a completely extra thing that I can do when I need to. Hw is that not more independence??

(and cyclists are completely unsafe. Perhaps not your DH but loads of them are.)

AllRiseForHerVaj · 01/06/2012 10:45

Cycling in the rain. No thanks!

Trills · 01/06/2012 10:48

YABU

People who grew up in the sort of place that I grew up (have to drive even tobuy a pint of milk) have one of two reactions

1 - driving is freedom

2 - the problem is not lack of a car, but living somewhere like that in the first place

I am in group 2

I feel that having to use a car means you are trapped. Even if you have a car and a driving licence, you are still trapped if you must use them in order to do normal everyday things.

curiousgeorgie · 01/06/2012 10:49

But that's not what the op said... She said it gives her more independence. Not that she absolutely has to use a car. The fact that she passed later in life I think shows that she wasn't at all dependant on a car.

trixymalixy · 01/06/2012 10:52

The OP clearly has managed to get around so far without a car, so clearly she doesn't have to use it, she's just enjoying the extra freedom of have in another transport option.

Trills · 01/06/2012 10:53

I didn't say that the OP has to use a car, just observing that there seem to be two different reactions - the "car is freedom" as the OP said is just one way to look at it.

Iteotwawki · 01/06/2012 10:55

No - the OP said that in her opini

Iteotwawki · 01/06/2012 10:57

No - the OP said that in her opinion, you were not truly independent until you could drive. Nobody is disputing that the ability to drive may give her a feeling of independence / freedom, but a lot of people are disputing the implication that if you can't or don't drive then you are not independent.

curiousgeorgie · 01/06/2012 11:01

I think that if you can't drive you have far less independence. You are too reliant on other people, deliveries etc.

People say they just get food shopping delivered, but what about going out in the middle of the night to get medicine... Or if you just fancy something... Or if a friend calls with a crisis (as has happened to me at 4am before!) what if something isn't in the delivery that you need? You can't just jump in your car and get it. You have to wait for buses to start running, and hope its on time, and that you have the change, or call a taxi and hope one is available, and wait for it. Trains are notoriously unreliable.

Being able to drive is amazing.

PenelopePipPop · 01/06/2012 11:14

But independence is a relative concept. Aiming to cope with a variety of different crises is worthwhile especially for those of us who are parents but quite frankly how we choose to do that is personal.

I use public transport, walk and cycle where it is safe for me to do so (mainly off-road because of the risk of seizures) and that is as independent as it is possible for me to be. But I also maximise my independence by speaking three languages fluently, being competent at a range of other life-skills. I don't think anyone would think I was excessively dependent on others, although when I have seizures I do need a lot of help from family and friends.

What gets my goat is that threads like these always focus on things that people with epilepsy cannot sodding do and then people do not see why people get irritated by this.

If I said that people who cannot walk are not fully rounded adults or truly independent that would be offensive yes? And also wrong because of course people can use wheelchairs, and make various adaptations and live independently just fine. They might have to live without nookie with MissFaversham and Jetstar21's disdain but other than they will get by. That is why it pisses me off. It is so fucking arrogant to bang on and on about why something that is practically impossible for a significant proportion of the population and is be all and end all of independence. It may be a component of some people's independence. That is fine. Fair play to all you drivers out there who love it. I am pleased for you and do not wish to take that away from you. But could you please stop insinuating that I am a less competent human being than you. I am not. I am just a less competent driver than you which is different.

YouOldSlag · 01/06/2012 12:43

but what about going out in the middle of the night to get medicine... Or if you just fancy something... Or if a friend calls with a crisis (as has happened to me at 4am before!) what if something isn't in the delivery that you need?

None of these things have ever happened to me and I am 42.

YouOldSlag · 01/06/2012 12:43

Also, the people who slag off public transport the most are usually the ones who hardly ever use it.